A View From Above

Reminiscing.

2012-01-21T09:31:00.000-08:00

Ken brought home a box last week which her mom had set aside for him. He told me each kid had one.

Ken call it a Pandora's box. I call it a treasure box.

As I sort through the contents of the box, I was struck at how much information it gave me about my husband's past and what influenced or formed him who he is today.

Inside the box is his baby book, his "first" achievement records( first word, first solid food, first ride, first toy, etc.), his school notes and drawings, old pictures, and a lot more... its like a window into his past. A window into the spirit of his childhood. There are so much memories inside that box that are captured forever in pictures and scribbled notes.

But they don’t end there. Her mom had wonderfully chronicled Ken's achievements from toddler to young adulthood that we can both looked fondly back. There was an honorable and dignified shot of Ken receiving his first communion, the time he was an altar boy, when he was drafted to the army, and many more that elicit smile even from him as he looked through them.

There’s indeed something about memories that stirs and inspires the soul. I am sure glad that my mother-in-law take special effort to keep all these memorabilia of her seven kids as they are the most accessible and detailed physical forms of memories. It makes for easy reminiscing if one is in the mood. It may be bittersweet to gaze back at the past, as they have the power to conjure up memories. Sometimes painful, but it can be a joyful activity too. The box was filled with faces and places of times long gone.

If a picture is worth a thousand words, then that box is worth a dictionary.

Ken just lost his mom. She may not be beside us again, but what she left us can help us at least momentarily feel close to her again. Not to mention that as mortals ourselves, we hope that our loved ones will look back at pictures of us with the same fondness after we pass on from this life.

Thank you Joan for this wonderful gift. You will always be remembered.

Another funeral.

2012-01-19T17:20:00.000-08:00

Today we buried Joan Roger Mikolai.

It was also her birthday.

She was 83 years old.

My mother-in-law died last Saturday. It was unfortunate that I did not get to know her well but from what I heard from people at the church, I knew that her life was rich, strong, and full of spirit and love.

The service was simple with her family and friends gathered round.

Help!

2011-12-13T19:37:00.000-08:00

Our lovely Ford truck, perfect in every way, had a flat tire in Interstate 35 yesterday on our way to the hospital in Minneapolis.

Ken had to very slowly maneuver his truck to the emergency lane, away from the ongoing traffic and park there to wait for help to come.

At first I wasn't worried because Ken is mechanically minded - till I realized that he wears a pacemaker. Oh uh.

I am sure you too are aware that car manufacturers of today uses air tools to tighten the lugs on a wheel, which make them near impossible to remove with a simple lug wretch provided with the car jack. The tight lug bolts provide a safety factor, but has made it almost impossible for someone to change his or her own tire. Especially someone with a pacemaker.

Interestingly, in a matter of seconds a highway patrol eases behind us to check on us and offer help. He said he can call a back-up that would replace the tire. By this time though, Ken is already on the phone talking to a Ford representative asking for roadside assistance. We gave them our location and within 20 minutes a truck turns up with a friendly mechanic driving it. He inspects the tire, open the back seat of our car to get the jack, remove the spare tire from the back of the truck, replaced the busted one and had Ken sign the service form and off we go.

The whole process only took about 15 minutes. We did not even leave our seats the whole time and we did not pay a thing!

This really amazes me because we don't have such road side services in the Philippines. If your car breaks down, or have a flat tire, or anything goes wrong, you can't expect that help will be on its way in a matter of minutes. Unless you call a relative or a friend. What will appear is the towing service who will ripped you off with exorbitant fee so you can get your car from their impounding area and then you can bring it to the mechanic.

So while we are speeding toward Faribault City, I was thinking, I would add this to the list of things I love about living in the US. In this day and age when I may encounter danger on this country's highways and biways, having the assurance that help is on the way in a matter of minutes is indeed very comforting.

Let's admit it. A car is a machine. This means, no matter how new and sophisticated it is, or how well maintained it is, there is always a chance of something going wrong with it.

Thank you America/Ford for the roadside assistance.

Finally got my license.

2011-12-11T16:46:00.000-08:00

I drive to our local supermarket today - by myself!

Yes, I passed my road test last week on my first try. Woot, woot!

I never really pictured myself driving a car because just the thought of it scared me. I just couldn't do it. I was too nervous. I thought at my age, ha, ha, I was just too old to catch on.

But I live in a city that has no public transport, hence getting a driver's license is a must-have otherwise, I won't be able to go anywhere without asking someone to drive for me.

Yes, I knew the time had come and I was determined to pass the test; I just had no idea how I would do it.

Fortunately, Wells is a wonderful place to learn to drive with wide road and countrysides. Besides, I have Ken who is a very good teacher. I feel comfortable to make mistakes because I know he will not bite my head off if I do something ridiculous like reverse into a lamp post.

It was Dec. 2, a Friday when I took the test. When I got my schedule I was a little apprehensive because I know that it normally snow during this month. But on that particular day, the sun was bright and the sky clear. And snow had not fallen in this part of the state yet.

I practiced for weeks prior to my schedule. I am aware that i'll be tested for my basic skills of the road. So I was very mindful of fully stopping at the stop sign and also signaling properly before leaving and re-entering the parking lot. I also practiced to parallel park, and to do a three point turn. I made sure I practiced these two maneuvers the most days before my road test.

It paid off, because I managed to ace them both.

I could say that my road test was a very pleasant experience. The instructor was very nice and he made me feel at ease. I was calm, but alert. If I was nervous, I know I will be bound to make a mistake. But because I was relaxed, I allow things to just happen. I listened to my instructor, signalling when he asked me to turn left or right, stopped at stop signs, parked when he asked me to, and did the maneuvers.

When I eased my car at the parking lot, he said: "you did very well, you passed the test!"

I was so happy but only muttered a simple "thank you".

The next day, we had snow. Flakes would be the wrong word because, within minutes, the snow blanketed our entire neighborhood in a layer of white. Had it occurred yesterday it would be difficult to see where the lines of the road marked the two lanes and to think that I haven't driven in a snow laden road.

Phew!

Not a very Black Friday.

2011-11-27T14:47:00.000-08:00

I did expect that last Friday the shopping malls will be filled with shoppers who are trying to find great bargains. That people will fill up the highways, the parking lots and the check out lines. People who will fight over specific sale items just to get one. People who will push and shove others to be first in line. People who will trample others just trying to get into stores.

But to my surprise, the stores I went to don't have much shoppers. Or maybe because I got to the stores late in the afternoon when all those door busters prices they are offering are almost over. I was very glad though that those great deals I saw in newspapers ads were still available and I don't have to wake up early or stand in line to get them. Exciting!

I actually don't have a list of things to buy because Ken and I did our big shopping two days ago. We bought new appliances for our kitchen - refrigerator, gas stove and micro wave oven. We are also going to change our cabinet doors and kitchen counter to give our kitchen a total facelift.

But just the same, it is still a thrill to scour the aisle for cheap stuff and hunt for bargains.

So, would I go shopping again on Black Friday next year?

Hell, yes!

Another Thanksgiving day.

2011-11-23T18:46:00.000-08:00

What are the things I am thankful for?

Hmmmm...

For such a simple question, the answer is many, simple and other times, complicated.

The first thing that would come to my mind is the love of Jesus. I have seen how His love work miracles in my life and I am grateful for that. He has been a source of constant strength for me.

I am also thankful for my family. Good or bad, my family helps to keep me centered. They help me remember who I am, and who I want to be. My family and I have been through some hard times. Like most other families, we also sometime don't always see eye to eye, but at the end of the day, we are there for each other. In there own special way, every single person in my family has been instrumental in shaping me into the person I am today and I thank them for that.

I am thankful for the times that I have been through and conquered, because they have made me into a stronger person. My life has been a long journey and along the way I have faced obstacles, road blocks and forks in the road that I have dealt with and I have learned from those choices I have made.

I am thankful for my health and the health of those who mean so much to me. I am most grateful for and most blessed by Ken with whom I share my love and laughter. A husband and friend who in his fierce loyalty and supportive love have always kept my heart full of joy and warmth.

So, no matter how dim or dull my surrounding seem right now because of the winter season, I have so much to be thankful for. All I have to do is look at what is right in front of me - Ken enjoying his bowl of popcorn!

Happy Thanksgiving Day, everyone.

No secrets.

2011-10-24T12:26:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I have signed the offer letter last week. Yehey!

But with it, is also a consent form allowing the company to do background check on me. So basically, by signing the consent form, I also authorized my new employer to have access to my entire past.

This is new to me, because in my experience in hiring people I only counted on my gut instincts to hire new employees.

No background check being conducted.

But looking back with the problems I have with some of the sales personnels I hired, maybe I should have done this. However, it's not a common practice in the Philippines. And it cost money especially if you hire a third party to do it.

From what I have learned, here in the US, background check can be incredibly extensive and can go far beyond what any employer would reasonably need to know before hiring someone.

While I have nothing to hide, I am still a little apprehensive for any unpleasant surprises that may come up. This type of investigation does not simply confirms that I have no criminal record, but it could be much more than that. They can check up on anything from credit history, to books I read, to my relationship with my neighbors.

Or is that too extreme?

Anyway, I don't mind them checking on my employment history, because I know they just want to make sure that my job history in the resume I submitted is accurate and that I held the positions I stated I held.

Let's wait and see.

A very fruitful week.

2011-10-16T18:39:00.000-07:00

Does anyone like job interviews? I don't.

I have been an interviewee in my long career, and I think I would never be completely comfortable sitting on the other side of the table. I see how people squirm in their seats, stutter and fumble while groping for answers to the questions. But living in a foreign country and knowing I need a job to survive, I know I will be subjected to this ritual whether I like it or not.

Two Fridays ago, I walked in at a manufacturing plant to ask if they are accepting job applicants. I was given an application form which I filled out. I don't know what position is open so I simply say " production related work". I also left the salary space blank, for the same reason.

An hour after I got home, the phone rang and it was the HR personnel of the company. She asked if I could come on Tuesday for an interview. I didn't expect a response so soon, so I frantically drafted a resume and search about the company in the net. The more I learned about the company the more excited I became because I realized this is where I will be most comfortable. It is a food manufacturing plant and it is considered among the leader in the global food industry. And wonderfully enough, the company is looking for a lead supervisor in one of their production line.

But the days and hour leading to the interview can be very stressful because I fear of not answering a question quite right. So I prepared for it.

I wrote down what I think would be a job description of the position I am applying for. I reflected on my experiences and how they match up with the job description. I wrote down what skills I have that made me qualified for the position. I also jotted down personal qualities that will make me stand out in the position. I even considered a trait I have that may be a drawback in the position and how I had improved on this area.

Tuesday morning I was ready.

Resume, check.

Attire, check.

Confidence, check.

WHAT?!! There is a test? A math test and it is timed? There's problem solving here, lady! And I cannot proceed to the interview if I can not pass this??!

Darn.

Anyway, I passed the test. The interview took 2 hours because there were three managers who interviewed me separately. Ken could not believe I spent two hours inside the building because he said he saw about 5 Mexicans went in and out of the building in less than 5 minutes each.

The following day, the same HR personnel called me to asked if I could come on Friday for another interview with the plant manager. Now, this certainly gave me a good indication that I will probably land a job there.

So off I went again last Friday for another interview. It was the most pleasant interview I had. My experience with the first interview had given me a clear understanding on how to answer a potential question because when I look back at it, I wished I had answered some questions differently.

I left the office feeling fairly optimistic.

Today, I got another call.

The HR personnel asked me to come to the office to sign their offer sheet. NICE!

Autumnal display.

2011-10-09T10:36:00.000-07:00

It's amazing how we had a very nice weather all week. Above 80 degrees in all seven days.

Yipee!

Yes, I'm jubilant because we rarely get this type of weather since September. But that doesn't keep my nervous twitch out because I know that this unusual nice weather is often followed by incredibly disgusting cold especially during this last quarter of the year.

Anyway, with sunshine blaring out its one last long cord before retreating to the trickle of winter, Ken decided we go to the Amish county to check out some furniture we could use in our living room. Sadly, when we got there there are no one to see us because they have a funeral.

So, with so much time to kill and with no back up plan of the unforeseen snag , Ken decided to show me again the postcard-perfect autumnal color.

He drove towards Winona coasting along the Mississippi river.

It was breathtaking.

From inside the car, I have the view of the calm river to my right and the golden light pouring through the trees along the mountain to my left. I sat quietly while I marvel at the rich interplay of solemn browns, and brash yellow, the dash of crimson against the broad strokes of green. It stretches on and on from Winona to Wabasha to Lake City.

I couldn't help thinking how blessed I am to see this wonderful display of nature. There is nothing like this back in my country and I wish folks back home could see what i am seeing right now. This!

I silently thank Ken for such thoughtfulness knowing fully well that such a long drive will put a toll on his feet.

And indeed, he felt throbbing pain on his leg on our way back...

Hot iron gone cold.

2011-10-05T06:44:00.000-07:00

Early in life I have learned that washing and ironing one's own clothes is a part of life, the way brushing one's teeth is. I was taught early on that knowing how to iron clothes is a life skill and if nothing else, a necessity. We Filipinos take pride in our clean and well put appearance.

In fact, we wouldn't be caught wearing a wrinkled clothing even inside our homes.

So, imagine my surprise when I see household here in the US without an iron or ironing board in their homes. Most Americans wear creased clothing that is in dire need of ironing and yet no one give a hoot about it.

Wait, that's jumping forward.

Going back, I didn't actually get into ironing clothes when my boys were still growing up. We have a housemaid who do that for us. But when money become tight, and letting go of the house help seemed practical, I have to learn how to iron our own clothes.

Oh yes, it's a relief that irons have come a long way since the heavy cast iron monstrosities of days gone by. The one we use back in the province used charcoals to heat it. Thanks God, today we have electric irons that are time saving devices and also save me lot of effort. No wonder I find ironing very pleasant and I do it every Sunday morning after I am done with my house cleaning chores.

Yes, I like ironing. So lower you brows...please!

You see, ironing allows me time for reflection. It' is so easy to let my mind wander as I continue to work my way through the ironing pile. The simple rhythm and the soothing music relaxes me. Sundays is the best day because radio stations play old songs which really sets me in the mood.

BUT, living here in the US changed all that. It seems ironing is a task many Americans shy away from. People here go to church as if they are simply going to the supermarket. They wear shirts pulled out straight from the washing machines. Some don't even bother folding washed clothes but instead just throw them in piles on a bed.

I understand though why ironing is the last thing people here want to do after a long week of work. They have more pressing things to do on weekends like going fishing, or having a picnic, watch football games or go shopping than worry about such mundane things as ironing. Besides, everyone wears wrinkled clothes, so who cares?

So, I really don't know if I should be hopeful or scared with the thought that advancements in technology may further change the way we iron our clothes.

Maybe electric irons will become an ancient relic that we can admire and tell future children, "When I was your age..."

Laughing the gloom away.

2011-09-26T14:46:00.000-07:00

I absolutely love to laugh.

I love laughing till my sides hurt. I love laughing so hard I have tears coming out of my eyes. I love laughing so hard I have to hold my mouth to stop laughing. I love not being able to stop laughing.

It's amazing.

Oh yes, there were instances I have to laugh at myself. In fact, that may be the healthiest form of humor - to be able to laugh at oneself. I admit that many times I do ridiculous things that beg laughter and Ken is always sharp to point it out to me and we both end up laughing about it.

Laughter does indeed make me feel good, and with the prospect of a cold boring day, I believe it can actually be the key to avoiding the anxiety I may otherwise feel when life becomes a bit dull.

It does help a lot to be around Ken who is funny, and has a great sense of humor because he know how to reach a deep part of myself that is almost child-like. It seems each day a positive good feeling lingers and leaves a smile on my face.

It somehow leaves me wondering how he does it when he feels poorly because of the constant pain on his legs due to diabetic neuropathy. But of course, I am thankful that he often makes me laugh.

So YES, humor really matters. I may have taken it for granted, but while I am writing this, I realize that life would be almost impossible without it.

It is this indispensable feeling that helps us forget the reality of everyday problems.

My American Dream.

2011-09-16T18:55:00.000-07:00

It has been exactly a year and a half since I arrived in this country I acknowledged as THE most powerful country in the world. So as I sat in front of the PC tonight I thought of putting down in words my opinion of what the "American Dream" means to me.

I have long heard from other Filipinos who chose to live here that the United States offers boundless possibilities and opportunities. That regardless of one's past and previous circumstances, people can achieve their dream if they put in hard work. The fact that this exists, give me something to aim and strive for.

My standard of the American Dream however may differ from what most native Americans perceived it to be. Judging from what I see and hear in the news everyday, it seems their dream has become solely a struggle for wealth and possession. They want the most stylish clothes, the newest car, the best technology, and any other possession you might consider trendy. Obviously, it costs a lot of money to live this lifestyle that it left them in deep debt and make them unhappy.

I had lived a simple life, and so I have but simple dreams - that I will be able to go about my business without being harassed, that I can save money for the rainy days, that I can walk down the street in relative safety. Yeah, pretty simplistic, you say?

Not, if you have lived in a third world country.

Having a loving and understanding partner is essential to attaining this dream. As the pure joy of this dream is in the journey itself and a strong hand to hold on to when I get to a bumpy road.

I suppose part of me also wants the big house, the money, the cars and maybe the fame but when it comes right down to it, the only thing that truly matters to me is my husband. That's why it scares me when he gets ill!

So, does the American Dream exist? Its all here and it is all accessible.

Ken's little annoyance.

2011-09-06T19:26:00.000-07:00

Do you notice that nearly every conceivable situation carries with it the capacity to annoy?

I actually don't get annoyed very easily, but Ken has a short endurance to it. Maybe because he is in constant pain that any potential irritants can be be very annoying to him.

