Being socially inept.

I don’t do parlor games, and to the best of my ability I employ every skill I have to avoid having to participate in them. I suppose that if everybody playing were really, really good close personal friends, then a game or two wouldn’t inflict much suffering. But playing parlor games as a way of knowing perfect strangers presents an experience second only to waking up next to a dead horse on the horror meter.

I remember this one time when a parlor game was introduced as “getting to know you” activity. The whole group, about 30 people or so, had to pick out a piece of paper from a bowl. These pieces of paper contained the names of farm animals – a cow, chicken, goat, duck and sheep. Once the participants had read what’s on the paper, they should close their eyes and find their group mates by making the appropriate barnyard noise.

I was able to convince the organizer that I will document the whole thing, and I spent the next minutes watching 30 grown men and women mooing and clucking and baaing all over the room. After many painful seconds witnessing this, everybody found their animal friends, except for the ducks. There were two groups of duck. Not everybody was quacking the same way!

Of course those who participated in the games seemed to enjoy it thoroughly. I was the odd person out. A non-quacking, non-bleating, non-parlor-game-playing party pooper.

In all honesty, I would much rather sit and stare at a blank wall than play a party game.

I guess this quirk, like most dysfunctions in a human being, is rooted in some childhood trauma or another. I wish I knew what. I tried going through the traumatic events that I remember almost drowning, being in a fast ferriswheel going downward with out holding, being the last kid eating lunch with classes already starting, and a few more.

But none seemed particularly related to social ineptitude.

Maybe it’s just me!

Yellow brick road.

I love reading fairy tales when I was a kid. I like the fact that these stories always end with " and they lived happily ever after." In fact, long after I had closed the book, the story would continue to haunt me and I would start creating my own story where I am the main character. I think my readings had encourages me to day dream, haha!

I particularly like Dorothy's adventure in Wizard of Oz. Her journey through the Emerald City where she followed the yellow brick road had lead to various events as she goes on her quest to find the Wizard. She met the Tin Man, the Lion and the Scarecrow, and while she encountered a lot of difficulties, she is able to overcome them with the help of her new found friends.

I feel that my journey through life is not unlike Dorothy’s journey. Each and every experience I have, became an ingredient in the recipe of my life. All my struggles, toils and hardships had formed me into who I am today. Everything I had been through, everything that life had thrown my way, are the things that make up what I am today, and these are the things that changed and developed as I walk down my yellow brick road.

In the same way, my whole existence is defined by people and things I have encountered or experienced. The places I’ve been to, the people I’ve met and even those friends I haven't met yet, but have continue to inspired me and made the journey worthwhile. I just wish I have also contributed to their life one way or the other.

Dorothy had it easy. She didn’t have to experience the sufferings and distress I have gone through. No flying monkeys or munchkins can compare to the torment I have endured. But while things seem to look bleak, there remain a flicker of light in my life. It is a light that, though small and vulnerable now, can grow to become as bright as the color of the road Dorothy took. At least, that's what I want to think.

As I continue on this journey through my yellow brick road, I would like to thank all of you who had traveled with me, you Sid, in particular. Thank you for sharing with me your life, your time , your treasures. My journey began when I was born and I intend to finish it, even if it will not end "happily ever after".

Please, stay with me as my journey continue...

Humming on my keypad.

I was sitting in my desk, tinkering on my PC when suddenly I heard a very familiar song. The music put a halt on what I was doing and I just sat here, listening to it. It’s an old song - Killing Me Softly, although sang by a male. Suddenly, I am embraced by a soothing, relaxing strains. Now, I'm humming, and the stress is easing, as I close my eyes and lay my head at the back of the chair.

Hmmmm! It's just what the doctor ordered.

Wow, another one! This time it’s Wild World by Cat Steven. See, hearing these old familiar songs does so much more than simply entertain me with rhythm and beat, but also magically elevates my spirit. I have been feeling depressed myself and I just felt invigorated just now, listening to it. I felt one again with the universe, haha!

Music is incredibly powerful in so many ways!.

They can tell stories of our lives and explain a lifetime in less than 3 minutes. It can change a mood in a matter of one minute, and it can bring us to far away places by just closing our eyes. Music can also bring me to tears in just a few beats and capture the heart and soul in a few seconds.

Why, it can even make me fall in love and it can break my heart.

How music can control me and give me a calming effect is something which I am not even conscious.

What does music do for you?

What Am I doing?

Ok folks, if you were thinking why I have not been blogging lately, it’s because I am again addicted to another game in FB – Mafia Wars. It was my boys who introduced this game to me, and when I finally got the hang of it, I just can’t stop. That, and farming!

This strategy game is fairly straightforward and is played in real time. Zynga, the creator of this game and Farmville had really caught my eyes not to mention a couple of hours of my time each day. The key to this game is having a powerful family – the bigger the better.

Now, that’s where my disadvantage lies because I have but a few member and when attacked by much bigger group, they could iced me and take my money as well. Of course I don’t want to be attacked and being beaten by other families!

So, if you find an invite from me, do accept it, even if you don’t intend to play the game, ok? I just want more gang members and I can arm you to the teeth so when we go to battle we cannot be over-powered by our opponent. Having a stronger mob can repel attack from others mafia and also help me take on more jobs to make extra money and create multiple income streams.

Are you ready to become a mobster? To join me, click here.

Xmas in September.

