Thursday, November 5, 2009

Let us rally behind her.


A comment on my previous post about gang rape had touch a very sensitive chord. First, because I realized that such a crime can happen to anyone, even to well behaved girls. And second, because she is a friend.

From her narration, I could surmised that rape is a crime that often victimize its survivors twice: first in the perpetration of the crime, and second in the resulting investigation.

We all know that when a person is mugged or robbed, he or she usually doesn't think twice about going to the police to report the crime and try to exact justice upon the perpetrator. However, victims of rape are often hesitant to report the crime, because of the very personal nature of it, and because of the unfortunate societal trend of blaming the victim, hence rape victims feel as if reporting the crime will bring more torment than closure.

Why is it that if a man is drunk at a party and, as a result of his inebriation, his wallet was stolen or is taken advantage in another way, his drunk state in no way excuses the perpetrator's behavior? However, a woman's inebriation in a rape case (even when her drink was laced, as my commenter had stated) is often brought in as evidence to make the rapist's behavior seem less atrocious. Just imagine having to go through the experience of being raped and then go through a trial where she is assigned responsibility for the crime is an unfortunate truth for survivors of rape. No wonder women have their reluctance to report the crime.

But as my friend had related in her comment, she had transformed from a fairly pitiful victim to a woman who took control of her destiny and life. Of course, the initial transformation took years and was and is at times a very painful journey. But she is sharing her story with other victims by giving them counseling and support and thereby she is getting stronger. She had put all her strength and hope into returning to the person she had worked so hard to become.

The charity org. that she works for though is in need of new funding. the name of the organization is SRASACS which stands for Sheffield Rape and Sexual Abuse Counseling Service. She will be very happy to give you more information about this if you are interested.

In parting this is what she said:

"So I guess what im trying to say is that the charity works on empowering women who have been badly let down by everyone. Society failed them in order for the attack to happen then judicial systems failed them by not gaining custodial sentences for the perpetrators and then again for not having adequate support facilities available as our charity is only a small one."

"Also if you do write about it try to spread the word about it being a rape survivor and not a rape victim as these girls are strong girls they have fought back against flashbacks and anger and shame and come through it, whereas a victim would sit and not deal with it in some respects. The girls who generally go through the process are empowered and really feel like they are survivors if you know what I mean. Maybe not all the time and you do occasionally have the odd rocky moment but they and I survived it!"

Darn ...if we could only give her a group hug, no?

7 comments:

Angry American said...

Odette,
In america things have become the opposite. Public views and opinions may be similar but, as far as the law is concerned, now adays the victim is almost ALWAYS believed untill proven wrong.

In fact, in some cases, very sick, twisted woman use this to get back at men they don't like, or to get big money from famous people. This has happened many times recently, and was in the news about some of our star athletes.

If the rape happened within the past few days, even a shower won't always clean up evidence like pubic hair, sperm etc, so the cops ask victims to submit to a "rape kit" for evidence. They can obviously use DNA to ID the rapist, and the tests are much more sensitive than older tests.

If any "date rape" drug is so much as suspected, and/or traces are taken from the victim's cup or glass, it's an almost guaranteed conviction, even if it's a boyfriend or close friend.

There are still MANY cases in small towns and suburbs where incompetent, asshole cops, detectives and prosocutors brush women off, and won't always let them file a report.

Either way, it's a disgusting crime and these guys should have the shit beaten out of them.

wheezy tux said...

Odette,
there are no words I can out together to explain waht I felt reading your post.

it is so very true that somethign like this can happen to anyone.

I am thinking of.

all the best

WT x

living_with_ba said...

It is disgusting that people who have been the victim of such an horrendous crime can be blamed for it...and it is wrong, I totally support the person you are talking about, and will rally behind her in person this weekend. Thank you for writing this post, you always put things in such a brilliant way.

Thinking of you

Sid Brechin said...

AA's comments are an indication of something fairly new. The law lagging behind technology. The reason evidence was dismissed before was the victim could not provide an even misty memory of what really happened. Now a new type of "frame" is making the rounds. Girls framing ex's by putting a drug in a drink then fabricating a story. The penalty or revenge is that defending yourself from something like this is at least tens of thousands of dollars not to mention the stigma.

Something similiar was done to me ( I had a stalker ) if not for that I would be quite wealthy now rather than getting by ok. I won't put the info here but if someone wants I can tell the story. In the long run the legal costs ended costing me a beautiful four bedroom house on a half acre lot. Even thought the court actually proved me innocent ( not a not guilty verdict but proof of innocence ) the costs don't get recovered and you can't sue to recover them.

One look at the tape of the site and you can see it was planned. A better place for an ambush could not be found. I only pray that a all the perps are caught and dealt with and more importantly that the young lady can go on to lead a happy and healthy life

rattles said...

Thank you Odette for uour sensitive and touching post.

There are many myths associating rape - which many people still believe. I would point anyone towards the website below as the common myths/beliefs are challenged and explained as either truth (Fact) or wrong (fiction)....

http://www.d.umn.edu/cla/faculty/jhamlin/3925/myths.html

I hope that one day we can all live in a society that those who experience this type of crime will be able to speak up and get justice without fear of judgement and prejudice.

Thankyou for your help in spreading the word about the help available to rape survivors and highlighting the work that these little groups do - they truely are little beams of light to survivors in what would otherwise seem a very dark and scary world.

All my love
Rattles Xxxx

NEO-CONDUIT said...

Great post Odette, Im right behind this women and all women who have experienced this including myself. You can survive , you can make it through. The hardest part is the court cases I can see why women under report it. being so exposed, having to fight for any credibility is hell for most.
xoxooxoxo

rattles said...

Hi Odette

That website needs to be written like below for it to work : -

http://www.d.umn.edu/cla/faculty/jhamlin/3925/myths.html

Sorry for anyone who tried the previous link and failed. It gives a list of rape myths and the corrosponding truth that goes along with that myth.

Thank you for this fabulous post highlighting the need for our little beams of hope (our councilling services!)

Lotsa lv Rattles Xxxx

LinkWithin

Blog Widget by LinkWithin