Saturday, July 18, 2009
A swine but no flu.
Amidst the daily collision of too many humans and industrial chaos, one can occasionally come across scene which is priceless that you just have to breakdown in utter laughter and tell yourself through chuckles and guffaws that, yes, only in the Philippines could one witness something so outrageous and yes, living in Manila does indeed have moments.
You see the other day, while waiting for a jeep to take me to the supermarket, I was eyeing the typical scene around me and wondered, like I like to do, about the sanity of the humans race and how it came to be that cars have managed to become the master of the people when it should be the other way around. Then out of the corner of my eye, I saw a pig. Not that the pig was driving a car or anything like that. No, the pig was being carted along by two young guys riding a motorcycle.
The motorcycle had a big metal barred sidecar attached to it and the pig was literally stuffed inside the sidecar. The sidecar was rather large and yet it could barely hold this massive beast. It was as if the pig had been stuffed inside by some kind of packing machine.
His snout was jammed between two narrow bars in the front, gobs of pig flesh spilled out through the open bars on the side, and his giant pig butt protruded over the top of the back bar. The pig wiggled and writhed furiously but it was clear he was not going anywhere except to the slaughterhouse. Or somebody's backyard. Same thing really.
It's one thing to see the humans amidst all their mess, but to see a giant pig cruising along in the middle of a business district just seemed , well, interesting, to say the least. Especially when it starts to urinate in the middle of the road! Now a big pig does not urinate like Filipino guys, who can manage to pee against a brick wall in public and pretend they are merely reading the graffiti. No, the pig just lets it fly. And its not a little stream either. It's more like a fire hose!
So here is this incredibly massive pig shooting a water cannon pee right in the middle of rush hour traffic in front of God and everybody. Eventually he drained his bladder but he wasn't finished with the show yet. Oh no sir. He looked neither comfortable nor happy stuffed inside that sidecar and he was going to give humans, for whom he would soon be a meal, a piece of his, well,...it wasn't his mind, let me just say that.
When the motorcycle inched ahead and started to turn, this giant pig, with his butt sticking out over the back, started to let it fly - he dropped clump after clump of massive pig crap right on the pavement. Inches from stunned traffic cop, inches from the bumper of a brand new Toyota, inches from the sidewalk next to a convenience store!
The motorcycle and its suddenly relieved cargo found open road and sped away, after leaving us a noxious gift maybe 15 meters long. I recall my jaw had fallen open. At the same time I laughed hysterically. I don't know whose table that pig ended up on, but I can definitely say this: he sure as heck went out with a big bang!