Saturday, September 4, 2010

Unfinished, untitled.


It's Sunday.

The day started with me slowly waking up to the sound of mom's footsteps downstairs. Instead of getting up, I pulled the blanket over my arm and curled my body in a fetal position. I shivered a little. I am cold. I am awake. I am lonely. I am scared.

Lying in bed, I contemplated on the events of the past days, months... I acknowledged that I am getting older, heavier and less attractive. The odds of growing old alone gets higher by pounds, wrinkles and years.

There was a time when I had someone to have breakfast with. He stayed in my life for a short time. He was a good man and it felt right. I let him in and for a while it seemed, my luck had changed.

Then, he changed his mind and went away. I was left asking myself where I failed.

I was happy to have someone to curl up with at night, someone to cook, to talk, to laugh with... It still hurts to remember those times when he would come up behind me and hug me tight while I am at the sink washing the dishes.

I started to cry. I couldn't stop no matter how hard I try. I pressed my face on my pillow wanting to go back to sleep. This new day had nothing new to offer me.

Dreaming sounded so much better...

5 comments:

MEDICALBOOBOOS said...

Wow hun thats impassioned and I hope not true for you! Your beautiful just the way you are xoxoxo

Mimi said...

I am so sorry, Odette.
I wish that I could magically take away your pain.
Sending hugs and prayers, Mimi

Fi from Four Paws and Whiskers said...

Dearest Odette... if there is any truth in this in your own life this is very sad... I so want you to have a great life and be happy. You are a lovely woman and deserve someone wonderful to share it with and to be safe and loved.
xxx

Odette said...

Kirst, Mimi, Fi
Thanks guys for your concern. I am OK. i know this pain will come to pass. i just need time to heal...
xoxoxo

Chicken Boys said...

My sweet, sweet Odette. I will be the first to admit that growing old with someone is better than growing old alone. But I remeber the time I was alone. I refused to be that way. I was well involved in church. I made lots of friends there, as well as at work. I refused to be alone even when I was. I visited friends frequently, I invited them over for dinner, movies, game night. I spent hours talking on the phone. I do hope you can do the same, at least as an interim to meeting someone else. Hope you find the comfort you need in friends and family.
~Randy

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