Thursday, June 18, 2009

Walking in the dark with pain.

Pain is extraordinarily hard to deal with.

I cannot even imagine Amy's pain when her endometriosis starts to act up. Or Kirst's, when the bladder stone which should have been removed long ago had continued to wreck havock in such frail body. Or Joey and Rattle's brittle asthma which makes even the simple act of breathing excruciating at times. And Marion, despite the severe pelvic pain, tries to withdraw the use of the pain numbing morphine for fear that it will do more harm to her in the long run. There's also Sid, who's taking meds for his heart and blood pressure but the side effect of which, is the nagging pain in his wrists that even hitting the key board has become a task too heavy.

They are but few of the people confronted with chronic pain every day, every moment, and who's activity is shaped around constant pain. Oh yes they can whine and complain because it won't dry up my sympathy. However I feel helpless in the face of my inability to do anything about it, upset by it, angered, and a gazillion other complicated feelings.

Pain is something we all go through to a lesser or greater extent. It’s something very difficult to imagine, until you are in it, and can hardly help yourself anymore. It’s something we all know intimately, especially mothers who had gone through childbirth. Damn I even told myself the first time that I won't go through it twice! Yes it’s so hard to describe and write about. It’s hard to push beyond “it hurts” and not wallow in it

But I also understand that with chronic conditions, however, being treated as an invalid just gets annoying. Especially when people give you unsolicited advice - "stop the morphine", "exercise!", "Don't think about it" or other lame ignorant remarks. Those people I have mentioned above don't even look ill as chronic pain is a hidden disability, therefore they are completely overlooked by society and expected to keep up with the flow of the able bodied.

Given all these ways pain can affect a person, it’s no wonder that this can lead to depression. Not only are pain and depression two of the most common problems, - they can occur at the same time!

But most of those afflicted of chronic pain want to just suffer in silence. I guess most of us would sometimes want to suffer in silence ourselves. Sympathy and fuss don’t make it easier to be in chronic pain. A massage, a cup of tea, etc - those things might, though.

Please pray for the sufferers of chronic pain, particularly those who are alone and lonely, and stricken with fears and doubts about how they will survive.


living_with_ba said...

My pain seems to narrow the way I view the world, I see it not in "who does what" or "where can this take me" but in "how much is this gonna hurt?" I think a lot of people with chronic pain do...but my pain isn't only caused by the BA, mine is also because I have M.E and FMS. I do take morphine daily and have actually just had a dose of oramorph to ease the pain of not sleeping in my own bed. Because of my need for constant care, my best friend and her daughter have moved into my one bedroom flat..they are at the moment sleeping in my room because Darla has some sleep issues and I'm sleeping in what was my carer's bed and doesn't have a good mattress, we'll swap back over at some point, but for now I can deal with it...that's the reason we're desperate for a house!

Odette said...

i can not imagine the extent of pain you felt, but i know it's the extreme type and there is no way out of it. i admire you for your strength and resiliency and finding your niche within the pain.
if only there can be a magic potion to erase them all!!!
yes, lets pray you'll get that house soon.
much love,

Tracey said...

Nice post Odette, It makes me feel totally helpless when I see Amy in constant pain. I can't say or do a damn thing to help. We just try to brighten her life in every way we can.

Lots of love

Tracey xxx

Odette said...

Hi Trace!
how did the party go? that cake from granny looks fabulous, no wonder billy been waiting for mom to blow the candle so he can have a taste, hahaha.
hope she wasn't in pain today...
love you more!


ODETTE you my love have exceeded yourself beyond belief. This is one of the most heartfelt posts I have ever read. To shed a single tear wouldn't be doing it justice!

I hide all types of pain from people.

When I know I cant hide the pain any more I hibernate and withdraw for a bit from friends, family etc. Those who know me well now understand that is what I do. In general though the general public wouldn't have a clue.
I may grit my teeth, leave a room, go a bit quiet, or start cleaning alot for a distraction in front of others. people probably think I have A.D.D at times lol, but sometimes I just cant sit still.
In Hospital I will even refuse to use a wheelchair, as I don't want to look sick lol. Stupid aye. But its all about being vulnerable.
Love you heaps, your amazing

Lirish said...

we cant withstand small pain when we fall and get hurt, cant imagine how much of suffering people with chronic conditions suffer from..we can only pray and show additional care to those who are suffering..

rattles said...

Hiya Odette,

I have given you an award on my blog :-) I hope you like it!! lol!!

I love your blog it always makes me think.

Thankyou for being a wonderful online friend!
Lotsa lv Rattles Xxx

Odette said...

you know, i hate the thought of growing old as the complaints i heard seemed to center on the aches and pains of arthritis, and other various part of the body that get flared and act up in some way or another.
but having met you guys had opened my eyes that pain is not exclusive to old people. even at 26 like amy, one can have a thorn stuck in her body, always there, throbbing, poking, and announcing its presence.
i just want to encourage you to talk more about your pain and the impact that it has in your life as this can be both spiritual and cathartical.
being able to openly discuss the pain and the associated anger, frustration, and feelings of hopelessness that you guys routinely feel would somehow help, as the simple act of talking and forcing yourself to open up to others can be an effective way to help manage the many conflicting feelings that you go through when dealing with your pain.
i want you to know you have me and many others as therapy group. together we will be able to coast through life with ease... i hope!

Mimi said...

What a wonderful post, Odette. I am praying for those in chronic pain. It is awful to see someone ou love suffer, I know, since m mother suffered from cripping RA for years. Bless you for being such a thoughtful person!

Sheila said...

Odette, this is an excellent post. I am fortunate enough to not to be in chronic pain but it must be awful.When I feel unwell I want to be let alone, not fussed over, and it has to be hard for well meaning people to accept that. Especially when their loved ones are in constant pain.

Amy said...

your so thoughtful.

Chronic pain is kidneys cause me the most but you know what...i have a great family, brilliant friends (in the computer and out lol) and i just try and get on with life. thanks to the people that are around me,i am happy.

love ya lots xxxxx

Bren said...

Your blog is so delightful and uplifting. I suffer from carpil tunnel so I am sure you understand how painful it can be with the blogging online and gardening sometimes. THANK YOU for reminding us all to PRAY for those who suffer.

Happy Garden Time dear friend so far away. I hope you will stop by my garden sometime!

Jenni @ nest to keep said...

Hi Odette~
This was a good post.There are so many who suffer from chronic pain, and diseases such as fibromyalgia. And they aren't any less valid than any other diseases...

I also wanted to let you know that my blog was so messed up I had to change blog addresses. The old one kept going to an older version of my blog. We're still working it out why this is, but my new blog address is at
It sounds like you have it straightened out but just in case, I wanted to give the new one to you! :) I hope you have a terrific weekend!


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