Talking to the phone annoys him, especially when it is an answering machine on the other end giving him instructions on what button to push to get to the utility department he need to get information from. It is doubly annoying to him to be put on hold because for 15 to 25 minutes he would blankly sit on phone listening to dead air like some sort of simpleton. But nothing beats him for being annoyed when the clinic personnel he was talking to, told him she will call back as soon as she talked to a doctor but she never did!

We finally had to call an ambulance.

Wouldn't you be annoyed when you finally get to the hospital and the first thing the doctor tells you after examining your condition is that you may lose your leg? It is not only annoying but disturbing!

Then he apologizes for his wrong diagnosis - after two days. Annoying.

My being too fussy on him at home also annoys him. He said I treat him like a child. But how can I ignore those blood that continuously gush from his leg? I felt a relief when we finally went to see a doctor at the VA clinic.

But then again, it's another cause of annoyance to him.

The doctor said Ken need a vitamin K shot to thicken his blood. But guess what? They don't have it in the clinic so we were sent to urgent care at another hospital.

Darn, they call it urgent care when there is nothing urgent with how they do things there. First, it takes eon to finish the registration process. When we finally moved to another room, the lady at the information told us that they have to bill Ken and not the VA despite Ken's telling her that it had been prearranged. She made us wait at the reception area while she stormed out to the registration. She came back apologetic saying she made a mistake. But she already annoyed Ken that he told me if they don't tend to him in 10 minutes he is walking out of there.

When we were called to enter the examining room, the doctor who see us have no idea why he should give Ken vitamin K shot. He had to ask him questions about his medical history, and he has a loooong one that at some point it become exasperating to him. When he left the room we have to wait again while they communicate with people from the other clinic. Annoying!

Today, Ken's foot is healing well. With regards to his temper? Sigh!

In support for a friend.

2011-09-03T18:26:00.000-07:00

Are you guilty of passing judgement on someone?

I am.

I think it is human nature and a trait that can cause a lot of harm if we are not careful of how we judge. We all judge on a daily basis, sometimes unintentionally but nevertheless we judge.

As I look closely into myself, I realized I am guilty every day of passing some type of opinion on someone. And it can be a dangerous tool that I possess if my judging opinions are passed on to others, because judging can destroy other people's character and in the process I may hurt people that I don't even know.

Today I got a call from a friend that some people had been talking ill behind her back. I know her and it peeved me that people would say things by just looking at her photos without even knowing the story behind those pictures.

Life as we all know it, is a highly personal experience. We do not know the depth of an individual. We do not know their feelings, their thoughts, perceptions, and the internal conflict that they face on a daily basis. Their experiences are solely their own, and no one can judge their walk of life.

We are a species with an array of personality types. We are all individuals who have endured unique experiences and have overcome different life challenges. If we have never been faced with a similar circumstance or situation, then how are we to criticize another person's action and reaction to life?

I told her, as I would do in a given circumstance to just ignore those nasty comments. She should not give them a position to impose themselves on her especially if they are being rude or arrogant because they think they are better.

Have I been unfairly judged before? Many times. Thus, I know how it felt to be on the receiving end.

And I do not like it one bit.

Moving forward.

2011-08-25T08:03:00.000-07:00

I believe that all of us are the product of our life's experiences. We are the character that has made us. We are what our childhood forced us to be. We are what our teenage experiences convinced us to be and we are what our adult life allowed us to be.

I don't mind what other people say about my life because only I own my life.

At the same breath, my life is always moving forward. We are always moving forward in life whether we acknowledge it or not. This is one constant that will never change.

And all is perfectly unfolding, and taking place in the right time, and in the right place.

I had chosen to move along with life even if in doing so I would hurt and disappoint some people. My decision had altered theirs, and it left a bad taste in their mouth. But sometime I have to set out my pursuit of something which never really was my objective to begin with. It so happen that half way down the road, opportunity present itself.

This is my one shot at life and I grabbed it.

I owe some people a lot of gratitude for the support they have given me in the past and I own that indebtedness. It is very sad that they do not understand the choice I had made even if it doesn't directly affect their life situation right now.

I cannot give up and spend the rest of my life grumbling about missed opportunities. Besides this is my life and I have to take charge and set out to achieve what will make me happy. The choice is all mine. I have no control over the past, but I still have the freedom to make choices for the future. I cannot wait for things to change on their own. I have to move them if I have to.

I regret having hurt the very people who I thought would be happy to see my life turn to the better. I hope they see my point of view. But I cannot dwell on negativity. Life is way too short to keep going down a negative road to nowhere.

If I fast forward to the last day of my life and I am in the last moments here on Earth and remember all the times I could have pursued an opportunity and chose not to for one reason or another. How would that make me feel?

Pretty rotten, huh?

Regret is the pain of realizing we could have done something and chose not to. There is no pain greater than the pain of regret.

PS:
Oh, just to make things clear, I did not have a baby or adopted one. This is just a photo taken last Sunday during Denica's christening ceremony.

Car show.

2011-07-24T17:40:00.000-07:00

This has been an exciting day for me because Ken brought me to Iowa to see a car show!

Ok ok, you say, "what's fun with that?"

Let me explain...

Lets start from the Mecum Classic Car Auction show from cable channel that Ken love to watch.

You see, it also peaked my interest because I don't understand the logic on how so many people wanted to buy "old" cars. Oh, by the way, a classic car is a car that is at least 25 years old, still in mint condition and considered collectible item, or at least that's how I understand it. They really look stunning, but I know for a fact that these cars has no fuel efficiency, they don't have warranties and not better for the planet because of the smoke they emit.

BUT! and this is a big but, they have soul, charisma and the memories that go with it. So from that alone I can speculate why people love those cars from the 60's or early 50's. It was an era when cars had personality. So each Saturday night Ken and I would sit in our living room gawking at those wonderful cars on parade and watching people bid on them.

Yesterday he told me that there is a car show in Joice, Iowa, which is just an hour drive from Wells. He asked if I wanted to go check it out. Of course, I said YES!

Omg, I was already feeling giddy as soon as I saw numerous cars lining up the main street of the town. I even wanted Ken to park on the first open spot he could find, but he keeps driving around and I was getting restless! He finally saw one right across the local library. The reason he parked there is so he can use the building's toilet, haha!

another OMG!!!

Those cars displayed there are very rare birds indeed. You never see them around anymore. The powerful machines along with its clean line would dwarf all the other cars on the road.

Yes, while it is true to say that a classic car does not have some of the more modern technology that most look for in a vehicle, they however more than made up for being part of automotive history.

Kudos to the owner of those cars who keep them in shape.

Where are they?

2011-07-14T11:50:00.000-07:00

I am sadden that most of those blogs I have followed had been dormant or had been deleted by the owner.

I know that anyone who writes reaches a point when it becomes difficult to continue. It could be writer's block or a writer's change of interest.

It happened to me a lot as well.

Life happens.

Things change.

But somehow my the blog remains. Blogging was never something I thought I would do. Come on, why would anyone want to read what I have to say about just random things?

Yet somehow writing a blog is like keeping a journal of my thoughts and feelings. It's similar to keeping a diary of sorts. It is a simple way of storing all the things that interest and excite me.

I admit I don't write as often as I use to but writing if I find a time, help me organize my ideas. And reading my old posts allow me to look at my life as a third party and not a participant.

I like reading other people's blog because their life also interest me. Besides I feel intimately close to them by being in the front seat in their life's journey. That's why seeing those blogs fold up is like losing a friend.

Hope you guys will come back and start writing again.

Just another birthday!

2011-07-11T12:21:00.000-07:00

Untitled

I can't believe I'm almost half a century,
It happened awfully fast
They say I'll have 49 candles
But I know I'll just have a blast.

I'm not prone to dance and sing,
But I know I'll have a great time
Just think, I have so many memories
I can do it all again in my mind.

I'll celebrate in spite of my age
I'm happy to still be here,
I'm glad I can still walk, and talk
I've had a good long life, you hear?

My hair is not yet white, some wrinkles here and there
But they bring me respect and love
Getting old isn't as bad as you may think
I have blessings from Heaven above.

I have family who love me forever
No matter how old I get
And friends who still respect me
And I don't have a single regret.

So please don't feel sorry for me
I'll still have so many good times,
I have so much to be thankful for
I'm just glad to be forty nine.

The End

I'm learning to drive!

2011-07-06T09:29:00.000-07:00

Unlike most Americans, who were encouraged to learn to drive as soon as they could reach the pedals and stay behind the wheel (not necessarily sitting!), I didn't get the opportunity to start learning to drive until now - out of necessity.

I am forty eight years old.

You see, living in the Philippines without a car could never be described as a genuine inconvenience. If a bus was missed there would soon be another; or a jeepney, or a motorcycle with a side car we call tricycle or one could take the metro rail transit to just about anywhere in the Greater Metro Manila area, with no worries.

But where I live now, public transport disappear completely like some Bermuda triangle-like phenomenon whisking them away to another dimension.

A real problem. But the solution was easy - learn to drive!

Ok, since I consider myself a reasonably intelligent person, I convinced myself I will pass the test. And sure enough with only four errors I acquired my permit and the right to drive with a licensed driver.

The first time I sat in front of the steering wheel I feel as if I could go into a panic attack. My breathing is shallow and my body stiff. But it helps to have a patient instructor like Ken beside me. He would patiently remind me to buckle up, adjust the seat and the mirrors before I start the car. I would drive about 50 miles per hour, which was pretty close to the speed limit in the country roads here. Ken however would keep telling me that I was going too slow and needed to speed up that's because he constantly monitor my speed!

I'm pretty certain I stalled my car on every street corner in my hometown the first time I went around it and Ken kept asking me to just drive him to the emergency room. But just to make this clear, Ken never appeared to get anxious or angry at any mistakes I made. We would cruise around wherever I pleased which made driving with him a lot of fun. Unlike a driving instructors, who I guess would generally give me specific directions when it came to what streets I could drive on.

Ken let me decide where I wanted to go. He was almost pleasant. Which is scary in its own way. Haha.

For now I dreaded the thought of driving in the city because I know I would be praying for streetlights to remain green for me - always.

Did I tell you I haven't practiced parking and backing up?

But with the State Government shutdown, it will be a while before I could get my road test and a driving license. I'll just cruise idly for now...

Addicted to pizza.

2011-07-02T08:53:00.000-07:00

Am I a pizza lover?

No.

At least that's what I thought, till Ken introduced me to bake-your own-pizza from this nice and cozy little shop buried in a city nearby.

Now, every Friday evening is pizza night and I love pizza as much or more than I do spaghetti and meatballs. Yes, you read it right, e v e r y f r i d ay.

Cost or travel doesn't matter as all our mind can think of is our date with a pie from heaven. It all started one Friday, months ago, when Ken asked me if I would like pizza for supper. I turned to him with a surprised look, because I never thought pizza could be anything but a snack food! But when I saw the large pie with all the toppings on it, I knew I won't have to slave in the kitchen that evening and there will be less dishes to wash, so I said YES without batting an eyelash.

I have had pizza before but I can only tell you that I really couldn't say enough about how good that first bite was, and stayed that way to the very last.

What's unique with this pizza is it is a "take and bake". They assemble our pizza while we watch and we can then take it home and bake it ourselves for that hot, fresh-baked taste.

But that's not all. I would always add more stuff to it before putting it in the oven. I'll sprinkle more green peppers, onions, mushrooms, pine apple tidbits and lots of cheese. Sometimes I would add meat too around the dough so it won't burn as we would always order the thin crust.

Yummy!

Cheap treasures.

2011-06-27T19:03:00.000-07:00

Talk about a treasure hunt?

Only one place will always come to my mind - thrift store!

Looking in thrift stores is an ultimate thrill. I always go in looking for anything cool, fun and edgy. Sure it can be a bit overwhelming seeing so many things all at once.

Hello? any classy department store have the same effect! Except this one doesn't make you spend more.

I would normally start at one rack and slowly work my way down the other.

Oh well, who ever said that searching for treasure was easy?

But it become easier if I go with my favorite shopping buddy. I always go with my mom or our friend Linda. Of course it's not always that if find stuff I want, but there have been other times when I found the piece of my dreams. I found this one wallet which has never been use because it was still wrapped in its original paper and I have been looking for one where I can put all my cards and what-nots.

When I do find something I love, it is like it was waiting for me all along.

I can't wait for my next hunting expedition...

Friends forever.

2011-06-18T11:02:00.000-07:00

I know my blog had been dormant for a long while, sorry. But things had been very hectic here the past days. Fortunately it is settling down nicely hence I can again find time to write.

What happened today inspires me to start writing again.

You see, I just exchange messages today to an old pal I have not been in touch with for a very long time.

Someone from my town. Someone I've been friend with before I move to the city.

Like most anyone, as I leave my old town to dive into my career and pursue the path to dream fulfillment, I also left my old friends behind in the dust for a while. Maybe it's because I met new friends that fit more readily into my new life.

But now I realize that somehow they are never good replacements for the ones I grew up with. They may have the ability to share a future full of laughter and fun with me, but they will never have the history that my old chums have with me.

Fortunately, there often comes a time when I and my old pals get back in touch with one another and rebuild the friendship. That's why I always like attending high school reunions. And there is one looming in 2013, yehey!

Indeed, it's amazing how my friends and I seem to understand what happened, so there is no need to apologize or explain. We can simply go on, picking up right where we left off years ago.

I am thankful that I remain friends with several of my own friends from youth, even though we had that typical break in the middle. For the most part, we live quite a distance from one another, but with the age of technology, we are able to keep in touch and continue the relationships with ease. An email every now and again goes a long way in letting them know that I am thinking of them and we keep each other abreast of what's going on our life. Whenever we do, we fall right back into the old patterns of the friendship and we never seem to miss a beat.

As we chat and catch up, retelling the stories of our childhoods together, I feel the freedom and the love that is only existent among old friends. Even if the days are busy, I still make the time to nurture these relationships in the simplest of ways.

I do this because they are the truly important ones.

And there is no greater reward than a dear, old friend.

Sealed and delivered.

2011-04-26T08:34:00.000-07:00

I sent a Balikbayan box to my family last Sunday. Yehey!

But that's not the real cause of my jubilation. No no.

It's the sight of seeing Ken's puzzled face on how I was able to fit so many things inside a single box. He could not believe that those items he saw scattered on the floor in my room could be crammed inside the box.

Oh, unless you are a Filipino you probably don't have a clue what I'm talking about when I mention about a balikbayan box.

Okay, the word "balikbayan" is actually a combination word coined in the 1970s. "Balik" means to go back and "bayan" means home town or home country. So "balikbayan" is someone going back to their home country, but it only pertains to people going back to the Philippines.

Therefore the term "balikbayan box" refers to boxes shipped by Filipino overseas via cargo containers to there loved ones back home.

Mind you, it is a box that Filipinos eagerly awaits from family members, relatives or friends living overseas. The box contains from canned goods to clothes to shoes or any items requested from a Filipino recipient that can fit inside a Balikbayan box.

It is a good thing though that shipping boxes to the Philippines is much more economical than one might expect because there is no weight limit. I simply need to pack all I can get into a Balikbayan Box without ripping it off and ship it for one price! No extra cost.

You see the Balikbayan box has its social role and significance. Tied to it is the pride, joy, love, anticipation and hope of each balikbayan. I admit I want to put so much stuff inside because I want my boys and relatives to experience all that I saw, tasted, touched, smelled and felt in this country. And nothing would give me more joy than the excited ‘ohhs’ and ‘ahhs’ of those who will be present when they open the box.

Ken put his stamp on the box by carefully and meticulously tying it up so it will get there in good condition. Aside of course from sending all eleven pairs of his running shoes he had bought but never use inside the box.

Yes, the Balikbayan box is not an ordinary thing. It’s where you can find love, pride and joy – where else in the world can you find that in a box?

Being a Christian.

2011-04-16T18:10:00.000-07:00

I guess it is safe to say that the national religion in this country is sports, not Christianity.

I say this because sadly when I enter the beautiful churches here I see just a few people along the pews during a service. But if I sit through an NFL games on a Sunday, I see the stadium packed to the rafters.

Philippines is predominantly a Catholic country. I know.

That's why I noticed the difference of how Lent is celebrated here in the US. If I am back in my country I will be among those women who go around the subdivision reciting the passion of the cross. My house will be among one of the 14 stations, hence there will be table outside my gate with candles and crucifix. I will abstain from eating meat starting on Ash Wednesday and all the Fridays of Lent. I will ask my children to give up something during the observance of the Holy week, like not using their cellphones as an important part of repentance and renewal.

Also this is the time of solemn reflections.

And my thoughts tell me that what was true in the days when Jesus actually walked the earth is still true today. Men and women still hurt one another. I still ask the huge "why" questions and demand answers. Life continues to be a mystery to me and I want answers that science can't find. I still need to know that there is something greater than myself and I know for a fact that it's not the Internet. I need to be assured that I go somewhere when I die. I need to know that someone cares for me when it seems no human does.

I'm old enough to have suffered some very reals pains in life and I have felt and known the comfort that can only come from God. I've had some very extremely lonely moments in life and have experienced the presence of someone greater who carried me through those dark moments.

I don't go to church very often becoz here I need to drive to go there and I can't drive just yet. But my faith and belief in God grow stronger.

I am a Christian. And for me, it is strong and vibrant and alive.

Pray it won't happen to movies as well.

2011-04-10T11:23:00.000-07:00

If your life is a Reality TV, would you watch it?

I know I have talked about this subject in my previous post. But the trend toward reality shows is disturbing to me.

At first it was fascinating. Throw together a few regular people and watch them interact.

But it's grown into something else entirely!

