Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Lost in translation

Midlife is not for sissies - especially if you’re a woman.

I can very well attest to this because so many changes have happened to me during the years after 40 that I have trouble keeping up.

Take for example today, I look into the mirror and saw an older woman looking back at me. And suddenly I felt my heartbeat racing. Is it fear? Is it panic? Is it sheer sadness? Whatever it was, it changes my mood.

Yes, my mood swings from sweet to sour as rapidly as the heartbeat itself. My emotions are up at one moment and at an all time low the next. There are days that seemed to be picture perfect, while other days can leave my normally happy kids feeling like a ball of nerves.

But what can I do? Sometimes I just find my children more annoying than usual, or co-workers especially frustrating, or a television show particularly heart wrenching. I even shed tears last night watching a television commercial.

Oh yes, often times the slightest thing would just make me fly off the handle, into a fit of depression. In fact, yesterday I cried because someone told me I cannot peek into his homepage anymore - even when it was said in jest. I don’t understand, but this mood swing has a certain knack of making me feel completely lost. My emotion sometime is so out of whack that I don’t even know if I should be sad or angry in certain situations.

The fact that trivial things trigger the mood-swing, isn’t comforting either. But often times I do not realize it happening. I thought all along that I am in control of my emotion, although many times I am aware that I am acting in a certain strange way.

And I am not even talking about the extreme behaviour that would manifest when I am PMSing. I just hope that this won’t last forever…


Tracey said...

Menopause darling!!!!! or the start of a long long road to it. I started when I turned 42, even on HRT I still feel absolutely CRAP!!!!!!
Love Tracey xxx

Tracey said...

You, yourself, put the chic into your house!

Tracey said...

I meant you are chic! You look very chic anyhow!
Your house sounds perfect....I only have things in my house that I like, I like comfy, cozy and worn!!!!!
Love Tracey xxx

Leanne said...

Hello there, Its very nice to met you too! I like coming on to your blog as its an interesting read, and i like the music! Hope all is ok? love leannex

Angry American said... to the possiblity of getting bitch slapped upside the head...I'd just like to say "no comment".

myrna said...

Hi Odette, enjoyed your blog, it is very interesting. Those uncomfortable feelings is part of being a woman.keep up the good work.

blue_butterfly said...

welcome: leane and myrna! thank you for finding my page worth the hassle.

angry american - thats good as you dont want me to pull out the acme hammer from thin air. Lol


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