Monday, October 12, 2009
First Love Thrills.
I felt like a giddy teenager the other day! You see, I am not aware that I had a secret admirer when I was in high school. The guy who is happily married now, had told me this and we kind of laugh about it.
First love... Wow, they make us do things we don’t normally do, like in his case, standing in a street corner waiting to get a glimpse of me. Or, telling his friends how in love he is, hoping that they will tell because he doesn’t have the nerve to do it himself! I wonder if he had written my name in his notebook, and stared aimlessly at it.
But, one thing is certain. After our talk, memories of my first love came flooding my mind. I also realized that just because I don't think about it, doesn't mean I have forgotten. Like when being near that special someone was the focus of my whole life. I can still remember the way I felt the first time our eyes met. Or the anticipation I felt, hoping my first love felt the same way about me. Or the rush of excitement the first time we held hands and exchanged smiles.
And being attracted to someone also has become a turning point for me as my appearance has become a matter of extreme importance. My taste in clothes began to change along with personal hygiene. Indeed, experiencing love for the very first time has changed my whole attitude and I become more sensitive to the feelings of others. Some, call it puppy-love and consider it youthful infatuation. Oh, call it what you will, but the feelings are intense and can stay with me for the rest of my life.
But what if you saw that person after a long, long time and you realized that the feeling is still burning inside your heart? Is it actually love, or just a memory of the feeling that had been left behind?
Yes, it's lovely to look back and remember the person who taught you about hiding love notes in pockets and stealing glances. It can certainly bring warmth to our heart, remembering how innocent and beautiful those feelings were. There will probably always be a place in our heart for that person, because their remembered self is as much a part of us as we are a part of them.
But that isn't love, its nostalgia. It lends a power and a glow to something that we are glad we have experienced.
How about you? Do you still remember the first person who made your knees go weak? Made your heart flutter at the very sight of them? The one who left you speechless, breathless and starry-eyed?