Sunday, May 3, 2009

Trying hard to manage anger.


I have written about this in my previous blog - PMS, and my tendency to fly off the handle during one of my most disagreeable days. It is something I battle with - largely unsuccessfully - every month. I flared up often that I think anger is the most tempting of the seven deadly sins. During my worst cycle you could best describe me as "edgy."

I was thinking about it as i wrote this because today I was especially cranky - again. I snapped at someone when I shouldn't as he was merely asking a question, but for no reason it irritates me! Maybe I should pay attention to my body. Being too cold, too hot, and especially being too hungry, makes me far more irritable.

And I should acknowledge the reality of other people's feelings, especially those people around me. Instead of snapping back answers like "I don't want to hear a lot of whining" or "It's not that big a deal," I need to try to show that I understand what someone is saying.

Hmmm...I wonder though, would not expressing anger often allows it to dissipate? I know I have trouble with this in person, but I often manage to do it if it involves email - the deliberate effort of writing an irritated email often gives me the opportunity to decide not to send it. You see, when I manage, not to act on how I feel at the moment, it somehow help me to change my feelings after a while.

Have you ever experience of making a joke when your angry? Okay, this strategy could be more fantasy than reality, but on the rare occasion when I do manage to make a joke during a moment of irritation, it works beautifully to lighten the mood.

I admit that many of my most harsh reactions are triggered by some kind of accusation - that I did something wrong, that I did something rude, that I screwed up in some way. I know that if I can admit to a fault, or let it go, I can lighten my anger. I am certain that my anger is tied to my pride, and pride is something I've been thinking a lot about lately.

I know it's my PMS that triggers these emotion..oh wait, there's one factor too - menopause! But whatever it maybe I am certain that in my case, my anger stems from a tendency toward perfectionism. I want to control things, to have events unfold exactly as I want, have people behave exactly as I direct, and get lots of credit for everything I do. Surprise! That's not how the world works.

So you tell me. What strategy should I do to curb my anger? What helps you defuse anger and irritability?

I need more help!

9 comments:

Amy said...

PMS makes me have all kind of emotions...i get moody and real tearful...because i take after my mums side i am beginning to *mess up* down there and so have had 2 monthlys in 1 month...NOT GOOD for steven...he gets most of the snaps lol but he takes the mickey and it cheers me up.

Anger is strange and you take it out on the ones closest to you or the people you really get pi**ed off with...i haven't got any tips...i just carry on with my painkillers and go dopey (it shuts me up lol )

xxxx

NEO-CONDUIT said...

I used to suffer obscene P.M.T, yet have found as I have aged I can handle it better. I have had a hysterectomy so I judge P.M.T based on bodily reactions, fluid retention, tenderness, lethargy, and always bumping my head on things.
I manage the irritability by keeping busy. Exercise helped alot (now I just clean alot), taking a good long pause,reminding myself I'm slightly bitchy before reacting to someone does help. Make sure you get good sleep, and topping up on carbs does help me also. Good luck hun and my empathies with you:)
xoxoxo

Odette said...

Amy, Kirst,
I admit that I do succumb to fit of divine feminine anger whenever I have my PMS - permissible manslaughter.
but i hate it also whenever i have snapped at someone, or become cranky for no apparent reason. damn this hormones wrecking havoc o our emotions, hahaha.
thanks for the tip!! i know iam not alone in this...

Siva said...

Namaste ji..angry is a state of emotinal feelings that we all knows well..BEcause being your hungry and get irritation on others words it shows you did not mind others when you look very deepr the reason on yourself ji..For surely this can be get in control by doing regular practice of pranayama(breathing excerise)and meditation..This 2 thinsg are Boon for you ji...you try it for a month and for sure u will get changes..Take care..Aum

Odette said...

Namaste siva,
is there a proper way of doing pranayama or can i just sit cross-legged and do deep breathing?

how is the book going ji?

Angry American said...

Odette,
The only thing sitting cross legged durring breathing, meditation or any other activity does is cut off circulation to your legs and feet. lol

Very uncomfortable. Not very usefull.

Angry American said...

BTW,
I'm definately not the one to ask advice about anger management except to say, when you're pissed, whatever I would do, you do the opposite. lol

Tracey said...

Just get angry, bugger everyone!!!!!!!!!

Odette said...

tracey,
hahaha...! but i feel guilty afterwards for flaring up when its uncessary.

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