Singers and dancers aren't real anymore. They're the results of television polls. I see half naked club kids in hot tubs. Person pitted against person for money and not an honest game of trivia. Now it's backstabbing and arguing that make the big bucks. There's a show about rich brats having birthday parties. Of families swapping wives so the world can watch them traumatize the children.

These shows basically promote the worst behavior in people. Lie, cheat & steal for money. Where does it end?

Do viewers watch tv now to see people in public mental collapse? Or do networks programmed us to descend into this state?

When did we as a society decide that filming a group of people arguing, hooking up, and throwing fits was a good substitute for a television series with a script, a plot, and some substance?

I agree that sometimes it's fun to just kick back and laugh at something stupid someone said or did. Besides, real people were so much more interesting to watch. We could identify with them. They looked like us! No glamour or make up, just real people.

That was then...

Now, instead of these 'real" people we could identify with, it's buff men and women in bikini or tight shirts strutting there butts and tits in our living room screen.

Even Reality TV has become Hollywood...

Spring has sprung!

2011-03-24T12:36:00.000-07:00

Ahhh, Spring.

The sun today is strong enough that I can feel it's healing warmth deep within my skin as I sat in the car on my way to work.

As his usual, Ken took the lake route today thus giving me a peek at the new wildlife making its way into the open. We saw among other things five eagles perched on the tree along the lake. The ducks and geese swimming and resting after a tedious flight from I don't know where. All I see are flocks of them flying in from every directions.

The birds are chirping and it seem to me that the snow is already a distant memory as green grass and trees will soon be ready to burst forth their glorious shade of green.

I saw chickadees flitter around on one tree, bluejays bop in and out of sight, crows fly overhead and the sparrows seem to take such utter pleasure doing what they do best, singing.

This is beauty.

This is peace and tranquility.

This is one of those moments that sustain me through the long winter days and nights and I am so grateful that even with all of life's up and downs, twists and turns, I am able to see the beauty of a new life and truly appreciate all that IS around me.

There is a newness of life in the Spring air. I can smell it and hear it in the sounds of the birds that have returned.

This is one of my Forever Moments.

So I will watch and enjoy this moment for as long as it remains as it is right now. I am sure there are many things I would be doing today.

But those can wait. This will not.

Tomorrow it will not be the same. Tomorrow the colors will be just a bit more mature. The birds melody will be slightly different as different birds flit in and out of this one place on earth and the left over snow may melt overnight.

So, there I was inside the car with Ken sitting quietly while watching National Geographic from the car's window.

Goodbye Papang.

2011-02-12T18:05:00.000-08:00

It was my dad's funeral yesterday. I wasn't there to see him laid to rest.

But I am there in spirit.

My father died peacefully on Wednesday morning - Philippine time. When I received the news I didn't feel sad but was rather relieved that finally his sufferings is over. I just prayed that the Lord will give him safe passage to heaven.

Having been diagnosed with inoperable colon cancer my father was immediately resigned to the fact that he was going to die. He opted not to go under the knife, no chemotherapy, no medicines, but rather chose to spend the little strength he has left with the family. At that point it was just a matter of taking care of himself.

Aside from my aunt Ellie and my uncle Butch my sister Nenet assume primary care responsibility for him during this painful time. They were nurturing, patience and pretty much give my dad whatever time he has left to be about what he wanted. Maybe these, and his desire to live to see how his children, his grandchildren and the rest of the family is faring day in and day out had allowed him to live for four years after the diagnosis.

But as the final weeks and days went by, the father has become the baby. My sister has to spoon fed him and has to bring him to the bathroom. Eventually, he lost his appetite for food, he became so frail and weak that it is painful to watch his strength slipping away. The truth is, it become more and more difficult to watch the struggle for life when we knew death would bring final release.

When he drew his last breath, I am certain he wasn't alone. My brother was there waiting with outstretch hand. They are once again reunited in death and that in itself is a gift.

My father was, and will always be, a hero in my eyes. He did not accomplish great deeds. His name will not be found in the history books.

He was just my Dad.

And I will miss him terribly.

This ain't fashion.

2011-01-27T17:06:00.000-08:00

Unless I am a contestant in "Dancing with the Star", my sprained wrist is unlikely to make any headlines.

And to think that I am not even aware that I had sprained it!

Really, I don't remember falling down or reflexively extended my arm to brace against the impact. I just woke up one day with a throbbing pain in my wrist every time I twist it or put pressure on it.

And it's been two weeks now. Darn.

But the good thing is, the area doesn't swell. It has no skin discoloration. I have been taking Ibuprofen for the pain and I had started wearing this wrap to prevent my wrist from twisting and so far it helps.

Any idea what this is?

Toy for the big boy.

2011-01-22T06:34:00.000-08:00

Thank you all for wishing Ken to get well.

And get well he did!

He went last Wednesday to St. James Hospital for a check up and came home with a new car.

Now I am worried that something is wrong with his brain...

You see, his other car is only two years old, and it's also a Ford F150!

Okey, I got it. This ones interior is so fashionable that I think never before has so much luxury been extended into such a useful vehicle. And while both car has option to Ford Sync with navigation, and also an electronic work-helper function that can keep track of tools, jobs and calculate miles driven etc., this one has a camera at the back and the overhead mirror turns into a screen when you change gear to reverse.

But the real winner is the Box Side Steps which you can pull out from the rear and sides on this truck cargo bed. They give us a step to stand onto and down on as we are accessing the cargo area.

Why did no one think of this before?

Just another crazy day.

2011-01-15T17:58:00.000-08:00

I am relatively lazy today. I lounges all day and watched TV.

But there is a reason for it.

I did not sleep until 4 am last night because I watched over Ken who is running a temperature. He feels really miserable and weak. He complains of headache, fatigue, chills, ache and pains all over.

I keep changing the thermostat because he complains it's very cold even when he has two blankets on top of him. Then he would complain it's hot so I have to adjust the thermostat again.

There is nothing much we can do but let the virus run its own course. He doze off and on and I make sure the glass beside him is filled with water or juice. I know he need lots of liquid to flush the toxin away. The only setback is that he has to get up and go to the bathroom to pee and he don't feel like moving.

He sleeps all through the day today and it's good because sleeping is so healing and helps his immune system to go to work to help him heal faster. At around four in the afternoon while Ken is still sleeping I stood up from my fetal position in the couch and head to the bathroom. My head is starting to pound from too much NFL and I decided I need a bath.

But not just a simple bath. I want to submerge myself in hot water mix with air that will provide me a massaging effect. And so I run water in the whirlpool and just lay there with eyes closed while I listen to music from my mp3.

But alas, something had to spoil my moment. My mp3 plunges into the bubbling water and got wet!

Next scene: Me still in towel, with a hair dryer trying to dry the gadget. Until now my mp3 don't function yet. Ugh!

Our little corner.

2011-01-11T19:22:00.000-08:00

Ken has a laptop. I have a desk top computer.

Ken did not deem it necessary to buy a desk because he can just open his laptop and use it anywhere he pleases as his house has a wi-fi connection. In fact, whenever I use it, I just sit on a reclining chair and put it in my lap and tinker away or sit cross legged on the bed while playing MW.

But I do need to use my computer because he hates it when I sign off and forget to put his account back on. So we decided to buy a desk for my computer.

If you think that a computer desk is a simple thing to purchase, then let me tell you it's NOT!

Ok, I thought I only need a flat surface where I can put my computer on. A simple table would be fine because my computer has flat screen with wireless keyboard and mouse. No box.

But no no! Ken thought otherwise.

He said a good desk should last at least several years, so if I pick the wrong one, I'll be sitting at my mistake for a long time. He said an expensive desk may be worth the extra cost if it will last a long time and provides ample space for everything I need.

So last Saturday we went to the city to find a good desk. He said if we can't find anything there we can ask someone to build one for us.

So search we did. We went from stores to stores and the two main types of computer desk that we find in stores are wooden desks and metal/glass desks. They all come in a variety of shapes and styles and every desk is unique and can be used for a wide range of purposes.

Actually making the decision as to whether to opt for a wooden computer desk or a metal computer desk was easy. Before we went hunting for that one desk, we are in the consensus to go for the wooden desk because it blends well with the decor and colour scheme of the room where we wanted it.

But of course, fine wooden computer desks are naturally much more expensive than basic metal ones, but we think the price is worth it considering the fact that we are adding it to the furniture and decoration of the living room as well as being used as an office space where Ken can do his paper works.

When it was delivered today and seeing how it transformed the room, we knew we made the right choice.

Time slips away.

2011-01-06T19:17:00.000-08:00

It's 2011. Just like that. In a blink of an eye.

Is the time getting faster as I get older? Or am I simply too old to keep pace with time?

I don’t know about you but I would give anything for more days when nothing has been planned for the majority of it. When I would wake up from a deep sleep and strolled into the kitchen to get a coffee and then assume a very comfortable position in my favorite chair and sip the coffee s l o w l y.

But of course, this doesn't happen much as like most of you I go through life racing from place to place and moment to moment. There is never a shortage of things that need to be done, things I can‘t wait to be done with. Yes, I seem to be always racing against the clock as soon as I wake up.

Today is Rodney's birthday (my mom's husband). He is pushing 76 and as I write this I was thinking that the average life span is in the mid seventies and we all know the many obstacles that can make that number even smaller. I am not 50 yet but I know that the older I get the faster the time seems to fade away.

Therefore, I vow not to rush time away any faster than it will go on it’s own. I would like to be able to look back and say : “Wow I really lived a full life and made a ton of memories". Not, “Gosh it all went so fast and non stop that I don’t remember much of it".

So now I'll enjoy the long route to work each day and watch the wildlife and not read a book. I'll snuggle next to Ken to watch Gun Smoke/Wagon Train and not get crazy about leveling up in Mafia Wars. I'll leave the bed unmade on weekends so I could go back and get extra sleep or just keep warm under the blanket while reading my book. I will not worry about ironing clothes on Sundays as those shirts are hidden under layers of jackets anyway.

Yeah, I know. Life was never meant to be easy.

It just takes time to realize it.

Quite quiet.

2011-01-01T20:50:00.000-08:00

Did this year start with a bang?

Actually, I did not even realize that it was already midnight because there were no churchbells ringing, no fire crackers ruling the sky, no clanging of old pots and pans, no blowing of car horns, no kids blowing toy trumpets.

Nothing. In fact, the silence is deafening.

And then I realize I am in another country. The only "bang, bang!" heard is the one coming from the tv as Ken is watching his favorite tv series Gun Smoke in black and white glory.

It is truly a very different New year's celebration here. American's don't have the same beliefs and practices like we Filipinos do. Most think that it is just a celebration of one second moving to the next second, one day to next day. It's not a birthday, not an occasion that won't happen again and is perhaps not a great loss to miss.

Indeed it doesn't seem to matter that much, and they're just grateful when they see the dawn of a new year.

So I spent the night watching tv and when my auntie in NY called, I opened the laptop and sat cross legged on the bed to chat with her and other relatives on skype. It's like transporting myself back in my country as I listen to them squeal and laugh and tell us how their celebration went.

Over all it was a good new year's eve without a massive clean up the next day, although I did get a massive headache for lack of sleep.

Thank you 2010.

2010-12-24T18:21:00.000-08:00

Here it comes again. The time of the year when I take stock and say my thanks for the blessings and everything else I experienced for this year.

So here are the few things I am grateful for:

As always I will always be thankful for the three children that I raised. They are a large part of who I am today. They made me a better person and the love they provide has sustained me through countless battles in life.

I am thankful for my mother. I just adore her cooking although I wish she wouldn't put too much food on my plate. Yes, we are very different people but there is a special bond between us. Also, she made my stay here in the US very pleasant and stress free.

I am thankful that my dad is still with us despite his illness. He isn't as strong as he use to be but I treasure those few times I was able talk to him.

I am very grateful for my brother who made my trip here possible. He did not only spend for my fare and application fees, but also made sure that I visit the tourist destinations while I am in California.

I am thankful for meeting AA in person. He is one of the select few I meet online who remain very special to me. Finally seeing him in person, talking to him while looking in his eyes, and hearing his voice adds a whole new dimension to our friendship.

I had one wish though - I wish I would meet Sid in person as well. Someday. Maybe, someday.

Meeting Ken this year is like a non-conventional fairy tale. He is charming, funny, and very thoughtful. Ours is a whirlwind relationship. He proposed to me only after three months of having known me. I am thankful for having a new future to look forward to. One with the promise of love safety, and happiness. He treats me with respect and love. I am thankful for him being the man that he is, and the love that he offers.

I am thankful being in a foreign country, away from all the people I used to know because I learned how to cope with being broke. I learn how to make do with my lot in life, and how to treasure those little treats which don't cost the earth.

I’m also truly thankful for the little things in life - sunny day, the rain, the snow, the traffic-free roads, the tranquil scenery, the wild life, the smiles on peoples faces, sitting on the couch with a warm fuzzy blanket on winter nights while watching a good western movie.

While it might seem like I need a lot to be happy in life, there really are only a few things that I need in order to get by.

In short, this has been a good year.

Real Bambis.

2010-12-17T18:08:00.000-08:00

Do you like watching deer? I do.

I grew up in a country where "bambi" only exist in book. So seeing a real deer fascinates me.

Each day on my way to work, I would crane my neck looking for a single deer or hope to see two or three. But sometimes I get lucky and see a large herd of deer crossing the road. Bucks, does, fawns, walking and running.

You see, since it started to snow Ken had been the one driving me to and from work. We enjoy the scenery during the early morning that we would leave home early so we can take a different route each time. Most of the time we would take the gravel road and as expected, it always seemed like we were the only ones out-and-about. Sure, now and then we would encounter another vehicle, but the timing gave us the road almost to ourselves.

Sitting inside the car on a foggy morning and seeing a family of beautiful deer out in the field is truly a beautiful sight. But of course Ken is acutely aware that a deer may jump into our path from the brush and trees. So he drive slow and always anticipating an encounter with one or more of these fur covered friends.

Sometimes we don't see them, but we know they're there. When we see a deer or group of deer moving toward the road, he would slow down the speed of the car and proceed with caution and also to give us time to watch them.

Like most cities in Minnesota, deer hunting is encouraged here. But even if this saddens me, I know that the deer population has to be controlled as their overabundance could destroy farmlands or wreak havoc in the area that they are at.

As with any area that has many deer, people here also get frustrated with the deer jumping out in front of vehicles and causing accidents or cause damage to a car. In the same way that a hunter can kill a deer, a deer has plenty of ways of killing a hunter.

But whatever their fate, the beauty of seeing these real "Bambis", however briefly, is etched in my mind forever.

My Christmas present.

2010-12-10T21:53:00.000-08:00

While reading book has always been a favorite pastime for me,the style of reading has changed these days.

We now have electronic books!

The first time I saw Amazon's Kindle was in April when I first got here and visited Barnes&Noble book store. I was in awe at the Kindle display there but I cannot afford it, so I just went to searched for Dan Brown's The lost Symbol in hard bound copy.

But guess what?

Ken bought me as a Christmas present, the Nook by Barnes and Nobles.

Oh my gosh, this is even better with its two separate screens. This makes it quite unique because the bottom portion of the screen is a full color screen with multi-touch display, while the upper screen is a monochrome e-ink display, just like the Kindle’s. I also like the fact that this device is specifically designed to read books designed by a company which specializes in books.

He even bought a case for it too.

Thank you so much, Ken!

Music of my life.

2010-12-07T18:55:00.000-08:00

I have been listening to music.

Nothing unusual about that. Except that I have been listening to music of the 50's, 60's and the 70's. And I am downloading them into my mp3(at least the last two)so I can listen to them over and over.

When I was a teenager, the tune itself was enough for me to like a song, get on the dance floor and the rest took care of itself. But as I grew up I realized something - the songs seem to reflect what was happening in my life at the time, or had happened at some point in the past. Like falling in love, splitting up, heartache, pleasant surprises, death, all featured in my life and in the songs I listened too. There wasn't a particular song that stood out, but more a realization that the words actually meant something, if only I could be bothered to listen.

I actually knew the words to songs, not just dance to the music. When I had a boyfriend, then split up, I would find a song to fit the mood. When I had a new crush I would find a new song to be happy. When death occurred in the family, then there were a whole hit parade full of songs to fit the occasion. The Beatles, Bread, Queen, Bee Gees, Eagles, all wrote songs I could relate too. Also solo artist like Manilow, Streisand, Stevens, Richie, Dion who have voices as rich as their lyrics.

I don't know but the majority of today's sounds, I'm not too sure if its music because it don't have anything to say to me. I don't relate to it at all.

But I still know a good song when I hear one.

PS: I wasn't born during the 50's but I want to listen to Ken's music and appreciate the tune of this era.

Brrrr ...cold!

2010-12-04T18:22:00.000-08:00

We had another snowfall yesterday.

The thought of seeing snow falls excites me no need when I was still in Manila. And oh yes, the sight continue to marvel me but the experience of actually living with snow doesn't.

First, because it's miserably cold!

Yes, even when the season has charm it don't charm me as much as refraining from freezing my bones. Besides, after several days when the snow freezes, they become obstructive and filthy. I also do not like the slap of a strong cold wind on my face, frostbiting my ears and especially, chapping my lips. The last one is most uncomfortable.

As a result I have to bundle up like an Eskimo to spend a few minutes outdoors. I also have to constantly keep my hands covered with gloves, which is pretty an obstruction if I need to use my hand constantly. My feet also get soaked from walking through snow and ice. Hence paired with the cold air outside, my feet would turn numbed. I also worry about slipping on my bottom on the ice... AGAIN!

Add to that are the terrible gray days which occur all too often. The clouds covered the precious few hours of daylight, therefore the rest of the time, it's pitch dark outside.

