Sunday, May 3, 2009
Trying hard to manage anger.
I have written about this in my previous blog - PMS, and my tendency to fly off the handle during one of my most disagreeable days. It is something I battle with - largely unsuccessfully - every month. I flared up often that I think anger is the most tempting of the seven deadly sins. During my worst cycle you could best describe me as "edgy."
I was thinking about it as i wrote this because today I was especially cranky - again. I snapped at someone when I shouldn't as he was merely asking a question, but for no reason it irritates me! Maybe I should pay attention to my body. Being too cold, too hot, and especially being too hungry, makes me far more irritable.
And I should acknowledge the reality of other people's feelings, especially those people around me. Instead of snapping back answers like "I don't want to hear a lot of whining" or "It's not that big a deal," I need to try to show that I understand what someone is saying.
Hmmm...I wonder though, would not expressing anger often allows it to dissipate? I know I have trouble with this in person, but I often manage to do it if it involves email - the deliberate effort of writing an irritated email often gives me the opportunity to decide not to send it. You see, when I manage, not to act on how I feel at the moment, it somehow help me to change my feelings after a while.
Have you ever experience of making a joke when your angry? Okay, this strategy could be more fantasy than reality, but on the rare occasion when I do manage to make a joke during a moment of irritation, it works beautifully to lighten the mood.
I admit that many of my most harsh reactions are triggered by some kind of accusation - that I did something wrong, that I did something rude, that I screwed up in some way. I know that if I can admit to a fault, or let it go, I can lighten my anger. I am certain that my anger is tied to my pride, and pride is something I've been thinking a lot about lately.
I know it's my PMS that triggers these emotion..oh wait, there's one factor too - menopause! But whatever it maybe I am certain that in my case, my anger stems from a tendency toward perfectionism. I want to control things, to have events unfold exactly as I want, have people behave exactly as I direct, and get lots of credit for everything I do. Surprise! That's not how the world works.
So you tell me. What strategy should I do to curb my anger? What helps you defuse anger and irritability?
I need more help!