A reason for coffee.

Its Monday, but I am not in a hurry to go anywhere. I stayed in bed feeling the soft mattress on my back and stared at the empty ceiling. I know my brain craves for caffeine, but I am yet too lazy to get up. My mind drifted to the movie I watched last night - Apocalypto.

There is a scene of cannibalism in the movie...
Hmmm, humans have come a long way, evolving from man-eaters to man-lovers, and I feel like a lower life-form because I can neither eat nor love any man. Ha ha, just kidding on the love part. But can't we just split firewood, make furniture and harvest grains?

The movie directed by Mel Gibson also show lush virgin forest.
Oh yeah, I wish there will be forest left in my country.
However contrary to the idea of tree huggers who can't see through the bark, the Philippine government is the most successful eco - group. Yes the are! They give away permits for logging, mining, plus the operation of coal-fired power plants is part of the plan.

Here's how the plan works: logging, mining and power-plant operation make some people rich; rich people think they should be at golf courses; golf courses have trees and greens and emission-free golf carts. Clean and green indeed...

The movie is action packed.There's the tribes war..damn its too gory to watch, with all those blood splattered on the screen...
I remember someone once says "Everlasting peace is a dream, and not even a pleasant one. War is a necessary part of God's order."

Probably the same reason why the military wants all able-bodied male in college to undergo compulsory ROTC training. However, letting cadets march in formation for five hours, carrying wooden rifles, only prepares them for the kind of war fought ages ago. I suggest that Counterstrike be included in the high school curriculum and 12 units of Airsoft adventures be required for a baccalaureate degree.

Damn, I do need to get my caffeine before my mind gets haywire.

Get up, and dash!

A blast from the past.

What? vinyl is still alive?

For those who are having senior moments and can’t remember them, or those who are having junior moments and haven’t heard of them, vinyl is the thing you spin on a turntable, a needle running through its grooves, producing the scratchy sound you hear in loudspeakers. Its last incarnation was the LP, or long playing record, which contained about a dozen songs in them, six to a side. I guess, that's where "flipside" originates.

I have read on the Internet that some labels in the United States and Europe have resumed producing vinyl records for new artists, though they’re a lot pricier now than they once were. The keeping of vinyl alive has a completely practical value. Which is that vinyl is superior in sound to the CD. That is at least the consensus among experts.

It’s nice to know that not all that is new represents an improvement on the old. I am not averse to change and newness. I certainly prefer the PC to the typewriter, manual or electric. But it’s nice to know that analog still has its virtues, or indeed its superiorities.

Using vinyl entails (re)entering a fairly unhurried world, where you invest some time listening to music, treating it as a real object of attention rather than collateral sound. But as always, there is a rub to it.

To play vinyl, you have to physically raise the lid of the turntable, slip the record into place, carefully lift the tone arm and lower the needle down to the edge of the spinning disc. At the end of five or six songs, you have to stand up, a not very easy thing to do if you’re plunked down on the sofa, tiredness beginning to ooze off you like the ebbing of the tide, to flip the disc over. And you can’t skip a song, unless you’re prepared to stand up before the whole side is done. There’s no “Next” on the player, or on the ultimate source of household wars, the remote control, to get past the unwanted track.

But vinyl has no end of joys to reward those willing to be initiated into its world. At the very least, it doesn’t give you a sense of life flitting by.
Looking back, the reason the old songs seem so memorable to us, quite apart from the mnemonic powers of nostalgia, was that we couldn’t just click the annoying tracks away, unless you were willing to go through the motions described above.

Listening to vinyl is not unlike preparing tea Zen-style. It is a ritual all its own.

Americans are going hungry - too.

”The young man, wearing a shirt and a tie, turned up just as the pantry operated by an Iowa food bank was closing for the night. He knew it was after-hours. That’s why he was there. He kept his gaze downward as he told the woman from the food bank that he had lost his job, had a wife and kids and was too embarrassed and ashamed to stand in line to receive a bag of groceries that hopefully would feed his family for a week. “I have a master’s degree. I shouldn’t have to do this, he said.”

That’s the stark reality that America is facing today, as more and more new faces were standing in line in food banks. Some of them, not looking anyone else in the eye, hoping not to be recognized by friends or neighbors.

The bitter irony for some of them was that, once, they had contributed to their local food bank. Now its them who needed its help.

Sure, these people do not fit the stereotype of those who would likely come to a pantry, a shelter or a kitchen. But a lost job, an unexpected medical expense, a utility bill or difficulty paying the rent or mortgage - especially during this period of high food prices can push people into that line.

Right now, an estimated 36.2 million people struggled with some form of hunger in the US alone or, to use the government term, “food insecurity.”

We always viewed Americans to be self sufficient. But now more and more people with jobs, with educations, but with diminished opportunities, resources and hope – were struggling.

Many of them never thought in their life that they have to come to a food pantry. Yet sadly the line grows steadily each day.

Guys, if its any consolation to you, we also have so many hungry people here. But in contrast, we don’t have a food bank. We don’t have a pantry to run to. We are left to fend for ourselves.

That, is even more pitiful.

Over forty and loving it.

I am over 40 and I'm on top of the hill! But wait, will it be downhill from here on?

Oh, the ride up the hill included more that 18 years of formal education, innumerable physical, emotional and intellectual growing pains. I have my first kiss, first date, first love, first pimple, first rejection letter, first break-up, and first failure, not necessarily in that order.

While many of these firsts are memorable and endearingly sweet, for the most part my firsts are what give me a taste of something. From there, I decide if I want to continue or move on to the next first. I know that to really enjoy and master something it will require time and multiple attempts at it. I'm grateful that not all of my dates turned out like the first and that after the first break-up I didn't just give up on love.

