Saturday, January 10, 2009

For men only.


Men beware.

When your wife or girlfriend asks, "Honey, have I put on weight?" you know that this is the end of your natural life. The said question is probably the trickiest of all the trick questions that women throw at their unsuspecting spouse or boyfriend.

And there are more....
* Which dress looks better on me? ( Just buy both dress, credit card bills be damned.)

* What happened at the stag party last night? ( Do NOT break the code of silence.)

* Do you find other woman attractive? ( Do not answer even if she claims she will not get angry. Answering this question is tantamount to remaining celibate for an undetermined period of time.)

* What would you do if i die? ( She is trying to gain sympathy, shoot yourself instead and make her pity you.)

And men, when women ask you these questions, steel yourselves. Do not run away. A friend tried and he was chased down by his girlfriend like a rabid dog. Those are tricky questions which you are only meant to reply to if you are brain damaged or if you would like to be.

They are meant to test both your loyalty and fidelity to a relationship.

But nothing tops the most devastating question : Am I fat?

It has also evolved into questions such as: Does this dress makes me look fat? Have I put on weight? Are you losing circulation when I sit on your lap?

Men take note that even if you are suffocating in the folds of her flesh as she takes you into her arm, loss of consciousness would be a more human alternative than a woman who doesn't want to accept that she can only fit into a size 6 in her dreams.

When these questions arises, buy her gifts. She simply want to be assured that you still love her in whatever size she is. Remember that you can recover from bankruptcy but not from castration.

So, what can you say? Am I fat?

7 comments:

Tracey said...

Well I don't ask because I know I'm fat!!!! but isn't it a shame that people are so vain! Why not ask...am I doing enough? am I kind enough? Life is much too short for vanity.
Love Tracey xxx

Tracey said...

Hey Odette, forgot to say, how amusing it was! I know you were taking the mick... brilliant as usual.
Love Tracey xxx

Angry American said...

Fat??? I HATE scrawny ass woman. I WANT a little meat on my woman's bones. What the f**k is so attractive or sexy about a toothpick, stick figure of a woman who looks deathly ill?

This whole diet and weight watching bulls**t by women who could stand to put on a few pounds or are only 5 lbs overweight has gone too far. It's disgusting and it's getting worse and worse.

I'm sick of seeing that dipshit who claims he's a "Doctor" push his stomach out and do a very shitty impersonation of a beer belly in one pic, then flex his abs in the other. Then he lies through his teeth and says he used XYZ diet pills to get those abs. He needs to be bitch slapped upside the head a few times just for the lame attemp of trying to make his gut look fat. You ain't fooling anybody a**hole.

Then there are all the ads on radio stations, magazines, etc. I'm sick of it all. No wonder so many girls have a complex and end up with mental problems by the time they're 12.

If they would at least direct the ads and commersials to people who really are overweight and need to slim down because of health problems, I wouldn't mind. Untill that day, I guess I'll have to continue to be fed up with watching tv or listening to the radio anymore because of all this bulls**t. Maybe I'll toss my tv and radios out the window and take up reading books instead. I still have a few novels I haven't even read yet.

Boysie Gonzaga said...

I pity watching these anorexic young women in fashion tv channels walking up the runway with the "hungry look". They looked like empty soda bottles rolling out of a conveyor belt. So zombie like! And whoever say these girls looked georgeous and healthy has a twisted idea of the word "beautiful". What a shame.

Sid Brechin said...

I was once out shopping with my first wife and another couple. They were looking at dresses we not far away were being a couple typical male perverts looking at the maniquins in lingere. His wife asked the dreaded question that ensures the French Foregin legion is never short of recruits "Honey, does this dress make me look fat?" He came up with the only answer I have ever known to end that conversation. Being very careful not to look in her direction at all he said and this is an exact quote "Darling you don't need a special dress for that".

btw she had a figure movie stars could be jealous of at the time she taught belly dance for a living and if anything could have added a couple of pounds. I guess it was his way of saying "I am not having this conversation"

I'm going to scroll up to look at the other questions. I have heard of some good comebacks. I usually heard of them after asking the husband how he got the shiner (very black eye)

What happened at the stag. Usually he was too drunk to remember. I have heard of some wild ones but haven't had the dishonor to be at one of those. My best stag story. It is a tradition here to put a ball and chain around the groom to be's ankle. Normally they are plastic but on occasion someone has one from a horse farm that it real. One stag (the moron had it the day before the wedding, you do not do that) they waited for him to pass out threw him into the back of a pickup and were on the way to have killer tattooed on his butt at a prearragnged tattoo parlor. They were driving too fast rounded a curve heard the ball they had forgot to remove roll followed by a scream. They had to make a detour to hospital. The next day the groom got married. Broken nose two black eyes and both front teeth cracked. Only reason I know the story was I wore the same ball and chain at mine. ( I cheated, kept pretending I needed the bathroom dumped out most of my beer added water. Stayed sober all night. )

Which dress looks better is easy to answer. "I'd rather have you naked darling"

If I die: "Have someone make the funeral arragngements I would be too distraught how can you ask me something so horrible" of course he may get away with suggesting he start a scholarship in your name where beauty and brains were required to apply.

However to all I have a problem, in 2 days I will be over the acceptance age for the Foregin legion.

blue_butterfly said...

phew! i heaved a sigh of relief. now i am pretty certain that despite my bulging belly, i still am ok... thanks, guys!

Anonymous said...

I maintain my shape in an acceptable level all the time 4-6 sizes , my belly is under control but my ex had been telling me for the last year of our marriage that I am fat and my belly is bulging then I found out that he has a size one tall keep up. It's a matter of mens preference isn't it? At my age I would say that I keep up my appearance and shape well and anything else is beyond my control.

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