How do you keep real love alive with the onset of the virtual stage?
Yesterday, I read an article of yet another woman who had decided to dissolve her real life marriage in pursuit of the promise of illusive paradise she feels she’ll find with her online lover.
So what’s the big deal, you say? Why can’t she toss out the old and trade it in for a newer model if she’s convinced it will bring joy to her real life?
Well, I certainly wouldn’t want to deny anyone the opportunity to pursue happiness. But I do have trouble reconciling the knowledge that, when we meet someone in the net, we are only exposed to the person they choose to share with us at any given moment. It’s like he or she wears a metaphoric mask to hide characteristics he or she desires to keep hidden.
We don’t realize this because perhaps subconsciously, we all too often fill in the gaps with images of a lover we project onto them. In essence, we mistake the idea of our lover for the real person themselves and become captivated by this new hybrid of who they are and who we want them to be.
Sadly, many of these married people who pursue cyber relationships are merely groping for a happiness that does not exist in their real life marriages.
And their real life partner has no chance in this unfair fight, since she live with him day in and out. She experience first hand the good and bad attributes that her partner exude every day. From farts and fevers to pimples and sagging belly, their real life partners are just that - real. Complete with unsavory idiosyncrasies and all.
If only she would just at least construct a foundation of a life with her real life partner, and do it with the full knowledge that the grass, however green, will not always be a bed of roses...
2 comments:
There are of course pros and cons to on line relationships be they romantic or friendship.
In a place like IMVU were avatars are used you run into the same shallow problems many of us have in real life. Looks actions flirting can stop someone from seeing the real person behind the mask. If you can look at yourselves as a couple of kids at heart playing a game and KNOW it is a game it is a good thing. You are interacting as until lately only children could. In some cases you can even find common ground you would not find otherwise. When I met odette she was in a star trek uniform and everybit the type of officer that idealized fantasy universe hopes mankind will evolve into ( and here I mean social evolution, understanding tolerance and helpful ). She wasn't in some provocative near invisible lingere and batting fantasy eyes.
Let's look at another positive. When you are talking online you get instant answers. ( this didn't happen when email was pretty much the only answer ) it shows you how a person thinks and in many cases how their heart and soul looks as if it were what could be first seen instead of how a person looked could afford to dress or chooses to dress. Let's face it I try to look into a woman's eyes when I meet her and when talking to her but as self disiplined as I am there have been times I have had to metaphorically had to fish my eyes out of a set of cleavage. I think I'm lucky I'm more a leg man and shapely legs are usually looked at when she is walking away so my "baser" instincts are not so obvious.
The key to any relationship real life or virtual is honesty. Especially to yourself. When men meet a woman and fall for her one of our most common mistakes is thinking she will be the way she is now forever. ( yes we are that dumb at times aren't we guy's?) On the other hand women tend to make the mistake of thinking "I can change him". Life may change him ladies but what you see as trying to improve him he will see as nagging. In each case for each gender stepping back and taking an objective view can be a big help.
One of Socrates most famous quotes is "Know thyself" so here is a Sidism. "Show thyself, be thyself" if nothing else those you meet will get to know the real you not some twisted fantasy version of you.
Somehow I think odette knows exactly what I mean.
At time we women set ourselves up odette .. we dream before we see reality ... Sometimes we try to seek the love in men that we really need to seek in ourself..
Men are men .. We can't blame all the time .. we look in those that do not want to love as we do and turn away from the ones that truly love us .. willing to give us the world and the romance we seek ... We then realized it to late.. We lose them too
Now a day we are to free to choose .. Since many us women can do most of what men to .. We challenge their manhood and forget the real traditional home ..
We look for Pie dreams odette .. I know I don't need a man to care for my needs .. I work hard as a man and put dinner on the table .. but odette I can't raise my child with man's hand or knowleage .. Even though my girl has come home with high honors I can't play the role of both all the time ... and that does take a toll at times and I feel lonely then for a man in my home.. in hope I can let go of some of this pressure ..
As for sex dear we are to free in trying to be like men ( well not me haha nothing in ten years) but yet we are hold the dis-honors dear it our bodies that we dis-respect .. our temples .. we go to bars and clubs hoping we can pick up a husband and what we end up with STD or a man that has no respect for us because of were he met us ...
We rush to much odette in finding love in a man when we really nned to learn how to love ourselves first ..
I don't blame them for being the way they are at time .. lot of times it our own fault .. Living in a worlds of dreams and romance .. It time for us to wake up .. go for our goals .. make our on dreams come true and have no expection in any relationships we get into .. Just let it ride and see what comes of it .. If it meant to be a life time of love it would be if not then we still can hold our heads up high our legs closes and go on ..
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