Autumnal display.

It's amazing how we had a very nice weather all week. Above 80 degrees in all seven days.

Yipee!

Yes, I'm jubilant because we rarely get this type of weather since September. But that doesn't keep my nervous twitch out because I know that this unusual nice weather is often followed by incredibly disgusting cold especially during this last quarter of the year.

Anyway, with sunshine blaring out its one last long cord before retreating to the trickle of winter, Ken decided we go to the Amish county to check out some furniture we could use in our living room. Sadly, when we got there there no were no one to see us because they have a funeral.

So, with so much time to kill and with no back up plan of the unforeseen snag , Ken decided to show me again the postcard-perfect autumnal color.

He drove towards Winona coasting along the Mississippi river.

It was breathtaking.

From inside the car, I have the view of the calm river to my right and the golden light pouring through the trees along the mountain to my left. I sat quietly while I marvel at the rich interplay of solemn browns, and brash yellow, the dash of crimson against the broad strokes of green. It stretches on and on from Winona to Wabasha to Lake City.

I couldn't help thinking how blessed I am to see this wonderful display of nature. There is nothing like this back in my country and I wish folks back home could see what i am seeing right now. This!

I silently thank Ken for such thoughtfulness knowing fully well that such a long drive will put a toll on his feet.

And indeed, he felt throbbing pain on his leg on our way back...

Hot iron gone cold.

Early in life I have learned that washing and ironing one's own clothes is a part of life, the way brushing one's teeth is. I was taught early on that knowing how to iron clothes is a life skill and if nothing else, a necessity. We Filipinos take pride in our clean and well put appearance.

In fact, we wouldn't be caught wearing a wrinkled clothing even inside our homes.

So, imagine my surprise when I see household here in the US without an iron or ironing board in their homes. Most Americans wear creased clothing that is in dire need of ironing and yet no one give a hoot about it.

Wait, that's jumping forward.

Going back, I didn't actually get into ironing clothes when my boys were still growing up. We have a housemaid who do that for us. But when money become tight, and letting go of the house help seemed practical, I have to learn how to iron our own clothes.

Oh yes, it's a relief that irons have come a long way since the heavy cast iron monstrosities of days gone by. The one we use back in the province used charcoals to heat it. Thanks God, today we have electric irons that are time saving devices and also save me lot of effort. No wonder I find ironing very pleasant and I do it every Sunday morning after I am done with my house cleaning chores.

Yes, I like ironing. So lower you brows...please!

You see, ironing allows me time for reflection. It' is so easy to let my mind wander as I continue to work my way through the ironing pile. The simple rhythm and the soothing music relaxes me. Sundays is the best day because radio stations play old songs which really sets me in the mood.

BUT, living here in the US changed all that. It seems ironing is a task many Americans shy away from. People here go to church as if they are simply going to the supermarket. They wear shirts pulled out straight from the washing machines. Some don't even bother folding washed clothes but instead just throw them in piles on a bed.

I understand though why ironing is the last thing people here want to do after a long week of work. They have more pressing things to do on weekends like going fishing, or having a picnic, watch football games or go shopping than worry about such mundane things as ironing. Besides, everyone wears wrinkled clothes, so who cares?

So, I really don't know if I should be hopeful or scared with the thought that advancements in technology may further change the way we iron our clothes.

Maybe electric irons will become an ancient relic that we can admire and tell future children, "When I was your age..."

Laughing the gloom away.

I absolutely love to laugh.

I love laughing till my sides hurt. I love laughing so hard I have tears coming out of my eyes. I love laughing so hard I have to hold my mouth to stop laughing. I love not being able to stop laughing.

It's amazing.

Oh yes, there were instances I have to laugh at myself. In fact, that may be the healthiest form of humor - to be able to laugh at oneself. I admit that many times I do ridiculous things that beg laughter and Ken is always sharp to point it out to me and we both end up laughing about it.

Laughter does indeed make me feel good, and with the prospect of a cold boring day, I believe it can actually be the key to avoiding the anxiety I may otherwise feel when life becomes a bit dull.

It does help a lot to be around Ken who is funny, and has a great sense of humor because he know how to reach a deep part of myself that is almost child-like. It seems each day a positive good feeling lingers and leaves a smile on my face.

It somehow leaves me wondering how he does it when he feels poorly because of the constant pain on his legs due to diabetic neuropathy. But of course, I am thankful that he often makes me laugh.

So YES, humor really matters. I may have taken it for granted, but while I am writing this, I realize that life would be almost impossible without it.

It is this indispensable feeling that helps us forget the reality of everyday problems.

My American Dream.

It has been exactly a year and a half since I arrived in this country I acknowledged as THE most powerful country in the world. So as I sat in front of the PC tonight I thought of putting down in words my opinion of what the "American Dream" means to me.

I have long heard from other Filipinos who chose to live here that the United States offers boundless possibilities and opportunities. That regardless of one's past and previous circumstances, people can achieve their dream if they put in hard work. The fact that this exists, give me something to aim and strive for.

My standard of the American Dream however may differ from what most native Americans perceived it to be. Judging from what I see and hear in the news everyday, it seems their dream has become solely a struggle for wealth and possession. They want the most stylish clothes, the newest car, the best technology, and any other possession you might consider trendy. Obviously, it costs a lot of money to live this lifestyle that it left them in deep debt and make them unhappy.

I had lived a simple life, and so I have but simple dreams - that I will be able to go about my business without being harassed, that I can save money for the rainy days, that I can walk down the street in relative safety. Yeah, pretty simplistic, you say?