The saving grace for me is the holiday feel around town when all the Christmas lights starts to twinkle.

Yeah, I could feel the magic in the air...but so is the cold looking for any way it can find to creep beneath my clothes and pierce right through until I am brittle to the bone.

Ready for Christmas.

2010-11-29T18:49:00.000-08:00

Even in a small town like Wells, I give kudos to the good ol' country folk in this town for an amazing job decorating their houses for the holidays. You see, these people could care less about what the neighbors think. Obviously, they could also care less that their power bill for this month and the next is more than their car payment. Ken even promise to bring me to the big city where houses are completely covered in colored lights.

But to my horror I discover that there is no christmas tree to decorate at Ken's house(perhaps he didn't find it necessary as he has been living alone for seven years). No christmas wreath or lights to put out in the porch. So I spent days browbeating him to buy an artificial tree because decorating for Christmas is perhaps the greatest time of the year for me. I like putting up christmas decor and with all the snow around here, this is going to be a real white christmas for me.

So finally last Saturday, or the day after Black Friday he relented to shop for the Christmas tree at Target. As expected those pre-lit trees at a bargain are out of stock so we settle for a 7ft. unlit tree and bought 2000 lights and ornaments.

As soon as we arrive in his house, I started unpacking and went to work. I am so excited that I can't wait another day to put it up. While I was fluffing out the branches of the un-lit tree, Ken settled down in the couch to watch me finish assembling it. It didn't take me long and when I’m done putting all the ornaments in place on the tree, Ken turn on the tree lights and turn off the living room lights.

We sit on the couch to admire his beautiful little Christmas tree ...

We are ready for Christmas and whatever it brings.

Thanksgiving and Black friday.

2010-11-26T10:40:00.000-08:00

After the summer, fall and winter comes another first. Thanksgiving and Black Friday.

Thanksgiving:
If the roasted pig takes center stage on the dinner table in the Philippines during holidays, here in the US it is the roasted turkey that get the spotlight. Oh well it doesn't taste as good as the squealer, but I like the way it is presented on the table. And like Tracey's mom, my mother loves cooking too, and yesterday she bury herself in the kitchen whipping different pies and other dessert aside from cooking three more supporting dishes to go with the holiday star.

Yeah, yeah. I overeat as I just throw caution in the wind and stopped counting the quantities. But at least this put a smile in my mom's face!

But the true meaning of this holiday they say is to be able to give thanks for all the blessings that come our way, and in my case, they could not be counted for there were so many.

And that alone is a lot to be thankful for. Amen.

Black Friday:
This day like it's predecessor gets plenty of news coverage. For days television and print media is bombarded with ads about these big deals that stores are offering. Door busters? What's that?

Okay I get it. I have to be standing in line in the cold to be among the first to get in the store to avail of those knockout deals.

Knock out and busted. Yeah right!

I don't see the logic why stores have to open their doors at such goofy hours as 3am! Getting up the day after Thanksgiving at some ungodly hour can be very brutal especially if the temperature outside is 12 degrees F. So me, Linda and Frank decided not to sleep at all by playing Chinese madjong till three in the morning. I don't know if we made a right decision, because I wasn't feeling uppity going around the stores with eyes half closed.

You see, I am not a super shopper by any stretch of the imagination but I do like to save money. And besides I just wanted to see first hand what's the fuss about and why is there so much frenzy about this day. Also Ken was generous enough to give me shopping money(yay!), but put his foot down about going with me. Good decision.

I did not buy any of the "door busters" items as you can see from the photos above. What I got are just ordinary things which I need in the house but are sold by a few dollars less than their original price. So is going shopping at dawn in freezing temperature worth it? NO!

Now I can say that Black Friday is a modern day treasure hunt. It is the one day where ordinary shopping become a competition. So, never again.

Imagine if there is no computer...

2010-11-21T19:54:00.000-08:00

So here I am sitting in front of my PC at past 10 pm. Again.

I guess I could say that I live here. Seriously.

Hmmm...let me see. I moved here about 7 years ago. Yeah, I like it that for a while I decided to settle down here permanently. It started with chat rooms. I was completely fascinated with the idea of sharing ideas with people from all over the world. Unfortunately, that simply isn't what you'll find in most chat rooms. For the most part it's lonely singles, looking for love in all the wrong places. So I would jump from one chat room to the next, looking for anybody with something interesting to talk about. It was almost magical to actually find someone who could hold a conversation that wasn't about my bra size or what kind of undergarments I prefer.

My fascination with chat rooms lasted for 2 years but by then I have enough friends in my yahoo messenger list whom I talked to in a regular basis. I could spend hours and hours typing away on my keyboard. Even spending most of my waking hours on the computer up until I cannot hold my eyes open any longer.

Then Ray introduced me to IMVU where I can create my own virtual world. I get addicted trying to get the coolest item and sprucing my beach house, my space ship, my pad or my apartment in NYC. It's here where I met Sid.

But pretty soon I got bored with that also because by then I had started reading blogs and I got hooked on it that I decided to write a blog too. Now, I am not just sharing my life, my thoughts, my fears and dreams to a single person but to anyone who cares to read.

And then I have Facebook. All the other social sites pale in comparison as FB gives me a lot more, thus demanding more of my time. I have a farm to tend and upgrading my farm and crops seems to be my real life goal for a while. Then my kids taught me how to be a tough mafia that I even beat them in scores and level. I had given up farming now as I find the organized crime world more interesting, haha!

Alas, they don't call the Internet the information super highway for the heck of it. If I want to learn something new, all I have to do is type in a keyword and do search. The other week I got four Pashmina from my auntie which I don't know how to wear. So I Google it and found a video teaching me the different ways to wear it. Easy!

I search songs and download them in my mp3, I read the news, watch video and even movies in my computer. The PC makes it possible for me to be entertained and not ever leave the house.

Am I an addict?

What about you?

See what I got!

2010-11-19T19:52:00.000-08:00

Flowers aren't something most men go out and buy every day.

I know, because for the life of me, I don't remember getting a single stemmed rose much less a bouquet from J while we were together!

Therefore it surprises me no end that Ken fully understands the importance of using flowers as a means of effective communication. I mean he doesn't need to verbalize in words certain moments when simple words are just not enough.

Funny, but I could not believe that receiving flowers for no apparent reason can be a thrill. Reeeeally! Maybe because it made me realize that someone is thinking of me. And believe me, flowers do brighten up the day. Also because I know that he had taken an extra step to make it so.

Oh well no matter what the reason is, I will always appreciate the gesture that brings me a lovely bouquet of different colored roses. I don't even need to know what these color stands for (i just read somewhere that the color of roses has meanings). As long as the way it makes me feel to receive this part of nature's beauty is amazing.

Loved and appreciated, who could ask for more?

My first snow.

2010-11-15T18:59:00.000-08:00

The weather news declare that we will have snow fall in the evening.

I didn't know winter will arrive so soon here in Minnesota. But I guess as soon as the leaves changes its color and the air gets crispier by the day, then snow isn't far behind.

Am I excited? Of course, I am eager to see what the surroundings will look like the next day but I am not crazy excited. So fast forward.

It was past 8 am when I woke up and opened my bedroom window and saw blanket of snow in the yard... and as far as my eyes can see! Snow glorious snow. The beauty of the surrounding is absolutely breathtaking. The way the snow glistens or the sparkle of frost first thing in the morning. There is nothing like a good snowfall that make the dreary brown landscape come to life.

I went outside, and I feel the crunch. The sound that snow makes when it's fluffy and fresh and sparkly, and I am the first one to walk on it! I also feel the sharpness of the air, so clean and so crisp that I can see it when I breathe, going in like mint and out like smoke.

But maybe I am the only one excited of seeing it because I heard my mom mumbling under her breath about shoveling another 4 feet of snow away from the garage and then make a path towards the deck.

At 9:30 Ken picked me up and gave me a tour of the town. I find a great deal of delight in the quick accumulation of the soft white blanket covering the sidewalks and yards. From the car window I watched the snow plow thundering down the street pushing the accumulated snow off to the side of the road.

I guess only in winter can one truly appreciate the value of having a home to live in. Why not? A nice warm home is fabulous after a long winter walk. You see while Ken watches a show on tv, I went out and walk around the block. My ears hurt and my feet are cold, but it's all worth it when I enter the house and begin to thaw out.

However, this same snow did not allow my mom to watch the Pacquiao - Margarito boxing match at eight that evening because the gravel road that leads to town is deep with it that driving on it can be very tricky.

But that is another story.

The girl who kept me awake.

2010-11-11T19:38:00.000-08:00

Finally!

I am done reading all three of Stieg Larsson's books. The story is truly captivating that I stayed up late for several nights till early mornings as I just can't seem to put the book down.

Yeah, I know that a movie version of this book is in the works but I still believe that it won't be nearly as superior as the paperback version. While movies can certainly stimulate my imagination, reading this book do so much more and do so more effectively.

You see, through reading the book, I am forced to create my own image from the author's words. Larsson's description of the way Lisbeth and Mikael and the rest of the character look, the expanse of the landscape, or the sound of their voices is already created in my mind which may be different from what the movie will create.

Of course, these images and ideas I created is largely based, as is anything, on my own understanding and interests as a reader. I know that in the movie, my imagination is not needed, and the visual image that accompanies the story is provided for me and the visual impact of the story is not based in any way on my own understanding of the scene.

But the experience of creating my own visual image and using my imagination, is what makes reading exciting!

It's the ability to personalize and to have a dialogue with the book that makes the difference. It allows my own logic and creativity to be used, and for me to grow as I read. It is an experience that cannot be achieved by simply watching someone else's vision.

But am I still excited to see the film?

You bet! As I wanted to see if the actors will live up to my interpretation even if the movie version will never live up to the original strength of the written book.

Crazy over football?

2010-11-08T18:12:00.000-08:00

It's like Manila all over again.

You see, whenever Manny Pacquiao has a boxing fight, every filipino is glued on their tv screen watching the fight. It is the same here in Minnesota when the Viking is playing. Football is like a blockbuster movie here where the purple team plays the hero while all the other football team is the villain.

You can just feel the excitement and pride of Minnesotans when their team won the other day because when Ken and I went out to have dinner after the game, sixty percent of the people in the restaurant are donning their Viking shirt. It's like a symbol of greatness for the city it represent. But of course when the team were losing, I bet, they are just as fast to bury their shirt in their closet!

And long after the game is over, people are still talking about it like it's a national debate - should Brett Favre retire this year? Should the team owner fire the head coach even when they won their last game? What did Randy Moss do or did not do to be axed from the team?

I really don't understand the game. For me, it's kind of barbaric the way the players hit each other. This game lack politeness as both team fiercely defend their territory and violently tackle those who would encroach. Back and forth they struggle towards a goal. The scoring team pushes forward while the other team keep ground. Maybe it's just me, but I don't get a thrill watching big bruisers with over flowing testosterone repeatedly bashing into each other, all in the deceivingly simple pursuit of moving the oblong brown ball from one side of the field to the other.

Yet, in the end, I enjoy watching football for the simple reason that I enjoy it! Maybe it's just an opportunity to take an interest in something lighthearted, inconsequential, and just plain fun.

Summer or winter?

2010-11-01T18:31:00.000-07:00

Oh my god! I know I won't be walking in winter wonderland as I just found proof that hell had actually frozen over here in Minnesota!!!

Oh no, I don't have any vision of gliding over crystalline powder of snow. I've been miserably cold and it's not even winter yet!!!

You see, the cold I am experiencing now is a little daunting, but add a cruel wind chill to that and it becomes a survival challenge for me. And for the past three days, it's been windy that the fall feels colder than the dead of winter.

I know I said in my previous post how I hate summer. But darn, I'm missing it already!!

YES!

2010-10-21T19:02:00.000-07:00

The only things I need in life are air, water and food. Or so I think.

Well I do know I don't need a diamond ring. But then Ken gave me one to make the engagement valid not only for the world to see but also for me to know that he is truly going to go forth with the commitment of marriage. We are forging a life together. Which mean I will no longer be alone because we will stand strong as a united front against the world.

When something bad happens in my life he is the only person that I would turn to, and I know that he feels the same way.

When I saw the ring, it was like- Wow! This is real!

Ok, I 'll be honest. He made me choose the ring. But I have never gone through the process before, and I find it insane to have to wear daily something so expensive! I know I won't be able to wear such jewelry in Manila or i'll get my finger cut off if a robber sees it. No one wear a genuine jewelry in the streets of Manila for fear of being robbed or worst, die of it.

So, what do I do? As far as I am concern, this ring symbolizes a lifetime of unconditional, and immeasurable love. I can't compare a lifetime of love to the size of the diamond. The quality of love is priceless.

However, they do say a diamond symbolizes forever. That is why I receive a diamond engagement ring when he pops the big proposal and I know this is a gift I will cherish for the rest of my life.

How did he propose? It was very sweet and a very "his" type of proposal.

I had always thought one had to get engaged in a fancy restaurant or in a very special place for the couple. But no, he pops the question while we are seated inside the car while driving around town aimlessly.

Oh well, I now know that its still just as special if you just get engaged sitting in the car in front of fields of corn and beans!

Boys to men.

2010-10-16T21:40:00.000-07:00

Let me make this clear. I have nothing against men. I love the men in my life - my sons. Sometimes though, they perplex me. They seem to live right on the borders of common sense, logic and deductive reasoning.

You see, I always wanted a son. I prayed and prayed for a baby boy when I found out I would be blessed with new life. Oh, I was so happy when they placed my precious little man in my arms. But it wasn't long after that beautiful moment that he peed all over me. And I soon found out that baby boys pee on their mothers often. As soon as you wise up and figure out how to shield yourself, they begin to master projectile vomiting! I was totally unprepared to see my infant child play out a scene from the Exorcist.

Thank goodness they outgrow it.

No, that's a lie. I just lied to you. They do not outgrow it, they perfect it!

It's not long before they are no longer content to pee on you, the parent. They often choose to pee anywhere and everywhere. When they graduate from diapers to big boy pants their target of choice is the toilet seat, the wall behind the toilet or the floor around it and sometimes the dog.

As my boys mature, they do not always seem to understand the necessity of clean clothing. If allowed, they will wear the same socks for a week. Pants and shirts that emit low odor vapors are still acceptable to them. They will wear jeans that show off their skivvies and consider the undergarment as simply a patch covering the hole from the inside.

Of course, they care about their appearance that's why they use deodorant beneath a less than fresh shirt. They trim their fingernails and toenails, leaving the clippings wherever they may fall, and they will wipe the crumbs from their shirt before leaving the table. Again, leaving them where they fall.

Another irritating thing is that my three boys leave their shoes anywhere and it is certain that if I am there, I will trip over them. My sister complain that when they finally decide a garment is no longer wearable they will deposit it on the floor just a few feet away from the hamper. I get an earful from my sister about how fast my boys pile up soiled clothes and how messy their room is. But what can I do? I am thousand of miles away and I could not bitch at them?

But hey, what would me and my sister talk about if the world where perfect? We need my boys to keep us entertained. I give birth to them, I love them, I tolerate them and I thank God for them. (Wait till mama comes home)

A picture-book, no more.

2010-10-05T18:25:00.000-07:00

This to me is the magical time of the year - Autumn. First, because I seem to be happier. Maybe because it is not too hot, and not too cold during the day. I dreaded night time though because then the temperature falls dramatically.

However, along with the temperature change also came a flurry of activities. The farmers are busy putting in their harvest of corn and soybeans and all along the sides of the roads you will see the left overs of the process of harvest. Then comes a splash of new color here and there. A little red here, a little orange there, and yellows everywhere. The new colors trigger the thoughts and puts me in a different frame of mind. For some reason, I forgot about my fear of winter because the beautiful scenery has become the main attraction.

I am very happy when Ken took me last Monday on a long road trip to the northern part of Minnesota so I can see the burst of colors. They say the color of the leaves there are peaking so fast that if we blink we may miss it. So off we go, without much of a plan as to where the road will take us. He just thought we should go to Duluth and just follow nature's trail from there.

It was a sight to behold! Nature's palette definitely had a designer. Oranges, from burnt-orange to orange-yellow. Yellows, from buttery-yellow to butterscotch. Brick-red, fire-red, and brown. Then there is the generous amounts of copper, bronze, and gold which can make any man feel rich. The colors are so rich, in fact, that they become too rich for the tree, hence they shed them.

From the car my eyes feasted on the drifting beauty before me. I hum a tune as the car coast along lakes, rivers and mountains all displaying festivities of color. The green seems out of place, but I guess being admonished by the proud yellows for not yet being in costume. Today, we found ourselves coasting along a motorized-deserted road. It seems nature just did a show for only the two of us! It was breath-taking at the same time amazing at how one can get an adrenalin rush just by watching as simple as the turning of the leaves.

I hope that you too can grab the front seat to this awesome show. Take a minute to look out from your window as this beauty will soon fade into obscurity.

Oh, let me mention that we were pleasantly surprise to find a little cozy bistro in Rush City that served very good food. And to top it, they got mango frosty which gave me a taste of home. Perfect!

Watch out! She's PMSing!

2010-09-29T19:49:00.000-07:00

I know, people around me cringe during this time of the month. This is the period where I lost self control that leads to rages. I say things that I have to apologize later. I snap at people when I am in pain and being bothered.

But you see, I feel utterly miserable!

For three days now I feel bloated, I have constant cramps, I feel lazy and irritable and depressed. So today, I just sat on the computer and kill,kill, kill! Yes, I had a killing spree in NY and Moscow bringing my total body count to 2,768 and I looted properties in Las Vegas. Boy, I had such an adrenalin rush that I almost forgot I am PMSing.

