Laughing the gloom away.

I absolutely love to laugh.

I love laughing till my sides hurt. I love laughing so hard I have tears coming out of my eyes. I love laughing so hard I have to hold my mouth to stop laughing. I love not being able to stop laughing.

It's amazing.

Oh yes, there were instances I have to laugh at myself. In fact, that may be the healthiest form of humor - to be able to laugh at oneself. I admit that many times I do ridiculous things that beg laughter and Ken is always sharp to point it out to me and we both end up laughing about it.

Laughter does indeed make me feel good, and with the prospect of a cold boring day, I believe it can actually be the key to avoiding the anxiety I may otherwise feel when life becomes a bit dull.

It does help a lot to be around Ken who is funny, and has a great sense of humor because he know how to reach a deep part of myself that is almost child-like. It seems each day a positive good feeling lingers and leaves a smile on my face.

It somehow leaves me wondering how he does it when he feels poorly because of the constant pain on his legs due to diabetic neuropathy. But of course, I am thankful that he often makes me laugh.

So YES, humor really matters. I may have taken it for granted, but while I am writing this, I realize that life would be almost impossible without it.

It is this indispensable feeling that helps us forget the reality of everyday problems.

My American Dream.

It has been exactly a year and a half since I arrived in this country I acknowledged as THE most powerful country in the world. So as I sat in front of the PC tonight I thought of putting down in words my opinion of what the "American Dream" means to me.

I have long heard from other Filipinos who chose to live here that the United States offers boundless possibilities and opportunities. That regardless of one's past and previous circumstances, people can achieve their dream if they put in hard work. The fact that this exists, give me something to aim and strive for.

My standard of the American Dream however may differ from what most native Americans perceived it to be. Judging from what I see and hear in the news everyday, it seems their dream has become solely a struggle for wealth and possession. They want the most stylish clothes, the newest car, the best technology, and any other possession you might consider trendy. Obviously, it costs a lot of money to live this lifestyle that it left them in deep debt and make them unhappy.

I had lived a simple life, and so I have but simple dreams - that I will be able to go about my business without being harassed, that I can save money for the rainy days, that I can walk down the street in relative safety. Yeah, pretty simplistic, you say?

Not, if you have lived in a third world country.

Having a loving and understanding partner is essential to attaining this dream. As the pure joy of this dream is in the journey itself and a strong hand to hold on to when I get to a bumpy road.

I suppose part of me also wants the big house, the money, the cars and maybe the fame but when it comes right down to it, the only thing that truly matters to me is my husband. That's why it scares me when he gets ill!

So, does the American Dream exist? Its all here and it is all accessible.

Ken's little annoyance.

Do you notice that nearly every conceivable situation carries with it the capacity to annoy?

I actually don't get annoyed very easily, but Ken has a short endurance to it. Maybe because he is in constant pain that any potential irritants can be be very annoying to him.

Talking to the phone annoys him, especially when it is an answering machine on the other end giving him instructions on what button to push to get to the utility department he need to get information from. It is doubly annoying to him to be put on hold because for 15 to 25 minutes he would blankly listen to dead air like some sort of simpleton. But nothing beats him for being annoyed when the person he was talking to, tell him she will call back but never did!

Then we end up calling an ambulance.

Wouldn't you be annoyed too when you finally get to the hospital and the first thing the doctor told you after examining your condition is that you may lose your leg? It is not only annoying but disturbing!

Then apologized for his wrong diagnosis - after two days. Annoying!!

My being too fussy on Ken at home also annoyed him. He said I treat him like a child. But how can I ignore the blood that continuously gush from his leg? I felt a relief when we finally went to see a doctor at the VA clinic - another source of agitation.

The doctor said Ken needed a vitamin K shot to thicken his blood. But guess what? They don't have it in the clinic so we were sent to urgent care at another hospital.

Darn, they call it urgent care when there is nothing urgent with how they do things there. First, it takes eon to finish the registration process. When we finally moved to another unit, the lady at the information told us that they have to bill Ken and not the VA despite Ken's telling her that it had been prearranged. She made us wait at the reception area while she stormed out to the registration. She came back apologetic saying she made a mistake. But she already annoyed Ken that he told me if they don't tend to him in 10 minutes he is walking out of there.

When we were called to enter the examining room, the doctor who saw us have no idea why he should give Ken vitamin K shot. He had to ask him questions about his medical history, and he has a loooong one that at some point it become exasperating to him. When he left the room we have to wait again while they confered with staff from the VA clinic. Annoying!

Today, Ken's foot is healing well. His temper? Well...

In support of a friend.

Are you guilty of passing judgement on someone?

I am.

I think it is human nature and a trait that can cause a lot of harm if we are not careful of how we judge. We all judge on a daily basis, sometimes unintentionally but nevertheless we judge.

As I look closely into myself, I realized I am guilty every day of passing some type of opinion on someone. And it can be a dangerous tool that I possess if my judging opinions are passed on to others, because judging can destroy other people's character and in the process I may hurt people that I don't even know.

Today I got a call from a friend that some people had been talking ill behind her back. I know her and it peeved me that people would say things by just looking at her photos without even knowing the story behind those pictures.

Life as we all know it, is a highly personal experience. We do not know the depth of an individual. We do not know their feelings, their thoughts, perceptions, and the internal conflict that they face on a daily basis. Their experiences are solely their own, and no one can judge their walk of life.

We are a species with an array of personality types. We are all individuals who have endured unique experiences and have overcome different life challenges. If we have never been faced with a similar circumstance or situation, then how are we to criticize another person's action and reaction to life?

I told her, as I would do in a given circumstance to just ignore those nasty comments. She should not give them a position to impose themselves on her especially if they are being rude or arrogant because they think they are better.

Have I been unfairly judged before? Many times. Thus, I know how it felt to be on the receiving end.

And I do not like it one bit.