Monday, October 27, 2008

A father's grief.

"When a parent dies, you lose your past; when a child dies, you lose your future." - Anonymous

Children are not suppose to die. Parents expect to see their children grow and mature. Ultimately, parents expect to die and leave their children behind. That is the natural course of life's events, the life cycle continuing as it should, however...

My brother died in a tragic accident last summer - he drowned in the beach during a family outing. He wasn't even swimming then, but was merely playing with the wave.
He was 16 years old.

My dad loved him deeply, and even when he manage to accept this tragic loss, I am certain he is left with a grief that paralyzed him emotionally. He is his Junior, he was named after him. In fact, it fascinates me to see the ways in which they were alike, and the ways they are different.

My father wanted for his Junior to be happy doing something he loved. Over the years, my dad tried to give him experiences, guidance, knowledge, taught him basic skills – gave him the best chance to live a life feeling good about himself and others. When at some point, Jujun lost interest in school, my dad hoped it was temporary. He hoped that something deep inside himself would pull him through, that he would learn to be a responsible youth, and find contentment as an adult.

But it wasn’t temporary. Junjun will never use those tools and skills. He isn't around anymore to share experiences with my dad. There is no more past or future for them to reconcile, but only the present and there are only memories. In spite of everything my father did, or what he tried to do for Junjun, he was unable to do the one thing that would have kept him here, and that alone is devastating.

A wife who loses a husband is called a widow. A husband who loses a wife is called a widower. A child who loses his parents is called an orphan. But...there is no word for a parent who loses a child, that's how awful the loss is!

Junjun, we will always love you, and we will remember everything about you as long as we live.


EdGeneer said...

The only immediate family member I have lost is a little brother when i was much younger. Danny left us due to a few complications, but mainly from cancer. He was only 2 years old, and I was only 6 when he died. I was too young to really know what happened and he is only a distant memory to me, I wish I knew him more, ofcourse. The death was hardest on my parents. when they were already tense from their straining relationship, I do think it was the major thing that caused their divorce.

I do live in some comfort knowing he is in a better place, although we sometimes use that clichet to hope that its a good thing instead of something sad. I would like to still think that he is happier and his soul is at peace in Heaven.

I only hope that my soul is as deserving as his when I go....

Anonymous said...

i am sorry for your loss. i also have a brother, and we're very close. i have always believed the brightest stars in the sky at night are loved ones that have passed on who are watching over us from the heavens. remember this always my dear friend: sorrow shared is cut in half, and joy shared is doubled. may your sorrows always be cut in half, and may your joys always be doubled. may God always bless you and your sons. they all sound like fine young fellows.

Anonymous said...

Odette, I am so very sorry to know that your family has gone thru such painful incident. Rest in Peace, little bro!


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