Saturday, December 20, 2008

PMS - permissible manslaughter

My sons call me Kali whenever I get angry, and I admit that I do succumb to fit of divine feminine anger whenever I have my PMS.

But I would disagree entirely to a picture of me sporting a hideous countenance, like the Indian goddess in the picture. That’s extremely exaggerated! I don’t have a lolling tongue, or a pendulous breast, but I admit I seem like ready to devour the world when I am mad, hahaha.

So ok, for the woefully ignorant male population, premenstrual syndrome refers to a mood disorder which occurs during the second half of a woman’s cycle which eventually resolves itself with our period. I have also come to personally know PMS as “God’s wrath to man.”

Now, for those men who do not want to become a fashion accessory (glance at the picture), there are certain rules that apply when you are confronted by female anger.

The first rule is that, women have the divine right to get angry at you about anything because it is your entire fault. Our problem at work, our lack of sleep, our constipation, the slow internet connection, the wrong shade of lipstick, our PMS – all these can and will be traced back to you.

The second rule is that you don’t have the luxury of getting angry back at us (glances at the picture the second time, and think of a necklace of human skulls dangling in front of your face).

The third rule is that we can say the most scornful, scandalous, hurtful, and venomous things to you, but you must ignore what we said because apparently we don’t mean them.
Besides, whatever we say in a bout of anger is forgotten fifteen minutes later.

The fourth rule compliments the third, which mean if we send you scornful, scandalous, hurtful text messages, you’re suppose to delete them IMMEDIATELY. Unless you want your cell phone lodge up your large intestine, do not keep a record of these messages and show them to us next argument.

And the last rule, never ever try to get physical with us if you don’t want us to pull out an ACME hammer from thin air and get Bugs Bunny on your ass, literally. Of course you may have noticed that angry women in cartoons could summon a mallet from nowhere and mercilessly clobber a man who gets her ire.

The key thing is, you may respond to our anger but we don’t want you to be angry with us in return. Just don’t pay attention to what we say as to how we say it, and this may just save you from kissing face with an ACME hammer.

And yes, I am writing this while I am PMSing.


N/A said...

Dear sweet JESUS! For fear of losing my family jewels, no comment.

Tracey said...

Perfect and so TRUE! xxx

Sid Brechin said...

PMS is the reason the mens olympic running events have faster times then the womens. Survival of the species.

There is a joke doing the rounds here that the reason it is called PMS is that Mad Cow Disease Was already taken

dr ravi said...

As a doctor,I ratify what you have written about PMS as women have been known to be even homicidal and even commit murders. But many women can take refuge under that and create mayhem, even when its not so severe.

Wonderfully written piece, tongue in cheek and very sarcastic!! Keep it up!!!


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