Tuesday, July 7, 2009

A kind of lonely.

I've been thinking recently about a phenomenon that I suppose has always been a part of life but that I think manifests itself in different ways in our modern world. It varies according to the seasons of life we find ourselves in, but it seems to be fairly prevalent regardless of our circumstances.

I'm talking about loneliness.

I had a talk with a friend the other day, and it confirmed my fear when he told me he is lonely despite the over 70 million population in there country.

So what is loneliness? Is it a feeling? A condition? I guess for different people, it means different things.

Loneliness is a very powerful emotion. Whether we would like to agree with it or not, loneliness is a universal phenomenon, it visits every human soul at some time in every culture, every race, every class, every age. To feel lonely is to join the rest of humanity in acknowledging that we are somehow fundamentally separated from each other.

Being lonely also means we are not able to share our deepest thoughts with anyone. We may have issues at home, or at the office. We can have issues with our relatives and friends. Yes, we at some point can carry so much hurt and guilt inside us but we do not know, whom to talk to, therefore we feel lonely. We feel all alone.

Loneliness is horrible, that is why I think the Internet when used properly is a very good tool. This is also why I post on this site because it lessens my loneliness. It distracts me from knowing that when I look around I do not see any humans. Yeah sure, animals are great to have to help ease the thought of loneliness, but it is not like they can have a conversation with you!

I think everyone has had that square peg/round hole feeling at some point in their life.

Now that I'm in my late forties, and with my nest about to be empty, I spend a lot of time alone. I cherish it. I love solitude. But every now and then, I just get lonely. Electronic connections with old friends are interesting and entertaining, but they can't substitute for even half an hour of face time and a good hug.

My loneliness of late is a funny breed—more like a homesickness, a hunger, for a conversation I want to have, a man I want to see, a friend I desperately want to talk to, a quick burst of my sister’s laughter, a jolt of inspiration at work, a moment of common understanding with my neighbors.

It’s a sudden pang of “I wish.” It’s the desire of “I want.”

Yes, it’s that kind of lonely, my friends.


Fi from Four Paws and Whiskers said...

There is a difference between choosing to be alone, and having no choice. Some nights I love the chance to do what I want... others I feel bored and alone.
I guess it is why I appreciate my partner being around... and the chance to have times with friends and parents. I am sure the feeling gets worse as we get older..
Good post Odette.
And have a virtual hug :)

Mimi said...

I hope that your friend can find a way to escape his loneliness. Joining any group can help, even something as simple as looking at activities and groups in the local paper and going o play lawn bowling or volunteering with the city or a singles group or taking a class at the y or a community college. It sounds silly, but you have to get out there and interact.I know it's hard, because loneliness can lead to shyness or fear of interacting. It's a vicious circle. Been there, done that, when we moved here. Good luck to your friend, and he should know that there are lots of people out there looking for a friend-he might be just the right one.


So true hun. Loneliness is specific to each person. It is so common to feel that even though we are surrounded by people that we are still alone.

Right now my house is silent, my daughter is away for a week, my son staying at friends. My boarder well I don't really care about where they are lol.

Sometimes we need to be alone, to heal, reflect and or make changes in our life.
I'm personally big on having some alone time, as then I can focus on what I need to do, block out the noise, or distance myself from others as I used to absorb peoples emotions. I don't so much now.

I have been alone since I was born. I will be alone when I die.
Its about loving yourself, finding comfort spiritually, and finding inner peace.

My kids haven't flown the nest yet, but I do remember the most heartbreaking time when their were no kids, no family, and no friends around. It was scary.
In spirit and in internet support i am here for you.
xoxoxo love and hugs xxooxo

Tracey said...

If your 'friend' is who I'm thinking it is, tell him to get his butt in gear & get hitching a ride to you!

I long to be alone sometimes, I rarely am. Also I feel lonely sometimes, thats where you all come in....xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Odette said...

Fi, Mimi,Kirst,
having you people to interact with each day is all it takes to ease the loneliness! why, just reading your posts would transport me right to your doorsteps!!!
i just feel sad for my friend who was kept from socializing because of his studies(masters degree). the pressure of school work give him no time to mingle and in the process he find himself alone, with no friends, and lonely.

Odette said...

No it isn't. This one is a friend in Tehran. That's why i taunt him why he felt alone when there country is among the most populated. but then i know people do get lonely even in a crowd.
Cedric is feeling better now, maybe he will be able to go back to school 2moro.

Tracey said...

Hope Cedric doesn't pass it on to you! Give him a hug from England.

Sid Brechin said...

Having lived alone a total of 28 of my 55 years I know of both loneliness and being alone. In a way what I plan to write today is on the same subject. More one of the things we all need to have if we are lonely or not. A place to go for a mental vacation.

There was a song I have not been able to find probably because I don't know the proper title or who sang it. There is a line in the song. " Where do you go to my darling? When your alone in your head ". That is what I plan to write on. btw if anyone does know the songs name or who sang it please let me know.

Sid Brechin said...

Tracey thank you for the singer writer and correct title. I was able to find it and am enjoying listening to it now.

living_with_ba said...

I sometimes feel lonely even though I am rarely "alone"...but it's enough to bother me at times...

Just to let you know...Rattles is in hospital, has been in ICU, but is doing better..don't know much else...I think she updated, but I found out through her twitter page which she can update from her phone.


Blog Widget by LinkWithin