Wednesday, March 4, 2009
When is saying "sorry" enough?
I’ll be blunt with this, but unforgiveness, hurts!
Ok, you may wonder who hurts, that’s a fair question, especially when those who hang unto their anger, bitterness, fear, or sorrow wouldn’t want to forgive hoping to hurt the offender by doing so.
Unfortunately, it doesn’t work like that.
From my experience, being unable to forgive also hurts me and made me suffer for choosing not to forgive. Admittedly I have become obsessed with a hurt before. And I felt justified by clinging to it because I felt it was a big deal.
However, this experience also made me understand why some people can be “forgiveness challenged”. One reason could be because they want me to know how they felt with what happened and that by not forgiving me, they thought they are punishing me in some way. Another reason could be that they think the offense is so huge, and to them it feels too big to forgive.
Of course, I am just being candid here with my personal struggles. But for those who continue to mess with me and stab me in the back: maybe your reasons for unforgiveness are different than mine. But whatever they are, are they worth the destruction this can bring about in our lives?
I know that you are entitled to say whatever you want, but please don’t tell me I shouldn’t say this or think that or do this and not do that. I just don’t understand why you react negatively to everything you read, or hear. Maybe you’re missing the point while you are making negative comments and spending long hours defending your belief to friends and even strangers, for what? Whether you change your thinking or I change mine today, tomorrow, years from now, or never what does it really matter? The world will keep on spinning!
No one is perfect. For heaven’s sakes, no part of life is perfect. Relationships break down because we have never been taught skills on how to prevent resentment from destroying our good intentions. How many times do I need to say SORRY? Why does saying sorry not work? And why am I even apologizing to something which I feel was not my fault in the first place?
Look, at some point in our lives we can be wronged, betrayed, lied to or hurt by another. It is very difficult in this imperfect world full of imperfect people not to be on the receiving end of some injustice. I have been there before, and it sucks!
But by being unforgiving we are only holding on to the anger, resentment and a sense of betrayal. Being unforgiving we’re saying to ourselves “I am not going to let this event go and I am going to remain angry, bitter resentful and hurt". Being unforgiving does not change the past or hold back the person we don’t forgive, rather it is a self inflicted poison that can only lead to a more miserable life.
I am aware that forgiving someone who has deceived me can be extremely difficult, but after being faced with a deep and painful hurt, I just look deep in my heart and make a choice to forgive, to let go, to embrace and welcome the liberating power of forgiveness in my heart, mind and soul.
I hope you will find in your heart to forgive me too…