Friday, June 26, 2009

Reflections.


I just read Sid's post about growing old and this made me thoughtful. It's such a touching post that you need to go check it. The same made me take a deeper look into my own aging process.

As I stand in front of the mirror brushing my now shorter hair, I studied the image that is looking back at me. Oh, how I wish I can change something every time I looked into the mirror, although it didn't show me anything I should be upset about, except for some creeping gray hair. Hahaha!

As the brush navigate the now graying strands, I studied my brown skin in the mirror. Was I really too dark? Well, I am not fair skinned, that's for sure. But what was so bad about being dark? It's natural. I am Filipina, dammit!

Being a Saturday, I am in a khaki shorts, a simple tee and flipflop. Yes sometimes there is an advantage to looking different, to being under dressed, to having different faces at your disposal. For one, I can go to so many more places and mix with so many different people than I might otherwise not be able to if I always played it one way. It's nice sometimes not to be noticed or to blend with people that I am more likely to get what I want. I believe one don't always have to "impress" people and put on airs of morality and importance. One can get what she want in hundred of different ways.

There are so many women who liked to play that game of status and money. They wear the latest designer clothes, use skin whiteners, have a face lift, talk about their latest trip to the States and the hot and trendy restaurant in New York they've eaten at. Not so subtly reminding people how important they are because they are rich.

Well that is okay when you need it. Even though I am not anywhere near rich, I knew how to impress people with that angle if I had to. I can put on the right clothes and jewelry, offer up good table conversation, nothing but the most impeccable manners and charm. But in this world, there is so many other directions one could go, so much out there that one could be.

With brush strokes now becoming slower as if caught in a trance, I thought about the struggles I have been through, especially after losing my business. There were times I didn't know how I would be able to feed my kids. I lowered my expectations and learned to live from meal to meal. And we got by. I accepted a job even when the plant is outside the city, doing marketing work on the side, getting what I needed and wanted. This is where I learned the value of being different people, of different modes of dress, of having many faces out of need for survival.

Iam glad I had pulled myself through the worst of my ordeal, and set my kids up in a decent house and educated them. But the battle isn't over yet. I have to continue fighting to learn and continue learning because it is essential for survival. I wasn't born into privilege and I am grateful for those people who had unselfishly helped me get by.

Oh yes, now I know why I like looking in the mirror. Because after all the turmoil, I'm still here - I am still standing in front of the mirror. Still hopeful to see what's going to happen at the end of the rainbow. I'm eager to find out what's there!

I'm fighting it out all the way - old and gray.

18 comments:

Mimi said...

I truly believe that for most ordinary people in the USA, it's not the physical aging process that bothers them. It's the regrets that are burdensome and the realization that we put much of our life on hold, waiting for just the right time to do what we really want to do. If we could all learn to live for our own wants and needs, instead of trying to live up to the expectations of others and keeping up with the Jones, the thought and realization of aging would probably be easier to accept. We need to love ourselves and live life as active participants. Anyway...That's what I'm trying to do.

Sid Brechin said...

I have heard of guys using Grecian Formula on their pubic hair. I think a saying from India is apt. You can put a tuxedo on a goat but it is still a goat.

Odette said...

Mimi,
yes, we carved our life, and what we make of it is of our own doing. actually getting old nowadays is not as horrid as it is perceived to be, what makes it horrid is how we respond to it.
hugs!
xoxoxoxo

Tracey said...

Beside the grey hair, wrinkles, and sagging things, there is also the aches & pains! What the hell, we are who we are & we are alive aint we!!!!

xxxxxxx

Odette said...

Tracey,
yes and some people, no matter how old they get never lose their beauty - they merely move it from their faces to their hearts...!!
damn, i didn't know you are still awake!!!!
wanna have coffee?
xoxoxoxo

NEO-CONDUIT said...

A beautifully written post. I disagree with the whole trying to fight the aging process with ever increasing methods of torture. Yup I would love augmentation, but that is for me, as I feel I have lost much of my feminine side through so many surgeries.
Otherwise I believe in good sleep, good food, a good moisturiser,and being happy and content with who you are inside.
When a woman has to try so hard like the ones you speak of they are unhappy inside and believe beauty is only on the outside.
Love
Kirst
xoxoxo

Odette said...

Kirst,
sweet jesus, you are as feminine as you were before the operation! look at your pic and you will see a very pretty lady.
all i want is for you to grow old with a loving man at your side!!!
sweet love,
xoxoxoxoxo

Fi from Four Paws and Whiskers said...

You are a beautiful woman... and so is Kirst :)

Our lives are never easy - but I feel some struggles make us more understanding of values, making do, appreciating what we do have, and recognising human frailty. People who get it all handed to them become shallow and selfish and intolerant.
Still, the road is a lot tougher for some than it ought to be!

Sid Brechin said...

Reading a couple of the Ladies comments prompts me to say something. At about 12 men generally give their large a vacation and may not think with it again for years. However once we again get some blood flow too it rather it being monopolized by the little head (they say we have 2 heads but only enough blood to feed 1 at a time) We (men) come to realize the most attractive things about any woman is that which between her ears and in her heart.

Those who are name dropping and wearing outfits pricey enough to feed a small country for a month are not being beauties but excuse my French Bitches. (apologies to canines with litters )

Brains & Outlook are almost the whole package. Once a woman is past the " I can Change him " stage and at the " I Love him as he is and will be " stage you pretty much have a perfect woman.

( I need to stop checking the net when I wake in the night )

Odette said...

Sid,
Yes, i thought you are snoring and in dreamland by now!!!!
xoxoxoxo

Sid Brechin said...

That's it Monday my blog will be on true feminine beauty.

So for now back to dreamland and no bloging my weird dreams to crack people up.

NEO-CONDUIT said...

Ow thanks Odette you are such a hunny, lol Sid your a winner:)

jen said...

I'm LOL at Sids comments!!

Odette you are beautiful inside and out!! I'm diggin your new photo too!!

Jen

Angry American said...

Odette,

As long as you're not fake to the ones who care about you or the people you care about, clothing doesn't matter. That being said, as long as you never, ever wear a potato sack, or socks with your sandals, I'll always love your fashion sense. :)

They say you can't fix stupid. Guess I'm SOL without a paddle. But, where my looks are concerned, I don't think there's much an army of plastic surgeons ccould do with this face, either.

Oh well. Maybe in the next life. 8)=

Odette said...

AA,
oh, with the way the economy is going, it won't be a surprise if potato sack become fashionable!!
xoxoxo

Angry American said...

Unfortunately yes. The US gov flushed our economy down the toilet and now, most of the rest of the world is slowly being sucked down with us. Hope you guys can swim.

But, there's a much better alternative clothing line besides potato sacks: birthday suits! :D

amna said...

It's a matter of attitude, the way how we perceive ourselves, to feel young and beautiful, if we think that way, then we will be. who cares of how people look at us. aging is beyond our control, but we can conceal the looks by some years through natural process without any cosmetics alteration. .SMILE.. it works! makes you pleasant looking and wrinkles free. Until now I have not done face lifting or any sort of makeover, only facial cleansing. I just keep a smiley face, of course contrary to the pics i posted in the blog, in person, I am blessed with the biggest smile, i was born with it.
hi det, am still very busy working and packing stuff as I have tons of garbage (things) accumulated for over 2 decades, i rented 2 big storage for the time being. take care and thanks for asking.

Odette said...

Amna,
HI!!! it's good to see you back! oh, so you were busy packing. you can always send those clutters my way, anytime! hahaha!!
hope you will be done soon and find time to relax and write a new post.
take care,
xoxoxoxo

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