Monday, October 12, 2009

First Love Thrills.

I felt like a giddy teenager the other day! You see, I am not aware that I had a secret admirer when I was in high school. The guy who is happily married now, had told me this and we kind of laugh about it.

First love... Wow, they make us do things we don’t normally do, like in his case, standing in a street corner waiting to get a glimpse of me. Or, telling his friends how in love he is, hoping that they will tell because he doesn’t have the nerve to do it himself! I wonder if he had written my name in his notebook, and stared aimlessly at it.

But, one thing is certain. After our talk, memories of my first love came flooding my mind. I also realized that just because I don't think about it, doesn't mean I have forgotten. Like when being near that special someone was the focus of my whole life. I can still remember the way I felt the first time our eyes met. Or the anticipation I felt, hoping my first love felt the same way about me. Or the rush of excitement the first time we held hands and exchanged smiles.

And being attracted to someone also has become a turning point for me as my appearance has become a matter of extreme importance. My taste in clothes began to change along with personal hygiene. Indeed, experiencing love for the very first time has changed my whole attitude and I become more sensitive to the feelings of others. Some, call it puppy-love and consider it youthful infatuation. Oh, call it what you will, but the feelings are intense and can stay with me for the rest of my life.

But what if you saw that person after a long, long time and you realized that the feeling is still burning inside your heart? Is it actually love, or just a memory of the feeling that had been left behind?

Yes, it's lovely to look back and remember the person who taught you about hiding love notes in pockets and stealing glances. It can certainly bring warmth to our heart, remembering how innocent and beautiful those feelings were. There will probably always be a place in our heart for that person, because their remembered self is as much a part of us as we are a part of them.

But that isn't love, its nostalgia. It lends a power and a glow to something that we are glad we have experienced.

How about you? Do you still remember the first person who made your knees go weak? Made your heart flutter at the very sight of them? The one who left you speechless, breathless and starry-eyed?


Tracey said...

Yes, I am still with him. Since I was 15........!

Sid Brechin said...

I remember my first love. In fact I still have the jewelry box she gave me the Christmas we were dating. It was dating with nothing improper about it. We were more effective chaperons to each other than having one with us would have been.

I spent a small fortune on Christmas gifts for her that year well over $100 which was an awful lot of money in 1972. I guess we dated for about 10 months in total.

After we did split up it was a couple of years before I did any dating again. With me that has become a bit of a pattern.

It's still a pattern. It's been at least 3 years since I've last dated. I have had both good and bad relationships, and some in between the two. The bad ones were very bad. I still can't see myself even looking for a relationship. Today is Thanksgiving in Canada. Being alone on such holidays is a bit rough. Pitiful really it's just another day no different from any other.

Still dating was difficult when I was young. It isn't easy to find someone you can develop a 'crush' on. Never mind someone you think it could grow into something serious or permanent. It seems even scarier now.

There's a saying there are lots of Fish in the sea. This fish has removed himself to a nice little goldfish bowl. The other fish have of late been all types I never developed the slightest crush on.s

Bubble said...

awww sweet post.

Steven had a thing for me all through school and I really didn't take a fancy to him lol! Then when we had both left school and met on the bridge one afternoon it was love from then. He is the only 'love' I have ever had. the other 'boyfriends' when at school were not the greatest of people...mum would agree lol!


Angry American said...

I only had two "crushes" in school. One was from jr. high through high school. I even grew a pair big enough to ask her on a date but, she had a b/f. Or so she claimed. (I'm convinced there was a school wide conspirancy against me skillfully carried out by all the girls)

It was really frustrating being one of the unpopular geeks in high school. Looking back, I guess I was lucky. While I suffered from jealousy and constant day dreaming about my crush, my other brain kept distracting me with other requests like: "let's bang, let's bang her...hey, let's bang em both!".


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