On who's authority?

No matter who we are or what we have, we’re going to have to answer to some sort of higher power. And despite my position in the company, I always have to serve somebody higher than me. It’s tough to have to answer to anybody, but it’s one of those inevitable aspects of life we struggle to accept. In some cases, we are merely paying our dues, and in others we are going through the unavoidable. However, just because you have to answer to them, doesn’t mean we have to lose our dignity. Rather, we just have to learn how to deal with all the different types of authority.

In my country where corruption is rampant, there’s a thin line between a cop and a criminal. But that sole differentiation is a dangerous one as the cops got the law on their side. They can be irrational, they can abuse their power, but believe me you cannot beat them. The only thing you can do is smile and make nice. More often than not we’ll get out of more tickets complimenting the policeman on his shiny boots than we will by arguing our case for a non-existent traffic violation.

I don’t like having to give half of my income to the Bureau of Internal Revenue( IRS to you), that’s why I don’t. But you can’t cheat this authority figure for long. However, thanks to the generous loopholes offered by the Philippine government, I can legally deny this entity quite a bit of my income. I don’t get angry, I get smart. Ha, ha ,ha!

Unlike most authority figures, the boss is one who can easily be bypassed. There are only so many times you can grab your ankles and smile. If you’re having trouble with a boss who fails to appreciate the importance of a good employee, then simply find the other co-workers who share your frustration. Think of it as forming a micro-union. But then I am so thankful that my new boss is so much different from the previous one.

Like you, I have never seen a burning bush, and I never walked on water. But there’s still a part of me that thinks this authority figure is up there. And to be honest, although the atheists have a case, I don’t see the point in taking a chance. I am a Catholic and I adhere to my church teachings.

One of the most frequently overlooked authoritative body is that of our own. I know that sounds corny, but before you light the incense and get into a yoga position, hear me out. We can avoid answering to some of the higher powers that be, but we can’t avoid answering to ourselves. If you’re that type who treat friends and family like dirt, there’s going to come a point when you can’t stand the person you see in the mirror anymore. You can lie and make excuses for such behavior, but you might run into that ugly moment of self-reflection somewhere down the line.

Now, this is for my boys: I got the final say in everything you do, whether you're willing to accept it or not. I'll tell you what to wear, what to eat and who to date. You're all mama's boys at heart, and the only thing you can do is accept it. Every time I am being annoying, or overly controlling, refrain from whining. Remember, this is the woman who brought you into the world. And even though it takes two to tango, Mama’s the one who did all the legwork. So be good to me, take care of me and always remember: MAMA KNOWS BEST!

If only they haven't stopped reading my blog...

A must-learn for me.

Having lived in Asia, I grew up watching Chinese movies. Of course, the dubbing is funny and so are the accent, but then it's not the sound that excites us young viewers, but the actions - the flying, the kicks, the different karate styles, etc.

But with over a hundred martial arts movies I have watched, you would ask, have I ever learned a single technique on self defense?

Sad, but no, I havent. Although now I realize that it is never too late to learn a few techniques as violence is all over the spectrum, and it could happen to anyone. There is no age limit to it. Everyone of us can become a victim because the bad guys prey on weaker people. Although I could say that women are at a higher risk because women seem more vulnerable most of the time.

And besides crime can happen in any area too. In fact,there are no known crime areas, except maybe in Cleveland Ohio ( Imao, just joking Ray!), coz there are bad parts of every town that we go to. Crime can happen in a grocery parking lot or in a public toilet, or just about anywhere!

So ok, we try to assure our safety by moving into nicer areas and shopping in nicer malls and sending our kids to nicer schools but still that doesn't guarantee that crime is not going to happen. In fact, there is no exact time for criminals. They work when they feel like working.

I was told that in a real crime situation, an attack could be over within a few short seconds. And these seconds are filled with panic, chaos and confusion, and one won't have time to think at this point. Therefore, those flashy self defense moves in movies I have seen like flying kicks and acrobatic stunts while taking out 10 opponents simultaneously only look good on screen, but not in the reality of a violent attack.

So, woe to me, I don't know any of those self defense moves. So how will I survive when faced with such danger? What tool should I be carrying in my purse that I can use to defend myself? Gun is a no-no, and "chako" is heavy and big, and so is an escrima stick, Ray!

But I do know that the best self defense is not being there in the first place.

And the second-best self defense technique is to run.

When learning should be an absolute joy.

March...graduation time. Students are once again in the limelight. Especially those graduating with honors and or with special academic awards.