Oh yes, I need distraction from the cramps as the periodic pains drives me nuts! But darn, this is something I deal with every single month. It totally takes over my body. A bit like an alien possession, once a month.

Of course, I blame Eve! If she hadn't eaten that damn apple things may have been different! Even my cat hides from me at times like this. I must have tried nearly everything to stop it happening, but still ended up nearly killing everyone in sight (at least only in Mafia Wars).

Ok, I'm calm.... I am breathing deeply... counting one, two, three, four, five...

Ahhhhhh!

A letter to my son.

2010-09-23T10:30:00.000-07:00

Dearest Tido,

My sweet first-born child Tido, you made me a mother when I honestly had no idea what I was doing. Oh yes, it was with you that I dipped my toes into motherhood always testing the water unsure if I was harming you or helping.

You know that I constantly worry about you and your younger brothers especailly since I am not there to look after your welfare. But after talking to you last night on Skype, I know that inspite of my doubts, I can rely for you to face up to life challenges. I may not be with you physically now but always bear in mind that I always think what is best for you.

Hey, it will be your birthday next week. Wow, my eldest son will soon turn 21! What you don’t understand about birthdays and what I haven’t told you is that when you are twenty one, you are also twenty and nineteen and eighteeen and ten and five and one. When you wake up on your birthday, don’t expect to feel twenty one because you won’t. You open your eyes and feel everything’s just like yesterday, only it is today.

And you don’t feel 21 at all. You feel you’re still twenty. And you are underneath the year that makes you twenty one. Like someday you might say something stupid and that’s the part of you still thirteen. Or maybe you still sleep with the blanket up to your head because you are scared, and that’s the part of you that’s five. Yes, you don’t feel twenty one. Not right away. It takes a few day, weeks even, sometimes even months. And you don’t feel smart 21 not until you’re almost twenty two.

Son, no matter where your life takes you, always remember this: Life is not about you, or your clothes, your shoes, your hairstyle, not even your skin color. It’s not about the people you know, or the things you have. It’s not your diploma, or the places you have been to. Life is about love, of pain, compassion and happiness. It is about knowing how to deal with circumstances. It is about touching other people’s lives and making an impact. It is about making mistakes and learning from it.

So it is with this renewed happiness that I wish you a happy twenty first birthday young man. Know that I, your brothers and the rest of the kins love you even more than we ever could have thought possible.

much love,
Mama

Gearing up for winter.

2010-09-20T19:44:00.000-07:00

Like any first timers who come to the US, I dread the coming of winter because of the cold weather it brings, yet I also get excited of the thought that I will finally see snow flakes falling from the sky. It will soon be fall, which means winter is just around the corner. Exciting!

As I said before in my previous post, I really am not a fan of summer because it brings a more hectic lifestyle - with vacations, swimming, hiking and everybody soaking in the sun rays in one form or another. However, winter I think is more peaceful as there will be fewer people congregating. I believe people during this time are more cozy in their homes, wrapped in their blankets, in front of their fireplaces, drinking hot chocolate. Oh why not? It would be a nice respite from the roasting sun and high humidity of the long summer solstice.

And now as I look around the never ending fields of corns and beans, I could almost picture out the stunning beauty of the snow as it seemingly goes on forever across my frozen field of view.

Of course, I ready myself for its coming. I already bought winter clothes although its a bit disappointing when you get to a store and they don't display their winter jackets yet. But well, I did get a few and I am excited with the thoughts of strolling through the stores and streets clad in multicolored layers of winter clothing, adorned with scarves and topped off with usually ebony-colored gloves, hahaha.

Above are what I have. Jackets, coat, bonnets, a scarf, a winter boots, and mittens. I have flannel sleep wear and blankets. Did I miss something else?

Hmmp, don't say a warm body to curl up with because I can't buy that in the department store, Duh!

Ray of sunshine ( sigh!).

2010-09-16T08:06:00.000-07:00

The day started nice and cool. But later in the afternoon it was raining heavily with strong gusty winds with warning of tornados. And like the sudden change of the weather, as I journey through life, I experience happiness in varying degrees, depending mostly on how I perceive things and my emotional state. Of course, I also accept that happiness is fleeting, and that I may not stay happy all the time. Therefore I appreciate the good times all the more, and I don't take them for granted.

Yesterday was a very special day. I am glad that there are people who wants to cheer me up. They take time to keep my mind active and persuade me to do something I never would have thought possible. It is especially heart warming when someone tried to make an effort to make me feel special and important and shower me with gifts.

Friends and family are also my source of joy therefore I don't neglect them. We talk as often as we can - thanks to skype and oovoo because even when they are in other parts of the globe I still get to talk to them everyday. It's good that my cousin Babette discover oovoo. It is amazing as the medium allows us to have conferences at the same time see everyone on cam, unlike skype that only let you use the cam on a one-on-one chat. We giggle and laugh and share stories as if there's no distance between us.

Add to that is the knowledge that America voted Michael Grimm in AGT last night. I was gripping my seat as the result is being announced and I let out a shout of joy upon hearing his name.

I guess its true what they say that essentials to happiness in this life are something to do, something to love, and something to hope for.

Who's got the talent?

2010-09-14T19:36:00.000-07:00

I was just done watching America's Got Talent. It's now the finals where only four contestants are vying for the title and the 1M grand price.

Honestly, I never watched this show when I was still in Manila because the first time I watched it I wasn't impressed. The title of the show itself seem to be stretching the imagination somewhat as I watched contestants with spirit but with little aptitude to entertain. It's like seeing an act on a street which won't even merit a second look.
I don't understand why millions of viewers tune in to watch people who are hopelessly lacking in talent, make a complete fool of themselves in their quest for fame and fortune.

But my mom had asked me to sit with her to watch the show and I can honestly say I got hooked on it. I am entertained by complete unknowns! The program showcase a mixture of acts that range from excellent to awful. And I see massive talent with every kind of act you can think of, represented.

As usual, I cheered for the underdog and in this case, Michael Grimm. I hope he gets his wish tomorrow ... and mine too!

Unfinished, untitled.

2010-09-04T18:00:00.000-07:00

It's Sunday.

The day started with me slowly waking up to the sound of mom's footsteps downstairs. Instead of getting up, I pulled the blanket over my arm and curled my body in a fetal position. I shivered a little. I am cold. I am awake. I am lonely. I am scared.

Lying in bed, I contemplated on the events of the past days, months... I acknowledged that I am getting older, heavier and less attractive. The odds of growing old alone gets higher by pounds, wrinkles and years.

There was a time when I had someone to have breakfast with. He stayed in my life for a short time. He was a good man and it felt right. I let him in and for a while it seemed, my luck had changed.

Then, he changed his mind and went away. I was left asking myself where I failed.

I was happy to have someone to curl up with at night, someone to cook, to talk, to laugh with... It still hurts to remember those times when he would come up behind me and hug me tight while I am at the sink washing the dishes.

I started to cry. I couldn't stop no matter how hard I try. I pressed my face on my pillow wanting to go back to sleep. This new day had nothing new to offer me.

Dreaming sounded so much better...

A ride of a lifetime.

2010-08-15T17:34:00.000-07:00

The weather is very nice today, not too hot and not too cold. It's perfect for a bike ride!

Ken had been waiting all this time for this perfect weather and when it finally came, he did not hesitate calling me to inform me that he will pick me up after dinner (which he really meant after lunch)for a tour around the county.

Of course, I am just seated at the back. But I know the feel of being in control of the motorcycle and it's a heady stuff. I have a small scooter back then, and I feel the irrepraceable rush that comes from a quick twist of the wrist. You see, the blast of the wind serves as a direct feedback. And boy, there is almost nothing that compares to motoring along a smooth stretch of curvy back road devoid of cars, pedestrians and other things non-motorcycle.

The road is so clear and smooth that I can't help feeling a sense of adventure that comes from gliding effortlessly through long sweeping curves. I can feel the adrenaline rush as we safely negotiates a series of turns, then accelerate smoothly into straightways. And as we drove through a stretch of lonely cornfields, my senses become keener and awareness of my surroundings become more acute.

It's hard to explain this to non-riders, but just sitting in the saddle of a bike actually RELAXES me! Put another way: there is simply no time for stress, because I am too busy riding and enjoying the experience.

A Harley ride is like having freedom that no car or drug can replace. Try it!

Summer isn't my favorite time of the year.

2010-08-11T19:43:00.000-07:00

There always seem to be a problem wherever one choose to live. I thought it's a good idea being her in the US because of the cold weather. But as soon as I got here, I realize that I can't stand the cold. It's too much for a tropic girl like me. I was gritting my teeth as soon as I stepped out of the cold California air. It's funny because three weeks after I got here ,I was still shopping for jackets while most people are already buying summer clothes.

So I thought maybe summer will be better. Lo and behold it did come and so did the mosquitoes and flies and every other bugs. It's hot, it's humid and there seems to be a daily thunderstorm watch. There are days when it gets oppressively hot that even when I came from a country where the sun is up most year round, the summer here is way too hot for me. My skin which is basically brown had turned darker and it itches. I was never this dark before even when I expose myself to our hot eastern sun. Here when you combine humidity and heat, the temperature feels much greater than it actually is.

And we live like a gazillion miles away from a shoreline, thus we are stuck with the lake. But the lake here isn't clean to dip into because all the pesticides and whatever it is farmers sprays on there crops goes into the lake. Oh yes, they are quite beautiful as they have trees and grasses and wild flowers and I bet the water is cool because they stay frozen for months - IF YOU DON'T MIND THE BUGS!

Another reason I don't like summer is because I can't wear a swimsuit. I am not built like those other women who can flaunt there body in a bathing suit. I know I don't look pretty in them, and I hate looking for shorts to put over my bathing suits lest subject someone else to my ugly sight. Seriously!

I just can't wait for Fall, or will I be surprised again?

Look what I got!

2010-08-07T14:10:00.000-07:00

I missed my cats back in Manila and it really broke my heart when I learned from my neighbor there that my mother cat Stray had died just two weeks after I left. They said my cat would stay outside looking out on the road. Maybe, hoping that any time I would appear or that any of the boys would. They didn't really gave me the detail of how she died, and I wouldn't want to hear of it because I can't bear the thought of her dying knowing that we had abandoned her.

So, I was kind of ecstatic when I saw an abandoned kitty in one of the barns here in the farm. When I first saw the gray and white fluffy kitty, she was nervous and fearful. She would look at me, but would run as soon as I made a slight move towards her. So everyday, I would go to the barn and offer her treats and kind words. I would put the food closer to me to try to get her close. She would come to the food and even eat it while I look on, but a tiny movement would drive her scampering away again.

It was two weeks of her getting use to my presence in the barn when I was finally able to touch her. She did not only allow me to pet her, but she also brushed her body on my legs and arms. Although I know she was born totally wild, she warmed up to me. I was even surprised that when I left the barn she was right behind me, following me as I walked towards the house.

Since then, she would wait for me at the deck for her food and she now sleeps at the garage.

On rare occasions that she would come inside the house, I would let her come to my room and lie beside me. She is such a cutie and she is very playful. She follows me everywhere, and even helped me when I work in the garden.

I named her after my other cat Inee although Ray called her Smokey.

Serenity around me.

2010-08-04T13:53:00.000-07:00

I have been living in an urban area most of my life, and to be honest, I am tired of it - 27 years of living in Manila, which hasn't really changed much during my time there.

I thought I am a city girl. But now that I am here in the countryside, I was surprise that I do enjoy my time here more that I hate the thought of going back home to all that polluted city air and noise. What I like the most about my stay here, is the fresh air and vast green fields that I woke up to in the mornings. Not to mention that life here is simpler and laid back. I love the serenity around me.

I do dream that one day, I will get my chance to live in one of those beautiful country homes, with ivy growing around the front door and a small garden at the back where I can grow crops. Do you know that these homes still get sold now with all their old characteristics from when they were first built? The small villages with their lovely church nestling on the corner is also a sight worth seeing every day.

I just went around on a ride along the countryside today with Ken and I am surprise at how small the towns here that there was one with just a population of 272! The town looked so peaceful and serene that I wonder why people would choose to live in the chaotic city! From that trip, we plan of traveling next time on his big bike and enjoy the rush of cool breeze on our skin rather than be confined in the car.

I'll shoot some more pics, next time ok?

I'm back!

2010-08-03T11:49:00.000-07:00

Wow! I got a new follower even when it feels like eon the last time I posted something here.

Indeed, it is nice to know that the world is still watching me. And that there are still people out there who are interested to read my blog or that people are sharing my thoughts and emotion.

Thank you Pam, for telling me that you like my page even when I know that sometimes I don't make sense, haha. Now, you just got me into blogging again!!

Of course, I like writing because it helps me keep track of my life. Writing down my thoughts allows me to share my joy, my pride and feelings with you guys, even when I don't know who's going to read it or how it will help you.

Many times when I read my old posts it made me wonder what made me happy a year ago. It's like a reflection of my life... Do you also get that? Reading them made me realize that I do exist!

Yeah, I know Tracey that blogging can be addictive - you write almost everyday, duh! Maybe because blogging has become a playground of our emotions. It allows us the freedom of expression. And the fun part is, nobody here has the right to tell us how to write, when to write and what to write.

So, be ready for my return....

Now, where do I start????

Phew!

2010-07-15T10:30:00.000-07:00

I am finally connected!!!

Excitedly, I logged in and want to download or is it upload some photos? I have so many things to say but I don't know where to start. I keep typing and deleting my words. I have changed the topic several times... too many things in my mind.

My heart is beating fast or is it dragging? I don't know but I am aware of the heavy breathing, the sighs, the numbing pain. I have to stop.

Don't worry I will be back soon.

Wordless ...

2010-04-21T09:25:00.000-07:00

I'm leaving on a jet plane...

2010-03-29T19:13:00.000-07:00

I know I have not updated my post... I still haven't uploaded those pics I took during my home coming. But these are very crazy days. I have a million and one thing do plus an incident that left me thanking the Lord that I am still alive and safe.

I am leaving tomorrow, so maybe my next post will have to be written in my brother's living room in LA. I hope you will all be here when I return to blogland.

Till then...

Another home coming.

2010-03-22T20:25:00.000-07:00

Gah, I am so dumb with gadgets. I was tinkering my camera trying to upload photos I had taken during my trip to the province but I don’t know how! So I have to wait for my son Benjie to do it for me. I‘ll share them with you in my next post, ok?

The last time I went home was to attend the burial of my Auntie Sophie last year. This time around we will celebrate her first year death anniversary but sans the tears as we intend to celebrate her life. Also my coming home falls right smack into our town fiesta celebration. And as expected the photo above showed a very common scene during any town fiestas anywhere all over the Philippines where the humble Lechon (roasted pig on bamboo poles) is always the star in every gatherings. Why? Because it’s simply yummy..!!!

You see, fiesta celebration in this part of the country is truly a display of hospitality to the highest level! My ancestral home was spruced up weeks before the affair to make it more homey for us balikbayans or people abroad coming home. It is during this time that clans come together in a family reunion, and where we have the chance to meet old friends and new acquaintances.

Going around the town, I see makeshift stores covering a long stretch of street which was close to traffic so I presumed that probably two or more weeks before the fiesta, these makeshift stores and night-life establishments had started moving in from other towns and provinces. In my four days stay there its worth mentioning that I had the most fun meeting up with friends and enjoying the sumptuous food served in every corner of the town. But it’s the reunion with kins that matters the most. Exchange of stories doesn’t seem to end and the ancestral home is filled with laughter and so much glee.

I left the party at around 2pm as the gastronomic festivities started to simmer and the games are just about to begin. But I have a plane to catch so I bade everyone goodbye with my heart filled with gladness that I was able to create such wonderful moments with them.

Next stop – America. And I am filled with excitement...!

I love you.

2010-03-15T19:27:00.000-07:00

When was the last time someone told you “I love you.”?

Oh, I can easily recall when, and it was just yesterday afternoon and it was just what I needed to hear.

No, it did not come from Mr. J, and I don’t expect to hear such words from him. Neither could I utter the same words to him.

Ok, brace yourself Randy because this is another of those "negative" post, hahaha.

You see, when I get married, I was "in love", so to speak. But that only gets me so far in real life. Having married relatively soon after I began dating Mr J, I had not had a chance to develop that enduring, active love that gets me through the hard times. And boy, how they came, as they always do! And I was totally unprepared to meet them and overcome them together. Instead, we withdrew from each other during the most difficult times.

With three kids and a jobless husband, life has become very challenging for me. I focused my energy and attention in keeping the family afloat while he hit the bottle. I certainly had no idea what to do with him. When we needed each other the most, we each found ourselves alone.

We went on that way for quite some time, living completely separate lives under the same roof. We barely spoke and when we did, it couldn't have been more surface and bland. The "I love yous" turned into obligatory words, said as infrequently as possible. Eventually, it was like pulling teeth to get one out of me. We became more like strangers to one another than husband and wife. In fact, we really didn't even much like each other, let alone have any of the "in love" feelings or the love we had then never developed at all.

It came at a point where I couldn't keep running away. I have two options. I could give up on him and end the marriage or put in time and hard work to rebuild the relationship. I chose the former. And I couldn’t feel more relieved.

Today, there are multiple people in my life that I love in similar and different ways - as friends, family, lover and I try to tell each of them how I feel. The L word has become less frightening as I find it easy to say maybe because I’ve become more appreciative of my own ability to love. I’ve also come to recognize that feeling love for someone is a wonderful thing and that the people I love are very precious.

How about you, when was the last time you say I love you to someone or heard someone say the L words to you?

Things I sometimes take for granted.

2010-03-11T19:29:00.000-08:00

By now you all know that I am going home next week, specifically on the 18th. I have not visited Sagay for two years now and I am excited to see my dad again and the rest of the kins.

