Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Going loony over blog.
Why do you blog?
At first you tell yourself you’re only doing it because you enjoy expressing your self and it is a great way to keep a journal. No one actually needs to read it!
You feel like you need to take your camera everywhere with you, and sometime wonder if you need to seek therapy already.
Then you started looking at other people’s blogs to get an idea of what they are doing. Of course you noticed that they are acquiring what are called Comments, and you wonder how you can get comments on your blog.
So you tell your relatives about your blog while reminding yourself that this is just for you. And parents and grandparents. Perhaps extended family, as well. Then you inform friends about it. You even Install Sitemeter into your account so you can see just how many hits a day you are getting (or not). Wonder again why it matters.
Then start a contest because that’s what the popular bloggers are doing. Watch your contest crash and burn. Wonder why it hurts so much. Wonder why it matters so much. Wonder why it makes it hard to breathe.
Start stalking blogs and wonder what you are doing wrong. Wonder if your contest would have done better if you were giving away something good. Like an Iphone.
Start saving for an Iphone.
Do more blog stalking (a must!). Notice that there are a lot of great blogs out there with really great writers. Feel mopey and blue without knowing why.
Finally admit to yourself that you want your blog to be read by everyone. On the planet. In the universe. Start making oh-so-witty and amusing comments on other blogs to draw attention to yourself.
Rejoice over your measly 30 hits per day. Tell yourself you are now too busy blogging to comment on the blogs of others. Watch your daily hits drop. Observe helplessly as your few regulars drop away, one by one, like flies in a jar of camphor.
Start plotting your revenge.
Sneak into the Sitemeter headquarters and attach yourself to the motherboard (you’ll figure it out when you get there).
Go out in a hail of fiery sparks but not before you know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that you are taking Sitemeter down with you.
Epilogue: Sitemeter is up and running a mere 24 hours later but you are dead. People all over the world mourn your loss even though they never heard of you or read your blog before your death. Your blog now gets 50,000 hits per day even though you haven’t posted anything new since your untimely demise. Your husband saves all the money the blog has made from ads and goes to Tahiti where he runs off with a beautiful native.