Monday, February 16, 2009

Musings...



I have always admired Tracy for her beautiful home as I have seen from her blogs. I particularly like the way she kept it shabby and chic. And all these, she did with passion.

A home they say is where your heart is. But what if I dont have a home? I don't consider this apartment I am renting right now as my home. What I have instead are fragmented memories of houses I have lived in. So, where should my heart be?

Going home to the province where I once lived only made my homelessness more apparent. Gone is my room, and I have to keep my clothings in my luggage all through out my stay there. It seems like people there can enjoy only my momentary stay, or the temporary entertainment I can provide.

But it was necessary for me to leave home when I went to college and more so after graduating. I have to look for a job and the city life beckons me. It wasn't just all about adventure and the excitement of a new place, it's about making a dent in the world. Of finding one's niche, but it also means going through a thousand doors and waking up to see a hundred different ceilings and not being able to call any of them your own. So far I have moved to seven different houses since I came to the city.

But I have always created a picture of a home - my home. This home will not be mere concrete or wood, or steel or glass. It will not be featured on the front page of architectural magazines. It will not have the most fashionable furniture or the most elegant curtains and rugs. This home will not be a house, or just any other place. It will be a shelter and a refuge.

This home will be decorated by the memories of my most cherished moments. It will stand on the foundation of love, and it will have a roof of comfort. It will have windows of hope through which rays of faith may enter and bring light to the entire place. Most importantly, it will have an open door to welcome the people I keep close to me, the people who have dealt with my idiosyncracies and refused to be pushed away. The people who have kept me going in my journey and who have made me the person I am and everything that is good in me. It will be the most beautiful home that anyone has ever seen. And one day, I will find it - or build it.

I have a 500 sq m. lot in the province. This shouldn't be difficult. Some day.

10 comments:

Tracey said...

Lovely post Odette, when you get your dream home, can I visit?!
Love Tracey xxx

blue_butterfly said...

Tracey,
of course! this will you give you a respite from the cold and depressing weather there. and you can give me tips on how to decorate the house - i love the idea!

Angry American said...

I hope that home has a water heater too (that's in inside joke folks).

Sid Brechin said...

I have had 3 different and nice houses in my life. Now I live in an apartment above a store. I don't have to shovel snow it's quiet at night and everything is handy. As I have agoraphobia with Panic Disorder that is important.

Growing up I ended going to 13 different schools before I graduated High School. Sometimes it was due to moves, often as I was part of the "Baby Boom" I was moved when a new school was built and some students moved to the new school. Everytime that happened I was one of those move. In one case I was the only person in my whole school that was moved. Then there were the normal changes, junior high and high school.

When I started working no one school offered all the subjects I needed to master my trade plus I have an almost obsesive love of learning so I have been to 5 Colleges. I did live one place for 13 years It was my Grandparents place but they were usually at the college or in florida at their retirement home. When they decided to give up the apartment I took it over. It was also above a store and my Grand father was so much my hero I wouldn't be surprised if that were the real reason I now do the same.

However to address Odette's subject I have never had anywhere I considered home. The Army was like a home but only other soldiers will understand that. Maybe I will try to explain that someday in my own blog.

There is also a saying home is where you lay your hat. I am something like that. I tend to live in my mind, my own head. Material things don't mean much to me. I work very hard to try to be an honouralbe man. It is far more work than I think anyone could imagine.

For example money means nothing to me other than a tool for living. I am retired but my pension is higher than most people in this town make working full time or even two jobs in many cases. I am not selfish with my Money. I tend to treat people often. Today I bought lunch for the young lady who helps me house clean and her daughter. The daughter's birthday was last week and the Mom only has her every other weekend so I took them out and let the daughter pick out an outfit as her birthday gift from me. At Christmas Amy ( the mother ) bought her son and daughter mp3 players. Neither would play but did store data. I had promised to put music on them when they got them but as that was not working I bought them new ones.

I would like to have a home again but at the moment am not sure where I want to live. I have become fasinated by languages lately and my retirement dream was to travel the world. not as a tourist but to live a country until I was native fluent and literate. I haven't given up on that dream

If you are comfortable in your own mind where ever you are is home. It can be a luxury hotel or a foxhole. I have spent lots of time in both and am as comfortable in the one as the other.

All that said you are really at home whenever you are surrounded by family. Perhaps that is why I felt like the Army was home. When there is a good chance you are going to have to depend on each other just to stay alive a trust builds that is stronger then almost any family ties. I am sure each of you have seen men who have run into army buddies and talk like they talk every day only you may find out later they have not seen each other for 20 or 30 years.


When you do build your home Odette let me know. I know how to make a home solar hot water heat that costs very little. It won't give you the super hot water we in North America are used to but it will let you have a warm bath or do laundry.

It would not make a lot of sense for me to do it. If I had a cottage I would do it the extremes of Canadian winters make it impractable to do year round.

blue_butterfly said...

sid,
thanks for the offer...this house is open for you as well. you are among those people who had been there when the going gets rough.

thank you so much, my friend.

amna said...

home ..very touchy for me now. my home is in the market , i can't maintain it by myself, have to let it go though it pierced my heart. I have put all my love and efforts to make this a home..my pride. i was dreaming to sit down on my backyard at my retirement age but everything had changed, have to change my dreams too. My good friend had posted on my friendster the satellite pics of my home,looks so beautiful, i cried. anyway, hopefully i will build a solid one someday where i can stay until i grow old.

amna said...

my first home before was a simple bungalow and had myself pampered by putting jacuzzi,and fire place and pig plasma tv. in the basement. i kept the house spotless. when we moved out, i was not crying for letting the house go but i was mourning for my beautiful flowers garden especially my roses and peonies.. i was crazy enough to go back on spring time and voluntered to the owner to do the gardening for them. of course they were ecstatic.

blue_butterfly said...

amna,
some events in our life just happen and we are left wondering why we aren't taught pain management. but the beauty of it is that we always recovered... and get the better of it.

you will get another home and it will be all worth it. wish you the best...

Tracey said...

Hey Odette....you know how much I love you?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Well I have another award for you.
Come and get it
Tracey xxxxxxxxxxxx

Cottage Rose said...

Hi
Thanks for stopping by my blog, I added you too.
The past couple of weeks in Australia have been horrible. Bushfires wiped out over 1000 homes but many lives were lost. Your home is your sanctuary, where you lay your head at night in comfort. But really a home is only a structure, your family and your own happiness and safety and good health is what`s important.
Rose

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