As I was packing things, ( I’am packing more things than usual because of my trip to the US which will be on the 31st), I realized that there are many things in my life which I take for granted but I know I would find it impossible to live without them. I am not talking about food and clean water, but some things which, although I could technically live without, would hardly make my life worth living in its current comfort.

The first is my family. My sons had given me love and comfort and a joy I could never imagine and never want to imagine being without. Whether it's being at home with them all day or coming back to them after a day out at work. They are the most special to me.

Then there's my other family which includes my dad and mom, my sister and brother, aunties and uncles and cousins. Of course they don’t live with me but they are always on the end of the phone, or at the background trying to make my life secure and happy. So, in different ways I'd find life without the love of my family really difficult and lonely but I suppose it's because we're so close and comfortable with each other that I take them for granted. I just wish I was more thoughtful around them.

Then there’s the internet. After being on broadband for so long, it will be so difficult and quite annoying not to have one. You see, the internet is such an addictive thing and without it, there's no email and a complete lack of communication. Okay, it's not quite that bad but sometimes it's as though the internet is the beginning and end of life for me whether it's me writing my blog, playing games, chatting to friends, watching videos... it’s just unthinkable what life would be without it!

Another thing is the mobile phone. I keep it close by 24/7 - even when I go to bed! Although I rarely use my cellphone, the calls and text messages sent to me are important and I want to be able to respond to them immediately.

And as I look around the house I see ordinary things like a cooker, kettle, fridge and iron making my life so much easier. And as for microwaves, they hardly need mentioning. Now, I feel so guilty about taking everything for granted I'm overcome with emotion!

How about you? What are those things you take for granted but cannot live without?

It's a risky business.

2010-03-09T18:19:00.000-08:00

Yes, all of us have a comfort zone where we feel safe and secure … and it's nice. I have that niche too. But if I don't venture out of this cozy little box of mine, I think I will definitely have some regrets later in life.

I know I can not go back and relive my teen years, my 20s, 30s etc. They're over, and there's no going back, no rewind button!

But you see, I have things I want to do that for a while I am scared of doing - things that to some (this include Sid, and Ray) seem impossible, silly or just impractical. Their minds can think of a million logical reasons why what I want do is just not a good idea. And I understand their apprehensions. However, these "logical" thinking can also hold me back from trying new things, of stepping out and taking risks.

Of course, I am aware that risk taking is scary. It brings with it an element of the unknown. Especially in my case as I don't know what is going to happen, or how things are going to work out, or whether i'll fail or succeed.

But that's part of the fun guys, if you really think about it. If I already know what the outcome was going to be, there will be no challenge as there is nothing to push me towards it.

Of course, I also know that not all risks will turn out the way I want them to. You see, I have taken many risks that have completely bombed. But the good thing about that is that I know I tried. I can look back and say that wasn't for me, or I won't do that again, but I will have no regrets. One of the scariest thoughts for me is to think that when I'm older I will look back and have a bunch of regrets. I don't want to feel that I missed out on chances or opportunities all because I was too afraid to try something.

Whether I fail or succeed I will have peace of mind knowing I have tried. I won't be left wondering what if...

So sit back, fasten your seat belt, and take the journey with me!

Star struck.

2010-03-07T19:55:00.001-08:00

Of course, everyone should be allowed to remove themselves from the real world every now and again for the sake of enjoyment, right?

Therefore, I listen to music, read books, play online games, and watch movies because it adds atmosphere to the repetitiveness of every day life. But hey, nothing beats watching the Oscar’s or the Academy award!

I gape in awe at the array of beautiful people parading down the red carpet leading into large auditoriums. I still get star struck as the Hollywood's elite posture themselves from the start of the show till the end. For where on earth can I see more glitz, glamor, and money in three hours top?

Sure, it's all rather dazzling, really, not to mention the best distraction for a mundane evening. All the awards, acceptance speeches, tears, deity thanking - darn, I am just happy to switch my brains off and simply go for the ride!

And who wouldn't get excited for an opportunity to see our favorite movie star, not in character, but, as a person? Who wouldn't enjoy watching the appearance of perfection?

I know, i know, it is escapism, pure and simple. But it's not necessarily a bad thing, no?

You see, I am perfectly happy to be able to share a night with the gods of Hollywood.

So, Cheers!

No cussing allowed!

2010-03-03T21:07:00.000-08:00

This is kind of baffling. Well, perhaps the people of California had been cursing their government that now their legislature is contemplating of passing a bill that prohibits swearing, by starting with a ceremonial N0-Cussing Day.

Let’s see…somewhere in their constitution, maybe in the first amendment, it says what a person can say and not say. I doubt very much if these people had taken a refresher course of their legislation. But what the heck, they say it’s just ceremonial and not enforceable, nonetheless, a good idea to stop disgusted people from cursing at them.

I hate to swear too. I am the type who don’t use cuss words to express disgust. But if I live there, I will be rolling on floor laughing over this proposition. As I understand it, civility is taught at home and in school and it has no business in governance. And this will be interesting in California with all the Holywood libs!

You see there is swear words in every language and there is no lack of vulgar expression in English language. But words are words. A swear word is composed of letters and syllables just like any other word. I think the problem is not with the language itself but at the intent the word is used and perceived. After all, words don't hurt people. People use words to hurt people. By themselves, the words are meaningless; it takes someone to use them that gave them their true character.

Back to California…the state practically invented poor speech, thanks to Hollywood, and now they are going extra mile to do the right thing? They say profanity is related to drugs and violence.

Lets wait and see if things there will improve...

Not an AI wannabe, but I'm going to Hollywood!

2010-03-01T19:09:00.000-08:00

If it weren't for my net connection going bonkers these past week, I would have written about this earlier, anyway...

You see, visiting the US has never been my dream, maybe because there are many who wanted to go there so desperately, and I do not like to go with the mainstream. Also, because I have heard numerous stories from friends how difficult it is to secure an appointment for a US visa and the amount of documents one has to submit to the US embassy. Getting a US visa is pretty daunting according to those people who have applied for it. But my mother's birthday is coming up and it would be a pleasant surprise if I could be there to share the day with her. So I finally applied for a US visa!

Ok now, here's the scenario.The United States embassy here in Manila will only issue a non-immigrant visa after a successful face-to-face interview. We can schedule the interview on line or call the embassy for an appointment after one has paid the fee which is non-refundable $10.00. Actually, It used to be that visa appointment are scarce and are booked only as soon as they become available. Before, it may take between 5 to 10 weeks to get an appointment.

But in my case it was fast! When I logged online to see the schedule there is already the whole week between Feb 22 – 26 that is vacant. So I asked for Feb 25 at 1pm for my schedule. Of course I have to fill out the application form also known as DS -156, DS-157. In addition, I am required to submit a passport-sized photo, valid passport(I have to renew mine because it expired last 2007 yet), and an application fee which is again non-refundable amounting to $131.00. They say it’s important that I will be able to show proof of my ties to my country therefore I have to prepare documents that will show just that. Depending on how many papers one has to prepare, the process could be too time-consuming and sometimes confusing. Add to the raft of form-filling, dredging up details of husband, parents names, identities, nationalities, and downloading barcodes from US government websites. It is not a thing of joy.

Once I get to the embassy, I was restricted to carry any electrical equipment with me -not even a cellphone or bottled water. No bags, nothing that could be used to assault so fine a building as the US embassy. But when I finally arrived – as you are now allowed to – half an hour before my 1 pm appointment, my nightmare transformed into a dream world.

The interview was short- less than seven questions asked, that it took me longer to line up than being interview by the embassy personnel. I even offered some documents to prove my point but the person inside the cubicle told me it isn’t necessary as the document is irrelevant. I thought he will deny me entry to the US! But no, he seemed satisfied already with the data in my application form and my answers to his questions because he told me to proceed to pay for my passport delivery!

Getting a visa isn’t really difficult as long as you can prove to the interviewing officer the strong ties you have in your country which will compel you to come back, like your job, business and your family.

Now that I have gone through the process, I wish I had braved it earlier and probably had a nice winter vacation. Although I knew Sid will cringe at the idea of winter being nice, hahaha.

I will be in the US by the end of this month. Yipee!

Home sweet home.

2010-02-23T19:02:00.000-08:00

To me home is the place where I am most free to be myself. It is the place where I have the greatest sense of belonging and where I can relate most intimately to the people who mean the most to me. It is the place where I have around me so many things that represent me as an individual - and things I treasure, which hold many memories - including innumerable people who have been part of my life.

There is, of course, an old saying that home is where the heart is. In that respect it can indeed be anywhere you are for a longer or shorter period of time, as long as you feel a sense of belonging there, and your heart is in that place at some point in your life's journey.

And maybe like you, I also consider two places I regard as home - the place where I am currently living now and the place where I grew up.

You see, I spent most of my formative years in Sagay with my father and sister and a long list of relatives. When our mom left us, my dad brought us to live in the ancestral house and in my mind and heart that house will always be my home, even though I have another house in a different village in the city now. But no matter how frustrated I may have felt during those times by how cramped, cluttered and chaotic it was during the overwhelmingly trying years when I was growing up - it was, above all my family's sanctuary.

That house is where we come together, where I was nurtured and feel comfortable with my own personal identity. It is the place where I share the most meaningful relationships I have in this world. It's the place where I can shed any masks I had worn into the world to cover the most vulnerable parts of my soul - and where I can feel free to express myself.

Home is not only where the heart is. It is the place where the pulse of the family unit is felt by each individual.

I am going back to Sagay next month….and I am very excited!

The sound that was...

2010-02-18T17:58:00.000-08:00

This was sent to me in an email and I am sharing this with you. Do you still remember the 7 kids in "The Sound of Music"? Well they had a reunion after 40 years and see how well they aged.

Julie Andrews turned 69 and to commemorate her 69th birthday on October 1, actress/vocalist Julie Andrews made a special appearance at Manhattan 's Radio City Music Hall. One of the musical numbers she performed was "My Favorite Things" from the legendary movie "The Sound Of Music."

Here are the actual lyrics she used:

Maalox and nose drops and needles for knitting,
Walkers and handrails and new dental fittings,
Bundles of magazines tied up in string,
These are a few of my favorite things.

Cadillac's and cataracts, and hearing aids and glasses,
Polident and Fixodent and false teeth in glasses,
Pacemakers, golf carts and porches with swings,
These are a few of my favorite things..

When the pipes leak, When the bones creak,
When the knees go bad,
I simply remember my favorite things,
And then I don't feel so bad.

Hot tea and crumpets and corn pads for bunions,
No spicy hot food or food cooked with onions,
Bathrobes and heating pads and hot meals they bring,
These are a few of my favorite things.

Back pains, confused brains, and no need for sinnin',
Thin bones and fractures and hair that is thinnin',
And we won't mention our short, shrunken frames,
When we remember our favorite things.

When the joints ache, When the hips break,
When the eyes grow dim,
Then I remember the great life I've had,
And then I don't feel so bad.

Of course, she got a standing ovation for this!!!

A cold truth, too.

2010-02-14T19:20:00.000-08:00

I noticed that Tracey normally has a cold at the onset of the winter season. Me, I got it w/o warning. Maybe it’s the dust or the changing of atmospheric temperature. I just woke up today with a sniffles, a triple-double sneeze which causes nasal drip, a tickling on my ears and I am having congestion like I am plugged up.

I really hate it when I have a cold because aside from the discomfort, I have to deal with a running nose. But I got to do what you got to do!

There is blowing my NOSE and then there is BLOWING my nose. When it gets really itchy then I do the latter but only after I had excused myself to the comfort room. Besides I think it is better to wipe and blow my nose that is running than to let it go and end up in my mouth as this can really be disgusting. At least I don't squeeze my nose, and throw its content on the ground!

Yuck, some people even make a big production of it and make a real loud blow and look at it afterwards, which is really rude and gross. And have you encountered guys that will just put their thumb up to one nostril and blow and then do the same on the other side? That's not just rude but CRUDE! And when they wipe it on their sleeve or down the side of their pants...darn, that's just so unsanitary!

But of course, all of us get a cold once in a while and sometimes we don't have the option of staying home or out of the public eye. If somebody is offended by me blowing my nose in public, they are most likely some stuck up prude that I could care less about anyway.

What's a nose for if not to release mucus from and we need to blow to get it out. We all have to do this at one time or another and it should not be considered bad manners.

How about you? What would you do when you have to blow your nose in public?

Ooops, here's another one coming! Prrrrrrrrrrrt!

Spreading sunshine!

2010-02-11T22:08:00.000-08:00

Another post in one day, wow! It's because I got an award from Mimi and I am too excited to share it you, my dear readers.

First, I would like to thank Mimi for this sunshine award. I am happy that something on my blog spreads a bit of sunshine to those who read it. So okey, I'm supposed to pass it on to my twelve favorite bloggers, so here they are:

Sid - my oracle & guide to all things science and beyond.

Mimi – she’s a wonderful mom and has lovely ideas of what to do with kids!

Tracey - because I laugh, cry & learn all from one blog.

Randy – because he and Mike are cool and how I wish they were my neighbor.

Jenni – i love all of her photos and ideas and she’s a constant source of inspiration

Amy – because she has a lovely family and this makes me want to have more babies!

Penny – she makes me want to pack up and move.

Joey – because she is a stunning writer, a great friend and an exceptional soul.

Ray – because I can compel him to comment or do I need to say more?

Bren – a stunning photographer and her garden is just bursting with life!

Arun – because he writes beautifully and inspires.

Boysie – where do I start, one day I just found myself writing a blog because of him.

Oh there’s more than 12 bloggers I want to give this to, but you know who you are...so just grab the gerber daisy and paste it right on your beautiful blogs!

This is also to express my appreciation to those of you who visit here every day and make me feel like I'm connecting with real people and not just figments of my imagination. I especially thank those who left comments, because it's way more fun to have a conversation with you guys than to talk to myself. (Not that I would mind talking to myself if that was all that was available to me. But most of the time, other people are necessary. So...thanks for being my "other people."

And thanks for allowing me to be your other people, too! I can't tell you how much I enjoy visiting your blogs and getting a little glimpse into your thoughts and lives. What a remarkable bunch of men and women I've met in this bloggy journey. You truly inspire me!

So pick up that award and have some fun with it! And if you are a lurker, say hello.
That would make my day!

A midlife scare.

2010-02-11T16:56:00.000-08:00

Here I am at the tail-end of my forties. I find myself wondering how I got here so quickly. (sigh!)

Looking back, I heave a sigh or relief that all the sleepless nights, dirty diapers, school field trips and teen angst were worth it. And amazingly, despite my mistakes and periods of crisis, my children have grown into well adjusted, happy people... and they love me!

But mirrors nowadays scares the hell out of me! Seeing my reflection in the mirror this morning is kinda depressing or is it only because I am PMSing and I usually get depressed during this time?

How did that happen? Where did it all go! The years - the black hair - now gray in a flash. Why can't I get rid of this bulging stomach? Can I go back and do it again, please?

Alas, it was too late. Somehow, I must have traveled through a Star Trek style worm hole and moved forward in time. Darn, the fact that I am now referring to Star Trek and worm holes is also an unwelcome development. Is a sudden interest in Science Fiction age related?

Okey! Calm down. So what if I am nearing 50. I still think I have aged better than those I went to school with. However, a quick look in the mirror shatters THAT illusion. And to think that I haven't even tried getting a tattoo or went downhill on a skate board!

Never mind, I will do my best to get through this difficult time in my usual mature, sensible and dignified way. I shall simply ignore the fact that I am reaching a depressing milestone, then sulk and snap at anyone who dares to mention it!

And if I do feel down, I can always watch some Star Trek.

What the hell is that?

2010-02-09T23:39:00.000-08:00

I can’t help but noticed that almost everywhere I go, I am reminded that Valentine’s Day is fast approaching. Even my favorite online game is dishing out valentine loots!

Of course, I don’t hate everything about the holiday, because after all celebrating love is great. But I am so over seeing a nude kid taking aim at people with a crossbow, red heart and roses, chocolates of all shapes and sizes and many more.

And what is the logic of this large teddy bear that cast a bigger shadow than Shaquille O’Neal? Ok, I got it! An 8 foot bear will show how much you care! But it might also show that you haven’t thought where your special someone will store the enormous expression of your love. And what if she doesn’t like it? Duh!!

It’s very unlikely for this gift to be misplaced like an ugly piece of jewelry or unwanted perfume. Look guys, an eight-foot teddy bear will be part of a girl’s life until the relationship ends. Maybe even after the relationship is over, because that XXXL teddy could weigh a whopping 40 pounds!

See, Mega-teddy and Valentine’s Day are a lot alike. They’re both bigger than they need to be, they are designed to make money and very hard to ignore.

And neither is very romantic.

If you bring home flowers, jewelry or other gifts on an ordinary day, then you’ll be romantic. But on Valentine’s Day, your just fulfilling a duty.

Nuff said.

Changing one's decision.

2010-02-08T20:06:00.000-08:00

"If I only knew then what I know now..." That lament pretty much sums up how I feel about the bad choices I made in the past.

Like everyone else, I have made bad choices in life because I am human. I am not perfect and I do not know the answer to every question, nor the solution to every problem. But making bad choices is inevitable, because we make so many choices in a day that it would be so darn impossible to make perfect choices all the time!

Okey, Okey! I regret quite a few of those choices I have made and there were times I wish that I had a time machine so I could go back and make a different choice... Or would I just be opening myself to a whole new set of choices that could be wrong?

Anyway I think it will be fun to think what choices we would rather have if the circumstances presents itself again. Here's some of mine:

I should have learned to drive.

I think learning to drive would be a more satisfying experience and practical rather than having to depend on my cat to take me where I want to and when I want to.

Push-up bra.