Not, if you have lived in a third world country.

Having a loving and understanding partner is essential to attaining this dream. As the pure joy of this dream is in the journey itself and a strong hand to hold on to when I get to a bumpy road.

I suppose part of me also wants the big house, the money, the cars and maybe the fame but when it comes right down to it, the only thing that truly matters to me is my husband. That's why it scares me when he gets ill!

So, does the American Dream exist? Its all here and it is all accessible.

Ken's little annoyance.

Do you notice that nearly every conceivable situation carries with it the capacity to annoy?

I actually don't get annoyed very easily, but Ken has a short endurance to it. Maybe because he is in constant pain that any potential irritants can be be very annoying to him.

Talking to the phone annoys him, especially when it is an answering machine on the other end giving him instructions on what button to push to get to the utility department he need to get information from. It is doubly annoying to him to be put on hold because for 15 to 25 minutes he would blankly listen to dead air like some sort of simpleton. But nothing beats him for being annoyed when the person he was talking to, tell him she will call back but never did!

Then we end up calling an ambulance.

Wouldn't you be annoyed too when you finally get to the hospital and the first thing the doctor told you after examining your condition is that you may lose your leg? It is not only annoying but disturbing!

Then apologized for his wrong diagnosis - after two days. Annoying!!

My being too fussy on Ken at home also annoyed him. He said I treat him like a child. But how can I ignore the blood that continuously gush from his leg? I felt a relief when we finally went to see a doctor at the VA clinic - another source of agitation.

The doctor said Ken needed a vitamin K shot to thicken his blood. But guess what? They don't have it in the clinic so we were sent to urgent care at another hospital.

Darn, they call it urgent care when there is nothing urgent with how they do things there. First, it takes eon to finish the registration process. When we finally moved to another unit, the lady at the information told us that they have to bill Ken and not the VA despite Ken's telling her that it had been prearranged. She made us wait at the reception area while she stormed out to the registration. She came back apologetic saying she made a mistake. But she already annoyed Ken that he told me if they don't tend to him in 10 minutes he is walking out of there.

When we were called to enter the examining room, the doctor who saw us have no idea why he should give Ken vitamin K shot. He had to ask him questions about his medical history, and he has a loooong one that at some point it become exasperating to him. When he left the room we have to wait again while they confered with staff from the VA clinic. Annoying!

Today, Ken's foot is healing well. His temper? Well...

In support of a friend.

Are you guilty of passing judgement on someone?

I am.

I think it is human nature and a trait that can cause a lot of harm if we are not careful of how we judge. We all judge on a daily basis, sometimes unintentionally but nevertheless we judge.

As I look closely into myself, I realized I am guilty every day of passing some type of opinion on someone. And it can be a dangerous tool that I possess if my judging opinions are passed on to others, because judging can destroy other people's character and in the process I may hurt people that I don't even know.

Today I got a call from a friend that some people had been talking ill behind her back. I know her and it peeved me that people would say things by just looking at her photos without even knowing the story behind those pictures.

Life as we all know it, is a highly personal experience. We do not know the depth of an individual. We do not know their feelings, their thoughts, perceptions, and the internal conflict that they face on a daily basis. Their experiences are solely their own, and no one can judge their walk of life.

We are a species with an array of personality types. We are all individuals who have endured unique experiences and have overcome different life challenges. If we have never been faced with a similar circumstance or situation, then how are we to criticize another person's action and reaction to life?

I told her, as I would do in a given circumstance to just ignore those nasty comments. She should not give them a position to impose themselves on her especially if they are being rude or arrogant because they think they are better.

Have I been unfairly judged before? Many times. Thus, I know how it felt to be on the receiving end.

And I do not like it one bit.

Moving forward.

I believe that all of us are the product of our life's experiences. We are the character that has made us. We are what our childhood forced us to be. We are what our teenage experiences convinced us to be and we are what our adult life allowed us to be.

I don't mind what other people say about my life because only I own my life.

At the same breath, my life is always moving forward. We are always moving forward in life whether we acknowledge it or not. This is one constant that will never change.

And all is perfectly unfolding, and taking place in the right time, and in the right place.

I had chosen to move along with life even if in doing so I would hurt and disappoint some people. My decision had altered theirs, and it left a bad taste in their mouth. But sometime I have to set out my pursuit of something which never really was my objective to begin with. It so happen that half way down the road, opportunity present itself.

This is my one shot at life and I grabbed it.

I owe some people a lot of gratitude for the support they have given me in the past and I own that indebtedness. It is very sad that they do not understand the choice I had made even if it doesn't directly affect their life situation right now.

I cannot give up and spend the rest of my life grumbling about missed opportunities. Besides this is my life and I have to take charge and set out to achieve what will make me happy. The choice is all mine. I have no control over the past, but I still have the freedom to make choices for the future. I cannot wait for things to change on their own. I have to move them if I have to.

I regret having hurt the very people who I thought would be happy to see my life turn to the better. I hope they see my point of view. But I cannot dwell on negativity. Life is way too short to keep going down a negative road to nowhere.

If I fast forward to the last day of my life and I am in the last moments here on Earth and remember all the times I could have pursued an opportunity and chose not to for one reason or another. How would that make me feel?

Pretty rotten, huh?

Regret is the pain of realizing we could have done something and chose not to. There is no pain greater than the pain of regret.

PS:
Oh, just to make things clear, I did not have a baby or adopted one. This is just a photo taken last Sunday during Denica's christening ceremony.