Now, before anybody goes off thinking that academics don't matter to me, let me say, that as a parent that isn't exactly the case. It isn't that I saw no reason for my boys to study because I knew an education is important.

What I never get, is the point of all this hullabaloo about getting THE grade.

I'm of that school of thought that knowledge can't really be graded. Well, knowledge of certain objective truths like in Math - those can be measured. But how to measure with a number the use of a simile, or making a pasta, or a creative design?

For one thing, I am also taken aback by how seriously some parents take this whole notion of education as a competition.

Of course, I see that the world is all competition. And even if we try not to compete, we cannot entirely avoid it. Sure, I can make sense of competition for a job, for a promotion, for client in business. But competition in education? I guess part of me is still in some fantasy world where education means learning and not getting the grade.

However some parent are so intent on having their kids do well in school they get tutors even while the kid is in the first grade and should instead be enjoying this thing once known as a childhood.

I even hear so many parents lament now that their kids spend so much time in front of a television watching cartoons. A complaint that's been around since they themselves were kids! I suppose they would be happier if their children spend their free time memorizing encyclopedia. Maybe they feel that would be normal.

Unfortunately, not all kids are created equal. In other words, there are some kids that even if you strap them to a chair and flash mathematical equation in front of them the whole day, they still won't get it.

And it's not because they are dumb. It's because each child has a special way of learning.

Technology without limit.

I know my beliefs are old school, kinda.

I believe that having children is a gift that comes with challenges, happiness, and disappointments. I also believe we are all GOD's children and we where made for his purpose, therefore we should not be trying to engineer children for our purpose, as this is a form of selfishness.

But scanning through the net today I stumbled upon an article, where a Los Angeles based fertility clinic says it is ready to deliver the world's first designer's baby. The technology, which relies on genetic screening processes, allows parents to choose the sex, eye color, skin tone, hair color, and other attributes of their newborn -- at a cost of $18,000.

I was mortified beyond belief! What has happened to people's virtues?!!

Damn, this is one small step towards complete altercation of humans in general. I don't know, but if you design the baby before it is born, it's like we are taking away the originality of that person. I guess its sort of like, they become a ''product'' and not a person created by their parents. They now become artificial in a sense of having chosen attributes, since they do not have the attributes that they were given naturally.

What is even more appalling is that though the clinic says that they can't guarantee a 100% success rate, many hopeful parents-to-be are reportedly queuing up for the privilege of eliminating serendipity from the birth process.

Phew, I can't wait for this to go all wrong and people end up with kids who have 2 heads or something like that or the practice gets sued because their baby didn't come out looking right.



Just imagine when one of the designer's baby end up looking like Michael Jackson. Who would want that for their kids, huh?

Is this even ethical? Tell me your views on this.

When is saying "sorry" enough?

I’ll be blunt with this, but unforgiveness, hurts!

Ok, you may wonder who hurts, that’s a fair question, especially when those who hang unto their anger, bitterness, fear, or sorrow wouldn’t want to forgive hoping to hurt the offender by doing so.

Unfortunately, it doesn’t work like that.

From my experience, being unable to forgive also hurts me and made me suffer for choosing not to forgive. Admittedly I have become obsessed with a hurt before. And I felt justified by clinging to it because I felt it was a big deal.

However, this experience also made me understand why some people can be “forgiveness challenged”. One reason could be because they want me to know how they felt with what happened and that by not forgiving me, they thought they are punishing me in some way. Another reason could be that they think the offense is so huge, and to them it feels too big to forgive.

Of course, I am just being candid here with my personal struggles. But for those who continue to mess with me and stab me in the back: maybe your reasons for unforgiveness are different than mine. But whatever they are, are they worth the destruction this can bring about in our lives?

I know that you are entitled to say whatever you want, but please don’t tell me I shouldn’t say this or think that or do this and not do that. I just don’t understand why you react negatively to everything you read, or hear. Maybe you’re missing the point while you are making negative comments and spending long hours defending your belief to friends and even strangers, for what? Whether you change your thinking or I change mine today, tomorrow, years from now, or never what does it really matter? The world will keep on spinning!

No one is perfect. For heaven’s sakes, no part of life is perfect. Relationships break down because we have never been taught skills on how to prevent resentment from destroying our good intentions. How many times do I need to say SORRY? Why does saying sorry not work? And why am I even apologizing to something which I feel was not my fault in the first place?

Look, at some point in our lives we can be wronged, betrayed, lied to or hurt by another. It is very difficult in this imperfect world full of imperfect people not to be on the receiving end of some injustice. I have been there before, and it sucks!