I am not saying I should wear one all the time, but I think every woman should own one after they turned 30.

Choosing a husband.

I husband should not be an accidental acquisition but he should be the result of a deliberate choice.

Missed opportunities.

If I want something bad enough, I should have gone for it.

Actually every experience I have, whether good or bad, contributes to the person I am today. I have had wonderful moments and tragic ones. I have been incredibly happy and horribly depressed. I have had moments in my life that I sometimes wished had never happened.

But for every one of those moments, something was learned...

Money, money, money!

2010-02-04T21:31:00.000-08:00

Before AI, (yes Ray, I mean American Idol) there's the 6:30 local news. The lotto prize money as of last night is over 120M and as usual there's a long line of people waiting to buy a ticket. All of them with a twinkle of hope in their eyes. Why not? Hard work and tedious odd jobs won't get them anywhere fast and working until the ripe age of 60 years and getting only a tiny fraction of the money isn't appealing. Winning the lottery, is!

You know whenever I hear someone hitting the jackpot I automatically think " I wish that was me!" and I admit I get a little jealous. Then I would think " what will I do with all that money?" Well honestly I doubt very seriously if that is something I will ever have to worry about because I come from a large family. But just the same, it is fun to think what I would do with 120 Million.

Okey, the very first thing I would do is to call the telephone company and get an unlisted telephone number. I am sure that people I have not heard from in years will all of a sudden want to be friends with me. Hmmm...does that mean I have to change my email address too?

Second, I would definitely want to set up trust funds or something of that kind for my 3 boys and my grandchild so they would always have some kind of an income and not have to worry about paying for college and those type of things. I would want to make sure that each of them have an adequate home, paid for and a good vehicle.

I would want to build a retirement home in Sagay. I don't need a mansion and I don't really want one but just a nice comfortable low maintenance house that will last me and my partner the rest of our lives. I am never been one that has to keep up with the Jones's.

Then there's my relatives. I want to give each of them huge money so they can pay off debts and probably start their own business. I am by no means a greedy person and I would be happy just to use the money to fill in the blanks that I haven't got at the moment.

An animal shelter will definitely be something I will have to tick in my list of projects. And I most definitely love to travel. To be able to visit Tracey and family in England, Kirst and Fi in NZ, and to fetch Sid and bring him here to stay with us.

Ohhh, it's so much fun to dream, isn't it?

If only I had bought a ticket...

Don't ask. Don't tell.

2010-02-02T17:14:00.000-08:00

Just a short post because I just want to get this off my chest.

You see, I was in my room this morning sipping coffee while watching BBC news (I prefer this than CNN) and I am intrigued at the debate over Obama’s “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy.

I am not an American, but I distinctly remembered Obama’s campaign policy of creating a new America which is open and accepting. Then how can he deny gay people from serving in the military as this will stand opposite his own promise of change!?

As far as I know, being gay is not against the law, therefore this policy is against the American way that promises freedom to all to live their life the way they want.

What is the difference between a gay service member and a straight one? What is it that makes a gay person not fit to serve openly in the military? Do they have a gene or something that makes them unfit?

I listened to the Conservatives opinion on this policy and again they are bringing in religion to the debate. I cannot help asking if they are happy discriminating against their fellow citizens just because their lifestyle is "different" and how would they feel if their own child, friend, family members was gay and was being denied the opportunity to serve their country?

Oh well, for a country that talks about promoting fairness around the world, America better start it at home.

Old politicians never dies.

2010-02-02T00:34:00.000-08:00

I was thankful I have Facebook account because through it I was able to follow the happenings and recent events in my home province. I just need to open a link and viola, I have the front seat in a heated debate of the time – election.

Please note that my hometown Sagay is a very young and vibrant city teeming with brilliant and young minded people who have the potential to become good leaders. But as far as I can remember, our leaders or politicians continue to fight during elections and get elected till the ripe old age.

So, when should a politician retire? When he wants to? Oh sure, we human beings are blessed with the power to know when it’s time to stop… but do they?

Some say that a government position needs experienced leaders, and that they should be old and wise, because young politician aren’t mature enough. But wait, didn’t they start young themselves and kept going? I know of many successful young politicians who became great statesmen! Personally, I don’t get how a 60+ years old, generations removed, can understand the ways and life of a 30 something. Despite their lack of wisdom and experience, what young people do bring to the table is a different perspective, one significantly lacking in people who are more 'set in their ways' - often the old ways.

Debates over this can go on and on… but we know that every job comes with a retirement age. So how come that a job of being a politician doesn’t? In fact, for politicians it is said – the older the better!

What’s your take on this?

I wish my kids can just play tetris...

2010-01-31T18:40:00.000-08:00

I was sitting beside my teenage son last night while he played a video game and I was watching tv. Suddenly a flash report came about two very young gangs in a riot in one of the cities nearby. I was struck by the age of those who are getting into the action. The boys are just between 10 to 14 years old! It wasn’t just heckles coz they were throwing stones and some even brandished knives and home-made guns while chasing the other kids. The police said young boys knew they won’t be jailed because of their age that’s why they are bolder.

I looked at my boy and noticed that the game he is playing is kinda violent and I could not help but wonder if the violence in the world becomes ever so apparent because of all the violent video games out there.

Oh, I'm not saying everyone who plays a violent game is going to become violent, but some do I guess. I think some young kids who played it thought it might be cool to go out and try what they play in the games. Especially for those kids I just saw on tv who have nothing but time on their hands so they let their imaginations run with the games and decide to bring their imaginations to life, leading to very serious consequences. The reporter who is covering the action said it just started from heckling that ended to a violent street riot.

Violence is all around us and it's a shame that they have to bring it into the home via video games. It's no wonder kids think that seeing blood and guts is cool -violence is all around them - in their communities, schools, television, movies and now their video games - it's getting to be a way of life for them, so they think there's nothing wrong with it.

I firmly believe violent video games are contributing to real violence in the world - just look at the number of crimes being committed by young offenders. Not because it's in a video game so it must be okay, right?

Who else thinks we're sending the wrong message to our children?

Wanna hold your hand.

2010-01-27T23:03:00.001-08:00

Don't give up. Don't quit. Don't surrender.

These are three phrases I tell myself almost every single day. The same three phrases I want to tell you. Why? Because life is tough! Like you, when things around me get really bad and I feel really depressed, I also thought of giving up as it seems to be the better option – but in reality, it is simply the easier option.

Yes, I have been through tough times. I have also experienced having put all my effort into something, only to see it blow up in my face, and I just feel like throwing in the towel so that I won’t feel as much pain. Blaming others, crying, shouting, complaining - these things are very easy to do at times when things are not going my way. That's why I am grateful that during those times I have friends like you I can depend on. Friends who, though far away, have made your presence felt.

I know that your life is more challenging than mine, or maybe not. But I will never know exactly what goes on behind your closed door because what you are going through is something I cannot even conceive of. But know that it hurts me not to be able to help you when you are depressed, and it is doubly difficult when you are so far away and I cannot be physically there to support you. My challenge now is to continue to let you know that I am here and that I understand what you are going through.

So, hold my hand... I will listen...

Just human nature...

2010-01-26T18:07:00.000-08:00

I was watching " Inside Edition" last night and I was shocked that they are still talking about Tiger Woods.

Why is it every time a celebrity messes up we have to hear about it over and over and over again? Are Americans, as a society, that interested? Or do they have nothing else to do? I know the media has to make a few bucks and has to exploit every little detail of a scandal. The media of course dictates what is news and what is not.. even when it is not news. But we listen.. and listen and listen. Why?

And then, in the same show they have this poll predicting the break-up of Brad and Angelina. People can't seem to admit that this couple could actually be happily living together!

I know, we love to watch people fail. Darn, we could find a cure for cancer in the next few weeks and yet people will still be watching the happenings with Tiger and Bragelina. Why? Because it makes us feel better about ourselves. Yes, yes! C'mon stop shaking your head. Its not that our self esteem is that low, but it does give us a boost of " hey maybe my life isn't all that bad". It makes us feel more successful than the person involved in the scandal.

It is common knowledge that celebrities go by a different set of standards. Not standards necessarily imposed by the celebrities, but standards imposed by us - the non celebrities. We make false assumptions that celebrities has no or little faults, which makes it way more hard to resist when a celeb falls from grace. We are reinforced that no one is perfect .

And Celebrities to us everyday folks are rich. Well, most celebrities anyway. The ones who can buy islands are a little better off then those who don't. We love it when rich people fail. Why? Because we are jealous! Deep down we want to be wealthy too!

For whatever reason, it is our nature to be judgemental and to gossip. No doubt, the media will exploit everything they can for a buck.

A call for compassion.

2010-01-24T21:11:00.000-08:00

An American had posted in Facebook his disgust over his country's 24/7 call for help and donations to Haiti. He complained that there are also homeless and hungry people in America that need immediate attention and he is so pissed by the urgency the government is doing to send aid to Haiti.

Well my take on the issue is this: no country is free of homelessness and poverty no matter what the condition of the country is but compared to Haiti, America is a lot better off. Americans have been proud of how great and powerful they are and I think this is their opportunity to show the world the kind of power they have by taking these very crucial steps in helping to aid these people that are in desperate need.

There are a mass number of people that lost everything and lost their own family because of this earthquake and if you watched CNN you would see the most disturbing images of bodies covering the ground of the city with no place to go. These people have nothing and no where to turn to, that if the the world wasn't there to save them, I could honestly say after this disaster there would be no Haiti.

We are a poor country but we tried our darndest best to help in our own little way. The world has helped us get back on our feet after the massive flood in Manila and now it's time to pay it forward and help the hundreds and thousands victim in Haiti.

We should not limit compassion within our own backyard...

Love actually is ...

2010-01-22T21:54:00.000-08:00

Oh well, I never thought I would be writing this blog so soon, but commercials have made me crazy! OK I'm not a bitter and cynical woman...as I have loved and been loved. It is just that I am not gaga over celebrating Valentine's Day even though those who had loved me felt an obligation to, which is another problem of mine.

I don't like things being done because you think you should! And all these commercials insist you adore your significant other with gifts on this one special day, duh!

In my opinion if you truly love someone then you shouldn't adore them in one day. Why not adore them every day? Not with gifts, but with just the simple things of saying “I love you” or “you look pretty” or “your amazing” or “your so cute”. Even by just listening when you need them to and supporting us when needed.

In my opinion it's the small simple gestures that mean the most. But of course, our media forces the supposed gestures, and I am actually insulted with people doing things that they think they should, rather than what they want to do. It is awful that many men are burdened with the thoughts of what they should do.

Just so you know, I will be spending valentines at home. So for all those that has joy in the typical Valentine’s Day, that's fine. But for me, I don't agree with the forced feelings and things you think you should do. And I don't think we should have only one day to express our love as that should be expressed everyday.

Case close.

And the excitement continue...

2010-01-20T22:48:00.000-08:00

I wasn't able to watch the AI audition last night because I was at a friend's birthday party. Your damn right Randy, even if I enjoyed the company of friends and the scrumptious dinner, I was still thinking about it. Ha, ha!

You see, I like watching the audition more than the contest proper because it is HILARIOUS. Didn't you noticed that every year, more and more contestants than can reasonably be counted line up to prove to America that they have talent? But the problem is, the majority of these contestants have less talent in singing as I have in sewing. The strongest difference is that I have come to terms with my horrific craft, while several of the contestants seem crushed when they are told they lack talent.

Why do I continue to watch this train derail from the tracks? Good question, Ray. Now, listen...

Imagine that I am with my best friend when suddenly an epic moment occurs. "Zombie" begins it's 100th rotation on FM radio for today's playlist. Then my friend begins to belt the tone from this song louder and more powerful then a Boeing 747 during takeoff. The dilemma: do I tell my friend I would rather listen to the 747 gearing to go to whatever destination? Of course I can't. I would rather let Simon Cowell do it.

Remember the example from the beginning with your imaginary friend? When you want to see this friend again and again? Well Simon only has to see this person for 5-10 minutes at most then tell this horrific singer indescribable things about his/her voice that I could never speak of.

Oh, I didn't want to say that being mean is funny, but what better way to project a day of stress than my television set? It is just quite a relief to see others fail at something and never have the repercussion of saying how bad someone is at something. This doesn't make me a bad person - it simply provides me an avenue of projection that is needed to cope with life. I know that after auditions, I couldn't care less about what good singer actually makes it further.

I think the popularity of the show is based on the message sent subconsciously to viewers like me: It takes courage to stand in front of a sarcastic individual and present your best.

American Idol is entertaining, amusing, surprising, sometimes annoying, but generally a good clean fun. Got it now, Ray?

Should I add one more?

2010-01-19T18:07:00.000-08:00

I have three cats at home, the mother, Stray, and her two offsprings, Inee and Loki. Having more than one cat gives me the opportunity to observe feline society in all its quirky glory. And also, having more than one cat means my feline friend will not suffer from loneliness.

I also like to watch my cats play chase-and-pounce games or groom each other as they can be very entertaining. But of course I still get questions like - "why do you own so many cats?" Actually I never plan of owning this many as my house is small, but after the litter came what could I do, turn them away? I have given many of them as Stray gave birth to 6 set twice and each time I hate seeing some of them leave.

A cat to me is much like chocolate although of course, they don't taste as good. But you see, I just can't stop at one. They are addictive. Their little meows which greet me in the morning, the appreciative purr they give on my warm lap, and how they smooch up to me when they are hungry, the love they give... Ah bliss! See why I can't stop at one?

Now my Inee is pregnant and she will give birth soon to god knows how many. As always, I am excited to once again hear the pitter-patter of little paws. But my own kids are complaining. The cats are taking up their bed space and leaves fur all over. And when these litters starts to learn how to run my house will once again become a battle field. And even when in time it will settle down, this can also turn into a permanent state of being.

I know each and every cat is a blessing. This may sound weird, but I have arguments with my cats, and I have conversations with them. So even when I am excited with the prospect of being a grandmother anew to Inee's kittens, I also have to take into consideration my kids feeling on this.

Or should I just cross the bridge when I come to it?

A concept sorely needed.

2010-01-17T16:36:00.000-08:00

Is chivalry going out of style? Or are men of today in general too absorbed with their own lives that they don’t care about opening doors or offering seat to elderly or even pregnant women in buses or other public transport. I see many of them too wrapped up in their cellphones and mp3 players to even notice an old lady standing beside them. Or maybe they do, but they just don’t care anymore.

I don't buy the idea that feminist movement caused the decline of chivalry. I blame it on rudeness and inconsideration. You see, when I am walking into a restaurant or a store and someone is walking behind me, I hold the door open for that person, whether it is a woman or a man. I don’t expect the men to do this alone, as we women can do this as well because chivalry, at least in my mind, is tied to manners and basic decency.

However, one thing I don't know about is the virtue or intelligence of laying down a man’s jacket in a puddle. I figure most ladies are smart and capable enough to just step around it. Besides, what’s the guy going to do if the lady gets cold as he walks her home, give her his wet jacket?

On the other hand, maybe today’s society is just afraid. I know I am. Because whenever someone smiles at me as I walk down the street I would looked at him with suspicion. Yes, because I have no idea if he is disarming me before he assaults me or pick my pocket. And if I have a flat tire and a man stops to give me a hand, how do I know if I am going to be safe? You see, to be able to trust our fellow man in today's climate is very difficult.

So, what do good manners come down to? Respect. Chivalry at its best is showing respect to all those around us whether or not they show it back. Opening a door is not a sexist issue unless you make it one. I do not believe that the guy who opens a door is more or less likely to go to 'hooters' than the one who lets it slam in our face. I do believe however that the first guy will consider our feelings about 'hooters' before the second.

And that is respect.

Waiting for disaster.

2010-01-14T19:36:00.000-08:00

After hearing and watching the disaster in Haiti, I have resolved to wait my own disaster. It is not as if I am not doing this everyday, because in life we all wait for disaster to strike.

Yes, this may seem paranoid, but let me explain. You see, everyday people are faced with disaster. People are diagnosed with cancer and given only months to live. Sons go to war and never come back, or daughter meet an accident. There are people abandoned by the ones they love, and then there is nature's unstoppable wrath.

It is rare to meet a person who has not faced at least a small disaster. So, I will wait... I will wait for my disaster to come. For my father to fall ill. For someone to leave me and not come back. For a denial of my application. For the dormant fault line to start to quiver and shake. For a dream unfulfilled.

I will wait because if I don't, this disaster might caught me by surprise and if I am not prepared, I may fail to be strong and I may fall apart. Falling a part is not an option I can accept. So even when it may seem cynical and morbid to wait for disaster to strike. For me, it actually seem to be a rational thing to do as I am more likely to survive if I plan ahead of time and be prepared when the unthinkable happens.

Will you, too?

My ten.

2010-01-13T17:32:00.000-08:00

Tracey had tagged me to write 10 free things that makes me happy. I know I don't have a gazillion money but somehow life has been good (although I admit that I wish I have gazillion $$$!).

Anyway, the reason that I can still laugh and smile in this life is because of these freebies and I know where to go when I get stuck with dreary feelings.

Here goes:
1. Family

2. Friends

3. My cat

4. Books

5. Music

6. Cool summer breeze

7. Birds song

8. Flowers

9. Free pc games

10. Cuddling under a blanket (soon, I hope)

A birthday poem for Sid.

2010-01-12T16:29:00.000-08:00

I have not forgotten your birthday
I just want you to know
You have been stuck at fifty now
For six years in a row.
Your hair's a little thinner
And you have put on some girth
Just want to remind you of another year
Since the moment of your birth

Sure you could spend ten thousand dollars
For a few more years of zen
Or be a full-fledged member of
Some hair club just for men.
You could sign up for a spin class
And hoist around some weights
Know what? For some old fart
You do look really great!