September ... and I can already see all the Christmas décor going up in malls. I don’t understand how mall people think that one “ber” month is just as good as another. Radio already started playing yuletide songs. Yes in this part of the world, Christmas starts early.

But it’s really hard to get into the Christmas spirit, what with all the pressure. There’s almost some sort of performance anxiety to be just in the right note of jolliness in this special season. I feel like I HAVE to be cheery and bubbly and merry and all those Christmassy emotion. It’s some weird invigorating thing as everything around me seemed so bright and joyful and yet my feelings just refuse to participate!

Do you also notice that the world’s suicide rate goes up around Christmas? Well, I am not surprised. Some experts say that it’s because of the loneliness factor that hits around this time. I think there is a lot of basis for that. But I guess the real reason people get lonelier around Christmas is because everybody pesters them to be happy!

Of course, it is certainly possible that some people just can’t stand all the expectations that surround Christmas. We think that during this time of the year, one has to feel peaceful and bathe in brotherly love towards all mankind. Oh, c’mon! Surely, only 0.05% of the world’s population actually feels this way during the 300 something other days of the year. For the rest of us, it’s an impossible emotional adjustment.

You remember that cheerful Xmas song “ Santa Claus is Coming to Town”? I think it has inflicted a lot more psychological damage than we realize. What kind of person would spy on us from the North Pole and keep track of when you’re sleeping and awake… and then reward us according to behavioral patterns? If any of us grew up paranoid, we got the guy in the red suit and beard to thank for.

Well, it's just September. I'm crossing my fingers that come December, things will turn to a festive mood and I will join the rest of humanity in celebrating Christmas with a bang.

Yay!

Life, imitating art.

There was one time, fairly recently, when I pretty much decided to just stay in bed for the rest of my life. Nothing seemed urgent enough for me to have to get up and dress for.

Thinking about it, this didn’t happen because nothing was urgent enough. No, quite the opposite, actually. I think too many things were too urgent so that my system just upped and decided to go AWOL. I know this is a bit weird, because I am just a lowly plant employee. It’s not like the fate of the Philippine economy depends on me or anything. I know there shouldn’t be that much pressure on me who’s main duty in life consists of formulating lubricants for diesel and gasoline engines.

And yet, there I was. And I think it’s not an experience unique to me. I admit to having thought that I am living life in anticipation of going from one heart-stopping moment to another. After about four decades of being here, I have realized that it generally doesn’t work that way.

I blame Hollywood for that expectation or my habit of watching a movie marathon on weekends. Why shouldn’t I, when in the span of a feature film, people are born and they die. They get married and have kids, get into gangs wars and in and out of jail. I’ve seen movies where, within the film, a whole novel is finished in two hours tops, while it takes me a day just to write a blog – and that’s when I’m on a roll!

So here I am now waiting for the big cheesy Hollywood moment.

The big drama.

The great bow with an auditorium full of people cheering me on, or at the very least, somebody looking adoringly at me for saving their lives. I sometimes wish I get theme music as I walk down the streets of Manila. And, why don’t I randomly run into some stranger with a striking resemblance to Hugh Jackman who’ll magically fall in love with me?

I don’t get the big moments often and maybe this makes me sometimes decide to stay in bed for the rest of my life.

Not healthy.

I know things don’t always follow Hollywood logic, although sometimes they strangely do, and I certainly don’t look like a Hollywood personality. I am aware though that every now and then my sense of reality should be screwed off, vacuumed, and screwed back on.

Stop laughing, will you?

Smorgasbord.

Every morning I check out the day's headline. There's never anything good. Nothing good, but nothing shocking either. After the death of MJ, very few things actually really get to me. Generally, the front page talks about some politician or another who is accused of being in a scam involving millions. The news is full of corruption stories as if these were actual news - or maybe, I have gotten use to it by now(Sigh!).

Last night I was watching a movie where soldiers and a whole lot of refugees had to flee Nigeria into Cameroon. They spent days crossing the jungle while being chased by brutal soldiers. Everywhere in the jungle was carnage. I was watching this with one gripping thought in my head. Where does everyone go to take crap?

When I was younger I did think that living in the woods would be exciting. Even the guerilla life seemed romantic. I'm sure, all those pictures of Che Guevarra didn't hurt that impression. Why, learning how to use firearms, survival techniques, camouflage and boots - they all lent a moth-to-the-lamp appeal! But the appeal is gone now. Sid had been telling me about his life in the jungle where the army pitch tents, and build fires to cook their food, peed on the bushes, that sort of thing. I was mortified.

Hmmm... I think I have a mild form of ADHD - Attention Deficit, Hyperactivity Disorder. It is very difficult for me to focus on things. For example, as I write this sentence, I am very much aware of the annoying tweeting of birds outside my window and the low hum of the fan. The bigger part of me is listening to these sounds and thinking of how to eradicate the birds (perhaps, using the fan).

Hey, did you notice how personal relationship have gotten more complicated? back then there were the following relationships: family, classmates, random acquaintances, peers, and couple hood. Now there are those, plus the potentially very complicated best friend of the opposite gender, text mates, chat mates, farm buddies, the person you kinda like, the person you go out with but not seriously, the person you go out with that's potentially serious... I know I'm missing something...

Yes, my mind is warped after the long weekend, yesterday was a holiday here, plus I don't have internet connection at the office. So imagine how frustrating this could be and how one's mind could go wacked when feeling isolated from the cyber world - it's smorgasboard all the way.