Sunday, June 28, 2009
For Kirst, Ray, et al.
Picture this: You’re in a bar, and a guy/girl a few seats over starts flirting. Soon, you’re sharing personal details — the last movie you’ve seen, music you like. Then, if you happen to be in a big city , one of you would inevitably asks what the other does for a living.
Of course, you dreaded that question so much, and that’s when things get uncomfortable, especially when all his/her friends are standing around listening. Firts, because you are not working. And second, because you were diagnosed with a chronic illness, or have undergone a life altering operation.
Since you've been on disability, you had a hard time imagining anyone seeing you as a potential partner. Among other things, maybe because you can't have kids and have a disfigured body due to the operation. So after treatment, when you could go out again, you remember thinking, What the f--- do I say to the “What do you do?” question?!!
You thought well, I can honestly tell that I can’t work! That statistically, I don’t have long to live. That the fact that I’ve survived and lived is a miracle! Boy, am I a catch! And when this guy or gal says, “So, you’re cured, right?” and you’ll say, “No. Iam not cured, my illness is incurable” And they’ll say, “Wow. That’s heavy. Bye.”
Yeah, I know it's difficult getting a date, or having a relationship when one has a chronic illness. Or even a cancer survivor, right Ray? Maybe because not many would sign up to become a co-survivor, and they just dont want to get involved in your battle. But you could not deny the fact that falling in love and being in a relationship is a distraction you need. Loving someone and being loved can be therapeutic and it's a way of healing youself from the pain and insecurities.
It IS possible to find love in spite of chronic illness - and it doesn't have to be the kind of love you settle for. It can be with someone fantastic, understanding, creative, compassionate and more. But you have to be ready to be real with people, and be patient while they learn who you are.
Yes Kirst, there will be people who are scared off. You don't want someone like that anyway, do you? I know you deserve someone strong and secure - someone who loves you for who you are, in spite of your "weaknesses." Any man who can be so accepting of your illness, especially the worst part of it, is definitely a keeper.
So don't be scared to fall in love. And this goes to you too Joey and Rattles, and Sid! Who knows, life is full of surprises and you may still enjoy the love of a man/woman who is incredibly supportive, infinitely patient - and adorably sexy!!