So tell us what you want
Or what you expect this year?
Would a Corvette wrapped in ribbon
Bring you lots of cheer?
Or a cake with many candles
And a wallet or some shoes
Friends that come gather round
To dance and sing the blues?

Come lets blow out the candles
And dim down the light
Start another chapter
A future without fright.
So hold my hand and start the music
I want to learn that dance
A boogie and a tango
I can't pass up this chance.

Happy Birthday, Sid!
(January 14)

Desperately desperate.

2010-01-11T15:35:00.000-08:00

I wish I am someplace else...

I can’t stand the sight anymore.

I am very much aware that alcohol has the ability to completely change someone's temperament and attitude. But I have to deal with it and hope against hope that he won’t behave badly while he is not in a sober state. I have seen this many times before and I already know that trying to reason with someone when he’s drunk is a completely hopeless and useless exercise. There is a very good chance that he won’t even remember the majority of the words I say while he is intoxicated.

As the sober person in this situation I have to make sure that me and the kids will be safe. So it is necessary we stay out of his way and agree with what he is saying even if it does not make sense, simply to defuse the chances of the situation becoming violent.

Of course, he has deep unresolved issues he had not dealt with, and being intoxicated lowers his inhibitions and frees him up to act out his pent up emotions.

So, he hid these emotions when he is sober - that’s why he drinks?

But drinking won’t solve anything!!!

Didn’t he realize that while he drinks to drown all his problems, people around him have learned how to swim away?

Ugh!

Say it again?

2010-01-07T20:06:00.000-08:00

It’s 2010 and over the years, many popular catch phrases and slogans have come and gone. Of course, many of them have faded with the sunset while others have stuck around a little longer. But we all know the phrases that reach popularity are often the most annoying. This can be because of the overuse of them, or simply because they just don't make sense.

“You must be a redneck.”

I am not familiar with “rednecks” but I have grown familiar with this phrase from Ray who always got a laugh poking fun at people shopping at Wall Mart. I think this phrase generally, is followed by an example of something that could make someone a redneck. If you’re an American and have ever listened to these little phrases, you already know that anyone that breathes could be a redneck. Or you might be a redneck if you are tired of hearing this crap.

"So easy a caveman can do it."

This is something Sid could say a lot, knowing how adept he is with rocket science. But I think an insurance company uses this phrase and the caveman characters, to illustrate how simple getting insurance from clients could be. Okay, so the insurance is simple but the hard part is finding cavemen. There are none left so how do they know a caveman can do it? Also, how stupid are they calling our ancestors anyhow?

"It's easier said than done.""

We still hear this phrase a lot today. It is true that it’s easier to say something than to do it. At the same time, though, how do you know if you aren't doing it? Rather than talking about how easy something is, why not put forth some effort and find out?

"Were you born in a barn?"

This phrase would come from someone annoyed of your stupidity. The problem is, if you were born in a barn, you wouldn't understand what he is saying anyway. So, the next time someone asks that, answer with "Neigh" or "Moo". That will fix it.

"You can't have your cake and eat it too.”

What would you do with a cake if you can't eat it? We certainly can't take it out on a date or shop with it. A cake is meant to be eaten, not set on a counter and molded or stared at, which is kind of what this phrase makes us think.

“Hit me up.”

This phrase means that you should call or write someone. It just sounds so violent though. Why would you want someone to hit you up? Better yet, what would you do if someone took you for face value, balled up their fist, and hit you up-side your head? You probably wouldn't say that phrase twice.

Oh okey, this list can go on and on... but no matter where you go, there will be another silly saying that makes you prefer the sound of screeching nails on a chalkboard, rather than hearing those horrid words once again.

How about you? I would like to know what other annoying catchy phrase you could share.

I am a tiger.

2010-01-05T16:30:00.000-08:00

According to the Chinese Zodiac, the Year of 2010 is the Year of the Tiger, which begins on February 14, 2010 and ends on February 2, 2011. The Tiger is the third sign in the cycle of Chinese Zodiac, which consists of 12 animal signs. It is a sign of courage. This fearless and fiery fighter is revered by the ancient Chinese as the sign that wards off the three main disasters of a household: fire, thieves and ghosts.

Tiger Personality

Tiger people are difficult to resist, for they are magnetic characters and their natural air of authority confers a certain prestige on them. They are tempestuous yet calm, warm-hearted yet fearsome, courageous in the face of danger yet yielding and soft in mysterious, unexpected places. They enjoy life full of challenges and unexpected events, like visiting unusual places and meet interesting outstanding people. Other people in their part are easily attracted by the tiger's enthusiasm and the course of life. Tiger person finds a pleasure in unpredictable, and while other people would rather make a backward step, he/she is not afraid to explore new and unusual. But it is not that simple to interest the tiger. What they really need is first-hand experience. Usually open and frank, these people are likely to withdraw and you can be aggressive when trapped. As soon as the tiger person has regained his/her sense of security his/her confidence also returns, enabling him/her to set out once more. These people usually tend to trust their instincts, though there is another side of their personality, which assesses situations thoughtfully before launch any actions. Their friends usually secretly admire their determination and optimism, though sometimes may find it complicated to share the tiger's enthusiasm and can be pushed away and left behind. In spite of the fact that tiger people can be courageous and generous friends, if they are not able to achieve what they want, they can be inflexible and self-centered. So if your friend was born in the year of the tiger, there will be highs and lows in your friendship, but the friendship itself will remain firm.

Some Famous Tigers:
Sir David Attenborough, Natalie Wood, Tom Berenger, Agatha Christie, H.G. Wells, Tom Cruise, Leonardo DiCaprio, Emily Dickinson, Isadora Duncan, Roberta Flack, Frederick Forsyth, Jodie Foster, Stevie Wonder Sir Alec Guiness, Hugh Hefner, William Hurt, Dylan Thomas, Marilyn Monroe, Demi Moore, Beatrix Potter, Diana Rigg, Lionel Ritchie, Kenny Rogers.

Compatible with :
Horse, Dragon, Dog
Less Compatible with : Rat, Ox, Rabbit, Tiger, Ram, Pig
Least Compatible with : Rooster, Snake, Monkey

Positive: The Tiger can be lovable, alluring, warm-hearted, altruistic, honourable, hard-working, pleasant, independent, engaging, dynamic and idealist sweetie pies.

Negative: The Tiger can also be rash, hot-headed, reckless, infatuated, quarrelsome, caustic, moody, predatory, rebellious, disobedient and irreverent rascals.

Aiming high in 2010.

2010-01-03T17:54:00.000-08:00

So ok, while the New Year is technically a new beginning, because it's the start of a brand new year- we are still the same people we were hours before, during the previous year. We can't change our basic personalities nor our major flaws simply because the calendar changes.

On the face of it, it does seem pretty absurd and downright naive of us to even consider that a new year would usher in a new us. What we usually do instead is make a new year's resolution to make a better us. And the honest truth is, we make it because we hope, and hope is a precious and beautiful thing, right?

You see, we won't resolve to make changes if we are convinced that our life is basically over. That's why I am so happy Sid is making one because it only proves that he truly believe that his life isn't irrevocably set. He wants to make some changes in his routine because he believe, that he might, just might, be able to alter his life this year. I know Kirst wanted to quit smoking. It is a brave thing to hope and braver still to act on it. Me? I am going to make some drastic changes in my personal life. So please, be with me during this journey.

Well, the positive side of New Year's resolutions is the fact that they encourages me to reach higher goals, and to make the positive changes in my life and continue to grow in all aspects. Even if Christmas makes me sad, the prospect of the new year always lifts my spirit up. It never fail to give me a "New Year's hope" that I so excitedly grasp at before the New Year has even begun.

Hope indeed, makes what previously felt insurmountable suddenly seem attainable. So lets feed the hope, and support each one's resolution because we just might watch a resolution become reality.

So what is it you want to attain this year?

Maligayang Bagong Taon!

2009-12-28T18:36:00.000-08:00

New Year's eve celebration in the Philippines is quite different compared to other countries. We literally start the year with a bang!

Just a few days before New Year's eve, you will see lots of vendors selling different kinds of firecrakers. Actually, despite of the yearly ban on firecrackers (because of a number of accidents caused by firecrackers and pyrotechnic devices that have resulted in the loss of lives, limbs and properties), still many Filipinos see lighting of firecrackers as the traditional means to greet and celebrate the New Year eve.

December 31 is usually an unofficial public holiday in the Philippines, so we can prepare for the New Year eve celebration. It is a busy day for all families, me included, as I prepare food for the media noche. Most people are rushing in to buy firecrackers in preparation for the night celebration.

This is the time of the year when children have a good time blowing their plastic toy trumpets we called “torotot”. We create as much noise as possible to drive away bad spirit. Trumpets come in different shapes and sizes, colors and designs. I prefer this than buying fire crackers.

Children also enjoy stamping on their "watusi" - a kind of small firecracker that when rubbed against a rough surface and released, crackles into a little sparkwork.

At the strike of 12:00 midnight, the noise becomes defeaning, churchbells rings and firecrackers rules the sky. Adults and kids alike stood gaping in awe as we see the different firecrackers, blooming in the sky. The banging and booming rise to a climax which includes clanging of old pots and pans, jeeps, cars or motorcycle blowing their horns, ambulance sirens for full one minute at the countdown to New Year.

The loud noises and sounds of merrymaking are not only meant to celebrate the coming of the New Year but are also supposed to drive away bad spirits.

Around 12:15 am, the noise stops and the air is filled with human voices and the family starts to eat a thanksgiving feast called Media Noche, it is believe that we should put as much food on the table so that next year we will have food all year round. Twelve round fruits should be on the table as it is a sign of prosperity for the next twelve months. There is also a midnight mass celebration to welcome the New Year and to thank God for all His blessings.

Happy New Year, everyone!

Boom! Bang! Kabloom!

A day before Xmas.

2009-12-22T21:43:00.000-08:00

Christmas is forever, not for just one day,
for loving, sharing, giving, are not to put away
like bells and lights and tinsel, in some box upon a shelf.
The good you do for others is good you do yourself...

Just want to greet everyone a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! I hope everyone will find Christmas in their heart and not under their Christmas trees, and since we grow tender with childhood memories of our Christmas, let us all become a child again at this time of the year. Have lots of laughs, ok?

Oh well even as an adult, I find it hard to sleep on Christmas eve, I guess yuletide excitement is a potent caffeine whatever our age is...

Have fun, everyone!!!

25 things about me.

2009-12-20T21:43:00.000-08:00

I have been tagged by Randy of Chicken Boys and I promised him I am going to do this meme as soon as I find the time. So here it is.

1. Name someone with the same birthday as you.
There's Giorgio Armani, Yul Brynner and Leon Spinks to name a few.

2. Where was your first kiss?
Hmm... at the public plaza. But it was dark and I was a clumsy 15 year old.

3. Have you ever seriously vandalized someone else's property?
Never did.

4. Have you ever hit someone of the opposite sex?
Yes, my classmate in elementary because he was very annoying.

5. Have ever sung in front of a large number of people?
Many times because I always join the school choral contest, and also because I am a choir member in our church. I sing in karaoke with few friends but never in front of many.

6. What's the first thing you notice about your preferred sex?
The eyes and their smile...and then my gaze would wander a bit.

7. What really turns you off?
Body odor!

8. What do you order at Starbucks?
Frappucino but it has been a while since I have tasted that stuff.

9. What is your biggest mistake?
Whatever mistakes I made also strenghten me as a person so I guess it's a process I have to go through.

10. Have you ever hurt yourself on purpose?
No. I am so scared of blood that I if I accidentally cut myself I would cry.

11. Say something totally random about yourself.
I am a sucker for sentiments. I cry just watching peoples wishes become a reality.

12. Has anyone ever said you looked like a celebrity?
Yeah, a few times. But a local celebrity you may not be familiar with, so next question please.

13. Do you still watch kiddie movies or TV shows?
Yes! I would watch it with my kids or alone.

14. Did you have braces?
No.

15. Are you comfortable with your heights?
I am not. I wish I am two inches taller.

16. What is the most romantic thing someone of the preferred sex has done for you?
When he sent me a bracelet that he designed himself. I think that was pretty romantic because it's one of a kind and was made especially for me.

17. When do you know its love?
When i just can't stop thinking about him.

18. Do you speak any other language?
I can speak three native language. But only one foreign language (English).

19. Have you ever been to a tanning salon?
No.

20. Have you ever ridden a limo?
No.

21. What’s something that really annoys you?
People arriving home at 2am and make noises as if its 12 noon.

22. What’s something you really like?
I like to walk bare foot along the beach and feel the cool breeze touching my cheeks.

23. Have you ever been rushed by an ambulance into the emergency room?
No.

24. Can you dance?
Yes, but I am not good at it.

25. What is your favorite breakfast food?
Sorry, I don't eat breakfast.

Deal or no deal?

2009-12-15T20:09:00.000-08:00

On his previous blog, Sid had mentioned about a bad behavior that a fellow member of his club had demonstrated. Also, Kirst had told us about a loud mouthed pregnant lady airing her complaint in the hospital corridor, and Amy, talks about that nasty lady spewing invectives to Steven. These stories kind of made me think. I wonder how I would react when confronted with such behavior in public.

I know that bad behavior is something we should not tolerate. But why is it that as we grow older, we end up tolerating it more and more? It also seems that behaving badly in public has become a normal behavior. I noticed that many people aren’t concerned anymore about other people’s feelings. Are we living in an age where saying what is on our mind is priority over any harm that it might do?

Sid had reacted to the public display of bad behavior by not accepting it. He spoke out and told this quarreling couple to stop. I think that is wise. Too many of us let bad behavior go because we don't want to rock the boat. I think this is a right time that we should rock the boat and rock it hard. It is not okay to behave badly no matter who you are.

I also think however, that Kirst did the right thing when she decided to walk away. We all have the power to walk away from bad behavior when it arises. We just have to learn to let go. If we don't have control over anything in the situation, then we better leave it behind and move on to something that we have control over. We can not control what other people do, but we can control what we will do about it. I think we will feel much better in the end if we don't let bad behavior into our life.

As an individual we should learn how to act properly. Bad behavior from other people is not our concern unless it is one of our children. I believe we should not take on the responsibility of other people’s behavior. It is enough that we keep track of our own behavior. Leave out what isn't ours.

Tsk, tsk tsk! Too bad that bad behavior is on the rise. Even superstar athletes are behaving badly, maybe because they thought they won’t have to pay for its consequences, although Tiger’s endorsements are now starting to back out. Hmmm..., I should then make the consequence concise and clear for my kids. And I should worry about how I behave rather than how others behave.

Pretty soon, it just may catch on.

A Christmas meme.

2009-12-10T22:40:00.000-08:00

I had read this wonderful Christmas meme from Julie and I asked her if I could also put this on my blog. She readily agrees as she said it's a fun way to get to know someone. So here it is and I wish you would also share with me your answers to these questions below.

1. Have you started your Christmas shopping?

No, I have not. But I don't have a long list and besides, I only purchase presents for the immediate family so I don’t have to worry about taking too much time.

2. Tell me about one of your special traditions.

We would all go to church to attend the midnight mass. Upon retuning home we would feast on our Noche Buena. Everyone is awake to partake on the table's fare and we stayed up all night exchanging banters and opening our present as it's nicer to open gifts at night when all the Xmas lights are on. If I am in the province with my folks, we would play majong( chinese bricks) till morning.

3. Are you a Black Friday shopper?

What is Black Friday? I shop if I have money, no matter what day it is!

4. When do you put up your tree?

At my old house, I would put up my Xmas tree a week after All Saints day, which is November 8. Yes, I like to spruce up the house early to enjoy the spirit of the holiday season longer. I don't have a tree in the apartment I am staying now because of space concern. I have a nativity though.

5. Do you travel at Christmas or stay home?

When the kids were in the province, I would travel there to spend Xmas and New year with them. I have to book a flight as early as October to get a discounted fare. Now that they are here, we just stay home as we don't have relatives here to visit during the holiday.

6. What is your funniest Christmas memory?

I don't remember a particular funny one. But I like spending Christmas in the country with my folks because the sheer number of people gathered there add to the festivity. It is heart warming to be among the people you care about during this time of the year.

7. What is your favorite Christmas movie of all time?

Does "Love Actually" counts? That movie takes place around Christmas.

8. Do you do your own Christmas baking, what’s your favorite treat?

I don't know how to bake. Haven't learned the craft so I always buy pastries. But I do know how to make a Mango Float with graham crackers which my kids love a lot.

9. Fake or Real Tree?

We always use a fake tree that I owned for like over ten years. I only add new things to hang there or changes the theme color depending on what I fancy.

10. What day (as a mom) does the actual panic set in to get it all done?

I never panic. There is not much to prepare as my kids aren't picky. They eat whatever is laid on the table and accept whatever gifts I gave them.

11. Are you still wrapping presents on Christmas Eve?

No way! If someone come and I don't have a gift ready to hand over, I can always give cash which is more appreciated as they can use to buy it whatever they want.

12. What is your favorite family fun time at Christmas?

I love it when after enjoying our food and opening the gifts, we would just gather around the couch and watch a movie.

13. What Christmas craft do you like the best?

I particularly like the Christmas lantern like the photo above. I like the way the lights changes and the way they seem to dance from the distance. We call our lantern - parol.

14. Christmas music. Yes or No, and if yes what is your favorite song?

Definitely, yes. Christmas songs for some reason make me sad. But I still like to listen to the haunting rendition of I'm Dreaming of a white Christmas. I don't like Jingle Bells because it's kind of irritating.

15. When do you plan to finish all your shopping?

I haven't even started shopping yet! Maybe as soon as I have the money to shop.