Friday, April 24, 2009

My life.


My previous post made me ponder about my own life...

Nice and easy – that is life for me. I am from a middle-class family that is lucky to be able to keep our heads above the economic crisis. I get a lot of support from relatives. And thankfully, there is always someone to turn to in times of need. I don’t have near-death experiences to talk about. I can’t discuss eating disorders, or lack of self-esteem that could possibly lead to depression.

Love? Well, I’ve been through its various stages from getting-to-know, courting, dating, being together, breaking up, being bitter, moving on, finding someone better – and going through the whole process again because once will never be enough. LOVE is happiness no matter how much it might hurt or how stupid it makes me. Only love can make me sing my heart out in the shower and stand shivering for hours in the rain. Only love can keep me wishing on falling stars even though I am old and gray.

I have never really found a reason to complain about my life. Even with a broken heart, I never fell apart. I have always been optimistic who believes everything will turn out right and – voila – they actually do!

I am not a sociable person and a perfect day for me is just staying home and watching a marathon movie. But another perfect part of my life are my friends on-line (you know who you are!). These connections make me feel like I belong, that I fit right in and that there’s a spot saved especially for me.

But like most everything else, nothing is perfect. I know I will continue to spend the other half of my life looking for that certain high that will make me feel how it is to live. I need a dose of harsh reality that will make me bleed until I realize I am still human. I need to get hurt and feel pain so that I can pour out the tears. And I want to be able to look back and laugh about it someday because I know I haven’t wasted my life dreaming.

Have I reached my turning point? Do we have turning points where we have to make crucial decision about family or personal goals? Or is it the little decisions I make every day that make me feel good or bad? I know I don't want to confine myself to a small box I consider my heaven without realizing how exciting the paradise outside can be. Like everyone else, I get tired, I get my fill of it and I tug at the seams to find something to fix, something to alter, something to learn.

Maybe tomorrow one of my wishes will come true. I could come up with a hundred more "MAYBES" and still I wouldn’t know for sure. Because if I already know what will happen tomorrow, my life would probably be so perfect I myself would look for ways to wreck it.

10 comments:

Amy said...

you really are a strong person Odette! And my god you write some great posts!!

Mum is missing you too...I went to their new place today and they are all really busy but me and mum still had time to talk about blogging! She is missing the internet but i said i will do posts about the house move!

I have had a look and that site with the backgrounds and they are great...when i get bored of mine i will try one out :) xx

NEO-CONDUIT said...

Beautifully written, no you wont find ways two wreck it, that's what other people are for! You do deserve a peaceful life, your not old and grey,and your journey in life is relative to you and your experiences.
The thing I like about you is that you do try to understand other peoples issues and pains even if it is foreign to you. Many people don't hun that's one thing that makes you special.
xoxoxo

Odette said...

Amy,
thanks, and post pic of the house, will you?
Has Stich adopted to his new environment?

Odette said...

Kirst,
I am very happy to have met you here as well. reading your blog, your comments (to others and mine), ur email..it's like i've known u a year already because i know where u stand on certain things, what u care about and just who you are.
I am glad to choose friends not by location or luck, but pinpoint perfect friends by rounding up virtual people with amazingly similar interests, matching politics, sense of humor, passionate feelings about our pets, etc.
the friends I have now might be spread wide, geographically, but I feel close to you people as those I went to school with, maybe more.
love you, Kirst!

jen said...

Well you certainly don't look old and gray!!

I'm not a social butterfly either. I'm a total homebody!!

You really have a way with words Odette and write some awesome posts. I'm so glad that my path has crossed yours here in blog land!!

Take care!

Jen

Angry American said...

I used to say, "life sucks and then you die...when's it my turn?". After being in a situation when I knew it was just about time to grab my ankles and kiss my ass goodbye, I now just say "life sucks and then you die".

As far as I'm concerned, if you can't relax and be happy at home, or be happy with who you live with, you can't truely be happy. When I finally "come home" to the one I love, life won't suck as much for me.

Odette said...

Jen,
the pleasure is mine as well. I was glad Tracey had paved the way for us to meet through blogging.
reading your blogs is the closest i can get to you and your family - i even had a tour of your house! hahaha!

Cottage Rose said...

Don`t worry, be happy!
Rose

Sid Brechin said...

We may not know what Horrible monsters with long claws big fangs huge muscles and worst of all PMS are just around the corner. However we also don't know what Rainbows, Treasure Chests, beautiful sunsets or unexpected Angels are there either. It's the journey not the destination that is important. Just go at the monster's as if your the one with PMS and it will leave you alone. As for the other's enjoy those blessings but there is never a need to count them as more are always around some other bend. When you feel a little down just list some of them.

Odette said...

AA,
life sucks only for those who don't know how to seek happiness.
to be happy is the essence of our existence.
xoxo

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