But by being unforgiving we are only holding on to the anger, resentment and a sense of betrayal. Being unforgiving we’re saying to ourselves “I am not going to let this event go and I am going to remain angry, bitter resentful and hurt". Being unforgiving does not change the past or hold back the person we don’t forgive, rather it is a self inflicted poison that can only lead to a more miserable life.

I am aware that forgiving someone who has deceived me can be extremely difficult, but after being faced with a deep and painful hurt, I just look deep in my heart and make a choice to forgive, to let go, to embrace and welcome the liberating power of forgiveness in my heart, mind and soul.

I hope you will find in your heart to forgive me too…

To snow or not to snow.

Having lived in a country where the sun is always shining, I have longed for snow.

As a kid, I have dreamed of burying myself in the snow and frolicking in it like those kids I saw in English movies. I so love the way those kids look when they’re bundled up in their little snowsuits. I envy too that they always have such beautiful rosy cheeks which is brought about by the frosty air. Of course, it is so much easier to breathe cold, crisp air than hot, heavy air!

Even in my adult life I had wished I am watching a snowfall through my window while sipping hot cocoa. I thought nothing could be cozier than sitting before a warm fire on a cold winter’s night. And I can think of lots of hot, hearty meals that would go great with cold weather. Indeed, I thought living through a cold climate would be a blast!

Until I had talked to people who had to endure it. They say that living through the winter season is a real challenge. Not only because one can be much more inclined to become arthritic, or be haunted by respiratory problems, bronchitis or pneumonia. But also because snow removal can be burdensome, and there are some health risks involved.

They say too that if the temperature dips too low, you have to be mindful of the possibility of frostbite. Chapped skin can also be an ongoing problem so one must be prepared with plenty of lip balm. Besides many layers of clothing can inhibit one's ability to move quickly - if need be. Another irritants is power outages which can be frequent and lengthy, therefore back-up plans are always necessary!

A friend claimed that if one is planning to travel, or are expecting guests, excessive snow can ruin any plan. They also said that one need to gauge the amount of time he/she will spend outdoors as prolonged exposure can be hazardous as extreme cold can pose other health hazards, especially for heart and respiratory patients.

Oh, I told myself I can handle all that. Even when I am small and not really cold tolerant, I told myself I can very well deal with such nuisances.

But then nothing prepared me with the other illness that comes with winter. From my chat with Sid I have learned that passing seasons change the habits and moods of people. During winter months, a gloominess which they call winter blues, February blahs, Holiday depression or doldrums is noted among people.

With the severest cases of this type of depression diagnosed as seasonal affective disorder(SAD). According to Sid, people who are inflicted with this illness tend to sleep more, is always tired, depressed, and feel physical aches.

Now wait a minute, that doesn't seem comforting! Will I thrive in this weather? Given the choice between slush and 20 degrees below zero... or sun and birds and flowers and sun and warmth and sun.... hmmmmm.

The essential "tabo".

In the news is a Filipino machinist working in a small Australian town who was fired from his job because he insisted of using a tabo( water dipper) when he use the office toilet. Most likely the man brought this with him to the loo so that after he relieved himself he can clean his "down-under" and I don't mean the geographical place.

There was an exchange of views though, as the Australian insisted that when in Australia, one must do things the Australian way - in other words, the dipper was taboo. But our feisty Filipino held his ground and lost his job. An uproar followed, and the trade union of machinists sides with my countrymen. The company however, eventually claimed the worker was being disciplined for having left his work without proper leave.

The Townsville incident relates to a hygienic function, the Filipino way: cleaning up after doing scatological duties, not just by dousing the rear with water but sometimes even soaping it, and after the cleaning, taking up another dipper of water to flush the toilet followed by still another dipper ritual to wash and soap the hands.

Now, you might ask, why can’t Filipinos make life simpler by using toilet paper? Simple. Because it has become an enduring habit incorporated into our bodies and our psyche. Many Filipinos, even upper-class ones, will insist that the dipper leaves them cleaner down there. And also because it’s more ecologically friendly than using moist wipes or toilet paper.

But please don’t think that this dipper and washing thing is a sign of barbarism or of the impoverished Third World. There are many cultures in the world that dislike toilet paper, which is why you have the bidet, a low-mounted plumbing fixture with nozzles to spray water for cleaning the bum.

When you think about it, the dipper is a low-tech, affordable version of the bidet that we call tabo or for young Filipinos growing up overseas - teboe.