Thursday, May 14, 2009


There is so much good in the worst of us,
And so much bad in the best of us,
That it hardly becomes any of us
To talk about the rest of us.
- Edward Wallis Hoch

Gossip is idle talk or rumor, especially about the personal or private affairs of others. I cannot deny the fact that gossip was a very big part of my life. Being young, I didn't realize the destructive capabilities of this awful habit. I also didn't realize to what level - whether measurably destructive or not, it was plain wrong!

This habit of speaking badly about others, gossiping and repeating information I have no right to spread, attracted me throughout my childhood, and through my school years. But as I matured I decided to make gossip and making hurtful speech my personal self-improvement goal. I may not be all the way there, but I know I am getting closer. I take special pleasure when I am told; " Hey I have known you for over two years and you haven't said any bad words with anybody." I cannot think of a much nicer compliment than that!

It takes effort to break a lifetime habit, but the results are worth it. I look at the world in a completely different way now and the world look at me in a whole new light.

My conflict with another person normally arises from my misuse of my gift of speech. I am aware now that gossip in any form can be destructive to my life, to the lives of those I love, and to anyone I come in contact with.

I tackle this subject because today I learned that the net is not without this vile habit. People here spend much time talking about other people, mostly in a negative way, and spending as much time listening to it as well. And how interesting is it that people in the net tend to immediately believe what the other person is saying about someone, even when the truth is, they haven't even met that person in real life! How funny can that be?

If only people can clean up their speeches, then I am sure they will also be able to clean up their lives. Then maybe one's self respect will be enhanced, and the respect of others will be earned...and only then will relationship be healed and peace will be in the air.

How about you? have you done something significant with this precious gift? Have you used it to express love? To build self esteem? To bring people closer together? To correct an injustice?

Or have you use it to destroy, malign, and separate people from one another?


Tracey said...

We have never had neighbours, so gossiping over the garden fence is out of the question! I am very choosy about friends, and I never tell anyone else anything ever! I once fell out with a good 'friend' who I learned had been spreading lies about me, so now I keep it in the family!
Trace x x x

living_with_ba said...

As Tracey has already said, I also had some "friends" who I discovered had been spreading lies about me to other friends and there was a big bust up back in 2005 and since then I have been careful how much of my life I share with people, especially those I don't know that well, and espcially when I'm writing posts on the blog here is public and is censored, but my LJ is private and only people I know can read it so I'm more likely to share more personal things.

As for my own words, I'm ashamed to say that in my younger years I did my own gossiping and I sometimes fall prey to it even now, but generally, I'm good at keeping my bad opinons to myself and only telling people good things about someone else.

Now, back to writing chapter 19 of book seven!


amna said...

hi odette, you are never short of good ideas to post, what a great mind!

as much as i hate to say this but i stayed away from getting too close with our community for this very primary reason. you know how it is. but it is a human nature and within us. you can always detect a gossipy person through the movement of the eyes and facial experessions and also the kind of conversation they carried. it's amazing how gossip spreads faster than any epedemics, uncomparable to any modern techs any genius minds could invent.
my marital fall out was a hot venue for a while, i told one friend about it and there it goes bwalah!!! i was an instant star. I am no longer upset of having my personal life being scrutinized, I have learned to shrug my shoulder and laugh it off with them.

Sid Brechin said...

I don't tend to listen to gossip. Having been trained in propaganda and it's uses as a weapon, morale building tool etc gossip is just the same thing done by non-professionals. My usual response is to claim I have no idea who they are talking about. To be honest I usually don't. Even when I do claiming to not know is a very good way to drive them ( the gossips ) nuts with frustration. When you notice that is happening you know they are only doing it in some misguided view that putting others down elevates them.

On the other hand I have a habit of putting mouth in gear when I should be applying the brakes. This usually applies to jokes or wisecracks. The odd time it is very effective. I recall one time I had a very busy day at work. All of the Emergency Mechanics had been going non stop for over 9 hours. The pay stubs were at the station which I was stationed at. Around 1AM things settled down. 3 of the other four Mechanics on duty were down to get their stubs and all 3 were black. The collector on duty was a good looking young blonde lady named Kim. The subway would be closing in another half hour and the bars were closing. We were at Toronto's busiest station Yonge and Bloor. A skin head ( white racist ) came in and saw me talking with my 3 black co-workers. He stared at them and blurted out "All niggers should be hung" before the guys had a chance to react ( one of them Henderson was a semi-profesional bodybuilder and could have torn him apart with one hand ). I wise cracked back " I can't speak for all of them but these 3 sure are hung ".

My buddies switched from angry to laughing so hard they could barely stand. Kim fell out of her seat and the skinhead almost crawled down the stairs.

Sid Brechin said...

Telephone telegraph Tell-a-Gossip. Technology can't keep up with the last.

Odette said...

gossiping is everywhere not just among neighbors, but in the workplace, in school, at the gym you go to, and like i said , even here in the net.
but i find the last more funny because of the circumstances. here we are telling our life story to the world and yet people would concoct a different story!
how miserable there life can be?!

Odette said...

where have you been? I am missing you. hope things are going well your way.
oh you know how people love to talk about other people's misery. it give them the boost that their life is better.
if we just ignore it, it will die a natural death and makes those rumor mongerers red in the face, hahaha!

Odette said...

men are also prone to gossip like women, but only because their wives may have initiated it.
you always have funny anecdotes to tell. thanks for sharing your story.

rattles said...

Hi Odette,

Gossip is terrible and hurtful too. Ive been guilty of gossip in my younger days but whilst i was at college and uni i was victim to some extensive bullying due to gossip that was totally untrue. Since then i have always tried to only say good things about people especially when using their names-if i cannot be totally positive i try and stay quiet or give an overall balanced opinion of good and bad points without being too focussed on negative qualities. We all have negative qualities as we're all human but its how we use our positive and negative qualities that gets us through.

I have just started to read your blog im sorry its taken so long ive been battling some rather major health issues aswell as wrestling some rather difficult tribunal situations recently and all i can do is apologise i have been so rubbish at keeping in touch. I promise to try harder :-)

Will be doing a lot of reading over the next few days to catch up on things.

I hope you are well and i look forwards to speaking to you soon.
Take care
lotsa lv Rattles Xxxx

Odette said...

i was pleasantly surprise to hear from you. i hope you get the tribunal decision on your favor.
i will visit your blog now to see what's going on in your life there...

rattles said...

hi odette
It was lovely to hear from you too. I am catching up with things slowly! :-) unfortunatly the appeal hearing wasnt successful but it is now going to tribunal-i wont hear from the court for another 28 days but least they're taking things seriously at the moment!

The latest scare was quite traumatic and has shaken me up rather a lot but im very glad to be home again and have now invested in a notebook computer thing that will enable me to use the internet in hospital if im well enough so hopefully i will not neglect my blog friends in the future-sorry ive not been in touch for a while!

Love the posts ive read on hear so far odette your blog is a real breath of fresh air-will catch up on more of your posts today and tomorrow! :-)

Take care and keep in touch. Lotsa lv Rattles Xxxx


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