Now that I'm here, I guess it doesn't matter how I got here. I'm glad I'm beginning to let go of the pressures. I'm pleased that I got to live in the simpler times when I was a kid. But I'm also thrilled to arrive in the new millennium. To have grown as an adult into all the new technologies of today. The amazing new developments which improve exponentially.

Yes, the world has become more virtual, as I stay in constant contact with people through the World-Wide-Web, no matter where I live. This makes me feel less isolated, even if I choose to stay home and raise a family. I have more rights and privileges too, which is a wonderful thing.

But don't get the idea that I jump from my bed each morning and do fifty push-ups. I have aches and pains that come with age. But I don't examine my face for new wrinkles or count the new gray hairs.

The world is still the same, I work, eat, play and sleep. I just know myself better and I am way more tolerant. Being over forty, I now have this deep sense of who I am and what I want from life.

Now if I could just find where it is...

Love and sex in cyberspace.

The question on whether it can be called cheating for a married person to enjoy online relationships with people other than their partners has been tossed around the internet airwaves nearly every day.

Some would argue, that one crosses the line the moment one begin sneaking around to share intimate thoughts with someone other than their partner. In cybersex you have secrecy - intimacy and sex are all the same elements as an affair.

Most of these relationships grew organically, sprouting from the seeds of mutual fascination, sexual curiosity, and palpable attraction to the way that person made one feel about oneself.

Of course some would say that they didn’t embark on these journeys with the intent to meet and marry their next man or woman.
So what then is the destination of adult men and women when they jump on this train to tryst town? Just where do they expect to get off?

Interestingly though most online friends I know don’t realistically aspire to meet their online lovers in real life, given the myriad constraints that exist. This is especially true of those who foster flames from afar.

The only explanation they can give is that, they want to find someone they will never physically feel, love online partners they will never pursue, and make virtual marriages they will never consummate.

It’s just that the adventure in itself feels so damn good. Maybe because they all know in the backs of their minds that these relationships rarely have a chance at surviving beyond a certain point.

But I argue, it’s not their survival they strive for. It’s just the joyous journey that they seek. And, when that trip is over, they will be first in line to take the next tour.

A necessary twist to an old story.

With the economic difficulties we all face right now, I'm guessing there are a lot more nervous, stressed out parents out there than there were last year. As I post this, many could already be unemployed. And maybe like me, they also worry that they may not be able to send their kids to college.

Yet some may still be wondering whether they are getting the axe before Christmas or after it. All I am certain is that there’s a lot of fear out there. And scared parents mean scared kids.

This, I think, is inevitable even if you are the best parent on the planet - and most of us aren’t. I too grew up in a household where the economic cycles undermined our stability and where my father’s actions and mood were dictated by our economic situation. I therefore, have a good memory of how hard this can be on children. And I want nothing but to isolate my kids from all these.

However, this is easier said than done, of course, since I’m just as prone (maybe more, as i am a single parent) to becoming grumpy and irritable when I’m worried as anyone else.

But, should my kids know about this bad stuff? Should I let them know about the darker scenario ahead of us? Is it necessary that they understand that we’re spending less money on the holidays, and that we might be facing hard times that will last a while?

Economics notwithstanding, I cannot tell my kids to eat less, dream less, want less. As a mother I know in a way that I help create my children's expectations - expectations that I will no longer be able to fulfill.

I plead guilty of telling them that a normal existence means new clothes every Christmas and birthdays, a cell phone, shopping as a hobby, buying what you want at the grocery store. But now, I'm going to need not just to tell them that those things have to shift, but to work on making sure that they understand that these shifts aren’t necessarily bad.

My kids live by the stories they were told. Yeah sure, they have learned that affluence is incredibly important, that their future was about money, and that security comes in the form of wealth. I can’t prevent them from all the hardships that are probably coming their way, but what I can do is shift the stories they learn - they should learn that being poor is normal, and that it doesn’t have to prevent people from being happy.

They can learn that their family unit, extended or nuclear is working together in the face of difficulties. That they should understand that their participation in this project is part of what is holding our family together and to enable them to keep going.

I hope they can draw strength and pride from these experiences, from their sacrifices and their participation, even if they are scared and angry, even if they are sometimes.

But I know I have to start telling them different story. I am thinking up new roles for my kids right now, or the old ones will drag them down.

A masquerade.

How do you keep real love alive with the onset of the virtual stage?
Yesterday, I read an article of yet another woman who had decided to dissolve her real life marriage in pursuit of the promise of illusive paradise she feels she’ll find with her online lover.

So what’s the big deal, you say? Why can’t she toss out the old and trade it in for a newer model if she’s convinced it will bring joy to her real life?

Well, I certainly wouldn’t want to deny anyone the opportunity to pursue happiness. But I do have trouble reconciling the knowledge that, when we meet someone in the net, we are only exposed to the person they choose to share with us at any given moment. It’s like he or she wears a metaphoric mask to hide characteristics he or she desires to keep hidden.

We don’t realize this because perhaps subconsciously, we all too often fill in the gaps with images of a lover we project onto them. In essence, we mistake the idea of our lover for the real person themselves and become captivated by this new hybrid of who they are and who we want them to be.

Sadly, many of these married people who pursue cyber relationships are merely groping for a happiness that does not exist in their real life marriages.
And their real life partner has no chance in this unfair fight, since she live with him day in and out. She experience first hand the good and bad attributes that her partner exude every day. From farts and fevers to pimples and sagging belly, their real life partners are just that - real. Complete with unsavory idiosyncrasies and all.

If only she would just at least construct a foundation of a life with her real life partner, and do it with the full knowledge that the grass, however green, will not always be a bed of roses...