Monday, November 24, 2008

Love and sex in cyberspace.

The question on whether it can be called cheating for a married person to enjoy online relationships with people other than their partners has been tossed around the internet airwaves nearly every day.

Some would argue, that one crosses the line the moment one begin sneaking around to share intimate thoughts with someone other than their partner. In cybersex you have secrecy - intimacy and sex are all the same elements as an affair.

Most of these relationships grew organically, sprouting from the seeds of mutual fascination, sexual curiosity, and palpable attraction to the way that person made one feel about oneself.

Of course some would say that they didn’t embark on these journeys with the intent to meet and marry their next man or woman.
So what then is the destination of adult men and women when they jump on this train to tryst town? Just where do they expect to get off?

Interestingly though most online friends I know don’t realistically aspire to meet their online lovers in real life, given the myriad constraints that exist. This is especially true of those who foster flames from afar.

The only explanation they can give is that, they want to find someone they will never physically feel, love online partners they will never pursue, and make virtual marriages they will never consummate.

It’s just that the adventure in itself feels so damn good. Maybe because they all know in the backs of their minds that these relationships rarely have a chance at surviving beyond a certain point.

But I argue, it’s not their survival they strive for. It’s just the joyous journey that they seek. And, when that trip is over, they will be first in line to take the next tour.


Anonymous said...

hi ode u r ryt

TheKnight777 said...

You go girl.....It may well be for some to just hang out and feel good about themselves. Even if in real life they are married, what can it hurt?
And too you said that they know it will not go very far.
I began this journey a few years back and at first I only played Multilevel Role Playing Games like however it is totally diferent than lets say imvu.

On Darkthrone its almost all text and non moving avatars.Many forums and such, but for the most part its a massive war strategy game.

I left imvu and played this game i mentioned above for a couple of years. It had nothing to do with,,,

One day just a few months ago I again find myself checking out imvu. And upon my return I was amazed to find one single woman who from the start was my best friend.
What was to follow is history.

We now have a great relationship because of our honesty and openness about who we are and have shared some intimates.We are both single and will someday meet in the flesh.

I will quit if things change in our relationship. If it wasnt for her caring, I wouldnt even be playing in the first place.

Thanks for reading.

Healer68 said...

Personally, I'm kind of on the fence with this cyber thing. I've never thought it was anybody's right to tell people what to think, or like, or say or do. Even in marriage. But, I was in a very abusive relationship with a woman.

She thought it was her right to tell me I had no rights. According to her, everything was cheating. I was supposed to go everywhere with my eyes closed or my head down looking at the ground so I couldn't see women. I wasn't supposed to talk to women, not even waitresses or cashiers. She even made me quit jobs because women worked there (not the depertments I worked in, just the same building).

So, even though it's not right to cheat on your bf, gf, wife, husband or whatever, I have no problem with people flirting. It happens every day and most of the time it's harmless. The majority of people who flirt are married. If not, they have a lover.

Yet, how many of these people actually cheat? How many of them are willing to hurt their lover and risk ruining something they know will never be the same atfterwards? I doubt very many.

Fantasizing is a perfectally normal function of the human brain. It's harmless unless acted uppon, depending on the situation. But, for all intents and purposes, cyber space IS fantacy.

That's why it's called "cyber space". It doesn't exist in the real world. It's just data flowing from one pc to servers to another pc and back again. Too many people forget this fact.

So many people play online video games or R.P. (role play) games that it's almost impossible to keep track anymore. Once again, this is all fantacy and doesn't exist. Not the 3D graphics of killing and blowing things up. Not the text that descripes the same things. Nor do the cyber relationships depicted in these.

Aso, chatting with people, whether in a chat room, an IM or even email, is harmless. Yes, there are people who go to extremes. There always will be.

But, unless people are planning on, and act out these cyber games and relationships, they're just that. Cyber...fantacy...not real...don't exist...etc. When it comes to cyber sex, it's just a modern version of phone sex. But, is it actually physically cheating?

Once again, does it really mean anything at all if the people don't take it seriously? If they don't consider it a "relationship" and it's all just playing online? If they don't have plans to, or never actually wanted to move in with each other, or even date?

You can go on and on and on and on debating this topic and still get nowhere. In my opinion, if you think you know somebody and can trust them, then it's just that, playing online. But, if they actually were looking to find somebody, or fall in love, or meet in person or whatever, then you obviously didn't really know them very well, did you?

It's the same risk you take every time your bf, gf, wife, husband, etc, goes to work. Every time they go shopping. Every time they go to a doctor appointment. Hell, it can even happen when they go to church.

If you think your relationship is just fine, and something really does happen in real time/real life, then your relationship wasn't as fine as you thought it was. It doesn't matter where or when they met. And, the fact is, it might've been time to wake up, face reality, and work on your relationship if you think it's worth saving. But, you just didn't see it. Or didn't want to see it.

Otherwise, stop obsessing over every little chat, IM, email or whatever else your significant other might be doing online. Because, if you can't trust them there, you can't trust them at work, while shopping etc.

And, if there really is a problem that they're hiding from you, it's just a matter of time, and just as likely to happen in the really real world as it is in the cyber world. If you keep hounding them and trying to control them every moment they're awake, you're just going to push them away.

In that case, chances are, !!!YOU!!! where the problem with your relationship. And, blaming them for needing to get away from you, and your attitude, and your mough running at them 24/7 isn't their fault. And, it sure as hell isn't going to fix anything.

That's my 2 cents.

amna said...

i've been reading different articles written by professionals dealing with marriage and relationship..they all come up in one point of view. confiding your innermost feelings to a cybermate behind your partner's back is considered as cheating.


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