Thursday, January 17, 2013
An addict no more.
If I lived in the virtual world, did I live? In what world do I want to spend my life? Are experiences and memories from my virtual world contribute to my physical existence? Or are they just blank pages in my life, where I just sat in front of the computer and lost a bunch of time?
I cannot help asking that to myself as I sat here in front of my computer. You see, my loving husband is feeding me with my addiction. He gave me an iPod on my birthday, and bought me an iPad mini this Christmas. As if the time I spent playing Mafia Wars in the computer isn't enough to drive him nuts!
Sure now I can sit in the couch and watch tv with him, but as soon as the commercial comes up I slide my iPad's screen and update the news feed on Facebook, or play Bejewelled.
I admit that back in Manila I get completely sucked up by the internet. I meet so many friends online that I find it a joy talking to them through chat or messaging.
Then I started blogging.
And suddenly the joy of writing, the pleasure of discovering my own insights into life by looking at what I write fascinates me. I become like two persons - one is typing and the other is reading, and the reader is fascinated by what the writer is writing.
The weird thing is that I start to get my identity in the virtual world. I begin to gain my reputation there, and build relationships. My real world becomes gradually less interesting to me. Yes, I share my insights of the real world with the virtual world, but I'm just like an outsider looking in.
I become addicted to computer. I love the power that I have when I am "virtual". I love the ease it brings to my life so much that the real life becomes very difficult. (And it really was difficult for a single mother raising three boys) To me the real world is too physical, it's too primitive. There I was, living in a society that is a collection of all moods and choices. In the net I choose what to see, with whom to interact, whom to speak to, what to do, what to read. I have control over the world that I emerge myself in. Once unplugged I felt isolated, helpless, and I longed to go back in.
Coming here, I find stability. My husband is a very wonderful man who made life easier for me. If I am not working, I would kill time driving around with him in the countryside or tend to my plants or tinker around the house. I blog some of my adventures, but writing had just become a hobby and not a means to escape. I don't chat with online friends anymore, but I keep in touch with them once in a while to check how they are doing by sending them brief messages.
To me the internet has now become more of a lifestyle than an addiction. I use it to order things I can't buy in stores, arrange travel, get directions, and communicate with families all with a simple point and click.
This allows me to have more time for myself, more time for Ken, and more time to live my life.